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My Husband Wants More Than One Wife

I am 25 and I have been married for five years.  My husband recently told me that he has been wanting to have more than one wife for as long as he can remember.  I don't know if I can handle sharing my husband with another woman or women for all that matters.  I know in the bible Abraham had more than one wife and so did so many other men in the bible.  I also have been watching the "sister wives" on tv and I see how much love is there.  I just don't know if I can get over my feelings about all of this.  Even though my husband tells me over and over that his love for me wont change, if anything it will become stronger.  I just can't help but tp feel that it will.  That his love for the other woman will be greater than his love for me.  The main reason I feel this way is because I have made alot of mistakes in my marriage.  Mistakes that really hurt my husbands heart.  I do believe  that another wife would help to mend his broken heart, but I am afraid it will push me away as well.  Please be open minded and don't judge my husband.  What should I do?   

ladyaine21 ladyaine21 22-25 12 Responses May 23, 2011

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Don't do it.

my husband and i are entering into a relationship with my friend of 3years and im nervous yes but i feel its the right thing. i want to expand the love and having alot of children is in my plans, if it doesnt feel right dont do it

We are definatly polygamists and we have founf it wonderful and strngthening. i trusted my husband to love me as always and he did, in fact it isstronger than ever. Two wives and 5 kids. we love god and each other. this is a real love and its wonderful. If you cannot trust your husband and you feel such deep inscurity in your slf and he. Then i advise you DO NOT try it and this would destroy your marrige. Only do this if you truly feel love and trust in your husband and his love for you. we have been married for 10 years now. I cannot tell you the Joy we share

I think you should let him have a second wife he obviously wants it plus you will be able to have more kids:)

i agree with CafeBum.<br />
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as for everyone insisting "get rid of him" or "he's wanting to compensate for something else", ... get a clue.<br />
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if hubby wasn't happy it would be an issue of not being happy. i'd like to believe Ladyaine would be able to tell if that was the case.<br />
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being a guy in an almost similar boat, except at this point in my life g/f is strongly against it, so i'm not perusing it<br />
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if your worried about receiving less love from him, ... your right, but only because he's gotta learn to divide his time and keep up with several women. if your worried about his love of you, he's either fooling himself (and trying to compensate for something else), or he's going to make the time he does have with you far more important. as i keep telling my g/f "quality time vs. all the time"<br />
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i don't think many people know there is a difference, if hubby or lady is there all the time then all-the-time must mean it's all quality time. you can sit in the same room doing your own thing knowing what the other person is doing and be fine with that or you can be having a casual walk in a park hanging on each others every word. the first is frustrating to me (the source of more arguments then i can count), the second are the times i adore and praise more than anything else in our relationship.<br />
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as for intimacy. if you do decide to agree to a second lady in the house make sure everyone (including hubby) is respecting everyone, that no one is doing anything in front of the other lady just to rub it in their face "this is what i'm getting now and your not"<br />
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men & women both have problems with that, yet like it or not, when hubby or wife cheats their partner often doesn't notice a sudden lack of attention or intimacy, it's just totally dishonest to everyone involved.<br />
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as many have mentioned there can be an increased amount of attention, intimacy, and excitment in their relationship.<br />
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if it works it works, then it's learning a new kind of love and friendship<br />
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if it doesn't work, then hubby couldn't balance things, you couldn't get past your jealousies, or the new lady was not a good fit to your household.<br />
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if your going to give it a try i would say though make sure you've got as much input on who your sisterwife is (maybe more), otherwise, .. guys have a tendancy to think with the wrong head, and that often gets us in trouble.<br />
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we're guys, there's no defending it, we're guys, we'll jump on near anything with 2 legs given a chance. the better of us want to find someone that matches so there is a better chance of a serious relationship. when polygamy comes into play hubby is going to be looking for his interests, and if your not looking out for your interests it's a random chance that you find someone who can be a good friend to you as well.<br />
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if you can't find someone you trust and can live with and have a friendship as good as you have with hubby it will never work. and that can put a lot of strain on the marriage.<br />
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if you can find the right person, and hubby does balance his time, the first while is learning to overcome your worries and jealousies, then you find yourself a stronger woman and a more loving family afterwards.<br />
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if hubby is going to push this regardless of what your wishes are that's a different issue things may work out eventually, but hubby is going to be instant on his wishes over your comfort. only slightly better than hubby looking for an additional lady to compensate for other areas, but your splitting hairs here. and compensating or pushing it regardless of your feelings are both good ways to end an otherwise happy marriage<br />
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i'd also be a little hesitant about the 4thefamily website, the regulars have a habit of defending bad behaviors of other regulars who try to compete for every woman that comes in. half the curiosities visitors have are shot down by some of the regulars as well who are dealing with their own insecurities and don't want a reminder of what they can't handle. otherwise it's a decent place for information, but personally i wouldn't say a good place for more then that

If and when you find the right woman to marry your husband, and be your sister wife. You won't see it as sharing but see it more as a community full of love. <br />
I'm looking to be a sister wife not to compete but to expand on love and live in a family that is growing and laughing.

I don't think that polygamy is a fix or curative of any kind for a marriage that is hurting. If the two of you have some issues that need ironed out, that MUST be fixed before bringing another person into your family. It would be unfair to her, and to you, for you to bring her into a marriage that isn't strong or is hurting for whatever reason. You mentioned that you have made some mistakes in your marriage - so have I, as do most people. We're not perfect. Start with forgiving yourself, and then formally ask your husband to forgive you. Once you have achieved that, start living your marriage the way you dream that it should be. Live a life of gratitude and appreciation for your marriage and your husband, and work on healing any wounds that the two of you have. If polygamy is something that you both feel would be a blessing for you, after those wounds have healed, then by all means, work toward that. But don't jump into it when your marriage needs work. Polygamy (and any other alternative or fringe relationship type) really is for those who are strong in their feelings and have healthy relationships and all parties are not only compliant and complicit but also desiring of the changes - you can't invite another woman into your family if you're not sure it wouldn't destroy the marriage you currently have. It just wouldn't be fair to any of you.

dozulu you must have misread the question ladyaine21 said that SHE was the one who thought an additional wife would, "help to mend his broken heart." There is no indication that that is actually what the husband feels.<br />
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I agree with this: "You two need to get a vision of what you want your marriage, and your life, to look like in 5 years,10 years, 20 years and then work toward that goal. Each day, get up and ask yourself what can you do TODAY to improve your life. Sometimes this involves deleting unhealthy patterns. Sometimes this involves adding something beneficial. Eventually, if both of you work at it together, you will get there." dozulu when you were in a polygamous marriage did you do these things?<br />
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ladyaine21 don't be fooled a polygamous marriage is going to be WAY harder than a monogamous one. Yet at the same time the rewards will also be FAR greater. All the hatred and loathing of polygamy comes from our Romanized culture. You need to learn to overcome the culture that has been programmed into you since you were born.<br />
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I recommend going to www.4thefamily.us They have a chatroom there and the people there are very friendly. You will be able to meet some people who actually make polygamy work. Share your feelings there and they can share additional insights. There are good and bad marriages both in monogamy and polygamy. So why not get advice from people who are actually successfully living polygamy rather than monogamists only or ex-polygamists?<br />
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But I disagree that it must be done in a strictly monogamous setting.

People mistake boredom for a reason to make poor decisions. As a person who has done this, and spent a full decade getting back to a normal life afterward, I can tell you that if your husband thinks that this will cure his discontentment, he is very wrong. He is only adding to his problems instead of working on the underlying issues. You need to encourage him to get a new house, different job, new truck or new bass boat instead of another woman. Inanimate ob<x>jects dont get their heart broken when this whole thing blows up. You need to be VERY CLEAR with your husband that this is NOT an option. If you do not, you should not expect to ever have any peace again until you finally wind up leaving, or give up ever having any happiness because you are in too deep to get out. Cut your losses now before it gets worse. You two need to get a vision of what you want your marriage, and your life, to look like in 5 years,10 years, 20 years and then work toward that goal. Each day, get up and ask yourself what can you do TODAY to improve your life. Sometimes this involves deleting unhealthy patterns. Sometimes this involves adding something beneficial. Eventually, if both of you work at it together, you will get there. My husband and I have been maried to each other, and only each other, for all of our life. It has been 35 years of growth but we are now fully comforable that we can do anything together that we set our minds to do. We are much happier now as a couple than we were in the beginning. It is a learning curve. Anything that takes you away from each other as the most important person in your spouses life, is a mistake. Sometimes a fatal one for the marriage. Do not let guilt permit you to make a bad situation worse. This kind of accounting only ruins lives. <br />
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A Friend

It doesn't seem as though Polygamy is for you.<br />
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It isn't something that you enter to please your husband it should be a mutually beneficial arrangement for all parties concerned. <br />
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I always think polygamy works best when the 'females' desire the idea of living within a sisterhood more than any other aspect of say typical Marriage. If that true desire isn't there its unlikely to work.

I do want my husband and of course I care about my husband, dearly, that's the only reason I am considering the more than one wife thing. Do you have a a legitimate reason why I shouldn't accept another woman into my marriage?

make up your mind. do you want your husband or not? If you want HIM, then do your best to be a good wife, but do NOT accept another woman into your marriage. If you dont really care aobut him, then divorce his ***.<br />
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THINK about what he is asking for... another wife.