Not My Main Story But Relevant For the Last Year of My Life!

I have a lot to say about this part of myself, but this morning, I just was struck by this group.  I didn't realize that I have never joined it.  I have always been a glass half full, rose-colored glasses kind of girl.  And over the last year, that has been an amazing gift - it has literally been a life-saver to me.

I have been very depressed - mostly due to the state of my 15 year marriage (that is a whole other can of worms) - and sometimes if it weren't first for my beautiful, loving and compassionate daughters (how can you not smile when your children are hugging you or sitting in your lap or snuggling with you in bed?) and second for my positive disposition, I may have made a really big mistake!

I can't contemplate suicide - I just can't help but think that things WILL get better - I know they will and that if I were to kill myself, I might miss some really GREAT things!!  I know there are so many other logical reasons that suicide is not a solution plus I had a friend that DID commit suicide and that was an awful experience for her friends and family!  My positive attitude is always there even when the logical thoughts weren't - even when I wasn't feeling rational due to all of the emotions and the depression - KNOWING that life will get better saved me - I have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS had hope even if it was deeper down some times more than others!

I thank God every day for making me a positive person!

DorothyofOz DorothyofOz
41-45, F
5 Responses May 27, 2009

My mother commited suicide when I was 7. You have no idea how hard it is to deal with. I'm glad you decided to stay and live with your gorgeous daughters. Trust me, you need a mother to survive. My auntie took that spot and our lives got a bit better, but your true mother knows you best. I'd love to chat with you xx

I am with you all the way on this Dorothy, there are some things you cannot change in life, but you do have total control over the way you look at these things!!!

Joywish and Sparklilly - you all have no idea how you have made my WEEK! Such lovely things to say - thank you!<br />
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CJ - I never thought of leaving - thanks to this positive spirit that I feel like God blessed me with - I may get down - but I will never get out! (and you just inspire me further!)

Dorothy great story. <br />
Glad you have decided to stay<br />
. For depression hurts but if you can see through it it makes life easier.<br />
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And your children want ther mom to be around.<br />
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For you gave them life..

"My positive attitude is always there even when the logical thoughts weren't"<br />
<br />
I love this part!<br />
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Sometimes, logically, you should feel down (things are not going well, you've done terrible mistakes, etc).. but your positive attitude should be there no matter what that logic says!<br />
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Loved it. Gotta think about that idea more often. Thanks!