I Fault Myself For Everything

Today was a very unperfect day for an unperfect girl with a perfection complex.

Last night, I took too much of my anti-anxiety medication and this morning I was really drowsy, but I was determined not to miss my first day of class for anything.  I packed my lunch before, packed my backpack, layed out my clothes and jewelry, bathed, and I did everything to make sure everything went perfectly.

I drove for 10 minutes and pulled in a gas station.  I couldn't keep my eyes open and I felt really groggy.  I couldn't stay awake long enough to murmur to my mom that I was sleepy and I couldn't drive.  Being the good mother she is, she came to the gas station, parked her car, took me to my class, which lasted a little over an hour, picked me up, and brought me home.

I feel awful and ashamed because everything didn't go as planned and I feel disappointed in myself for not doing things "the right way".  I know that it's not possible to attain perfection, but when I "make mistakes" or do something "bad" or "wrong", I feel devastated.  Completely crushed.  I know I'm not alone out there.  That's why I joined this group.
brujis brujis
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 20, 2007

How very wise you are Naked.

I'm sure you know this but when you seek perfection you will always meet with failure at some point b/c your goals are unrealistic. Perfection is pretty much attainable only through mathematical equations and subjective beauty (a perfect sunset). I think having lofty goals is a great idea and they should be pursued. But the idea that you will attain everything and every way you ever seek will not work out. I think that it may help you to try to be happier with a little less, there is much beauty in living more simply and being satisfied with the world, imperfections and all.