I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up

No, not literally, but I do need a lot of help right now.

With my power chair in the shop and no offer of a loaner while it’s being worked on, I’m a bit useless at home.

I do a lot around the house, I accomplish all of it from my power chair. I vacuum, dust, sweep, dust mop, wash dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, wipe down the counters and appliances, wash – fold – and put away laundry, feed the pets, mop the floors, collect – bag – and empty the trash, cook, make the bed, straighten the living room, walk Kodi, pooper-scoop the yard, water the trees and flowers, etc. from my power chair.

Not having it here has meant having to ask my husband to do some of those things for me. I know he works about 63 hours a week outside the home at two jobs, I appreciate what he’s able to do for our family, so it makes it very hard for me to ask him to do more around the house, but I have to say the faces, huffing, exaggerated sighs don’t make it any easier.

I have prided myself on not having to ask for much help since becoming disabled. I really push myself to do what I can, to do more than I’m supposed to do, so I don’t feel so much like a burden.

Since losing my chair mid-day on Thursday, the house has literally gone to hell in a hand-basket. Having so many people in and out providing services, I strive to keep, at the very least, the living room and kitchen looking organized and neat. I can close other doors if things aren’t in their proper places, but coming in the front door exposes the main living area to everyone.

I asked him, last night, if he could take Kodi out to go potty, while dinner was cooking and he made a face, rolled his eyes and pushed the pot off the burner as he sighed forcefully and called Kodi. I asked him to please NOT have an attitude, as I feel badly enough about not being able to do all the things I normally do and having to depend on others so much.

He responded with “I don’t have an attitude.”, adding… “I’m trying to do one thing and you want me to do something else.”

I didn’t respond, because in my head I was thinking, welcome to my world, as I’m often multi-tasking as he sits in his recliner playing a video game or reading a book. I don’t think I’ve made one meal in the last month that I haven’t been washing dishes or packing a lunch for the next day or doing laundry at the same time. I’m often cooking more than one thing at once, preparing things for his lunches the rest of the week or making a meal my son will eat because he doesn’t like what I have on the menu.

I really hate to ask for help. I hate to have to ask him to do something because I can’t. I know he doesn’t prioritize the same way I do, he doesn’t think some things are necessities as I do, he usually thinks when I’m asking him to do something for me that I’m suggesting he do it in his time frame, whenever he gets to it, as opposed to right that moment when I actually need it to be done.

I wish I had one of those “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” call buttons hardwired into my husband so when I need him I can push the button and send an electric shock to his butt, rocketing him off his recliner and into action. LOL
rollingwithhusky rollingwithhusky
46-50, F
4 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Sylvia,<br />
I'm sorry you're enduring that.<br />
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We have a similar situation. He works outside the home because I simply can't any longer. He thinks everything inside is my responsibility, some things outside, such as weeding the flower beds (which requires me to sit on the ground and walk on my fanny down the lawn so I don't hurt myself) and pooper-scooping the yard. The only thing he does with any regularity at home is mow the lawn. I can't even get him to take the garbage out. <br />
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Before my disability, I did all the housework, all the yard work, ran all the errands, cooked all the meals, did all the laundry and walked the dog. He literally only went to work and came home. I served him his dinner in his recliner. <br />
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When I became disabled I strove to do as much as I could of the things I had done before. Maybe he doesn't realize how difficult it really is, because I push myself so hard. <br />
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I don't get to lie down and rest the way I'm supposed to either. I've been in so much pain in the past that I could hardly move without tears, yet he came into the bedroom and asked me when I was going to get up to make dinner. Sometimes I think he just doesn't think. He's really not a bad guy. <br />
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I'm working on putting my foot down and taking the time I need. I hope you'll take care of yourself too and not allow the things your bf does to get you down.

awwww i know what you mean..i need my cane to get around, but somedays on rainy days my hips (which have no sockets & are arthritic) get so painful i can't even walk without so much more pain...my bf and i both have office jobs, but i still do all the housework,,,while he's suppose to do the outdoor stuff,,,basically all he does is mow the lawn...all the junk our dog brings in is still all over the place..but even on my bad days when i am trying to rest he starts walking around and pacing back and forth in front my me and getting in the way when i'm trying to watch t.v...I just cannot rest without any hassle from him...and when i stay home and from work he wont' talk to me allll day when he get back from the office,,,like wth for some reason he gets scared or doesnt like that i'm not up and about...i have thought so many times of leaving him...but i'm scared to be alone...<br />
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anyway i know how you feel and i hope you get your chair back...its so sad when the people you love are the ones who don't understand and you feel betrayed when they don't appreciate that you do all you can possibly do for them...and they take advantage of you...soooooo sad...your the best and try to take care of yourself not only everyone else!!

I'm sorry about your situation. <br />
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I dearly love my husband, but I have to say he's got this "I don't care" attitude that just makes me crazy! <br />
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I don't know whether he thinks elves come in at night and get all this stuff done or what, but we had a long talk today and I told him he has to understand how difficult he's making things for me. He always tells me "I'm trying", but today I hit him with, "You've been 'trying' for 26 years now, I'm thinking if you're still not getting it right, maybe there's something seriously wrong there, honey?" <br />
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Since we moved into this house, 4 years ago, he's been acting as if having a one level home alleviated my disability completely. Perhaps after having to help out for these 5 days, he'll have a little more appreciation for what I'm doing and how tough it is to get it all done. <br />
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Thanks for sharing.

I feel for you girl, I was temporarily immobile for about 3 months from falling of a stairs at home, was bed ridden and nothing come close to compassion from my spouse but a sneer. This was the test of in our marriage which was a short one, I am now happy without any of the unnecessarily stress.