First Time Talking About It...

I am new to this sight.  I spent some time yesterday and this morning looking through posts and now am ready to tell my "story".  It seems that many perfectionists are trying to figure out what lead them down this path, and that has had me thinking of my own struggles with perfectionism.  

I can remember being in kindergarten and crying if I got anything wrong on my paper.  Fast forward thirty years and I am still that little girl (although now in grad school) that can not stand getting anything wrong.  I am an overachiever.  Did something happen to me before this that made me feel that I needed to be perfect?  Or are people born this way?  One thing I am sure of is that this is not fun!

I am tired of the anxiety and sleepless nights thinking of all the mistakes I made or may have made that previous day.  I am tired of stressing about everything I need to complete the following day to live up to unattainable requirements that I place on myself.  I am my own worst critic.  

I am a mother of four and a wife to an amazing man.  I want to be a better role-model for my children.  I do not want to place unrealistic expectations on them, or my husband.  I want it to be ok to get a "B" in a grad course.  I want it to be ok if my house is messy.  How can it not be messy with four young children you ask?  Unbearable amounts of stress and anxiety and lack of sleep.  

I am a germaphobe.  
I stress about school.
I stress about my children's school.
I stress about my health.
I stress about my family's health.
I stress about a messy house.
I stress if I don't feed my kids enough fruit.  (No joke.)
I am NEVER late.  (God forbid.)
I am overly concerned about hurting other people's feelings.
I HATE asking others for help.  

Ok, that was cathartic.  Please don't comment on spelling or grammatical errors (I have noticed many posts where people do that).  Believe me, I have re-read this eight times and would like it to be "ok" to possibly have made a mistake.  GASP
jburt jburt
36-40, F
2 Responses Apr 13, 2012

Itz not something wrong to be perfect neither are perfectionist bipolar itz jus that we like everything perfect . there is no negativity in perfection the people around us make sure we feel we have been bipolar or that itz something thats nt good . never give up being perfectionist

Hi, thank you for sharing your story! I hope it feels like something fell off your chest/you feel relieved saying that. It really is stressful being a perfectionist. Perfectionism for me led to fear of failure, procastination, OCD (Trichotillomania) and once a person picked on me saying I walked weird (after I had a hip surgery caused by a car accident). That happened in elementary school, I'm now in my senior year and still worry about it every day. I am so humiliated that I let some douchebag run over me like that and that I still have to cope with those thoughts every day. I truly hope for all perfectionists out there that we can let go. Let go of that fear for maybe getting criticized. Cause they (the people with bad intentions) aren't that perfect themselves. Wish you the best!<br />
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I definitely feel like a weight has been lifted, just from telling my story. Perfectionism is incredibly stressful, however I am ready to overcome the negative aspects of perfectionism. I have ordered three books on this topic that just arrived today. I will let you know if any are helpful. I appreciate your response, it allowed me to not feel so alone. I also wish you the best.