Wow Pregnancy. It Sure Is A Beautiful Thing.

  I'm four months pregnant at 17 years old. No, this wasn't a planned pregnancy but my 18y.o. fiance and myself were in agreement that if I ever got pregnant it would be no problem. We are in a very stable relationship and plan on being together until we both part the earth. When I first realized I was pregnant I felt a sort of panic. I wasn't sure what to do next. I felt really sick twenty-four seven to the point where I almost felt it was a mistake. Looking back I don't know how I could have ever thought that. Carrying a precious life inside you is the most amazing thing in the world. Being the protector of something that couldn't make it on its own is the most epic feeling. It makes you feel important. You get this loving feeling practically from the start knowing it's yours.   

  Once I started gaining weight it was blatantly obvious. Being a mere 101 lbs it didn't take much for kids at school to start noticing. That's when the gossip and rumors began. Even though I always felt terrible I never really got "physically ill." Yet rumors would spread around that I was in the bathroom throwing up. People would look straight at me, turn to their friends, and say "ugh, I heard she's pregnant" or similar comments when they knew I could here them. The more "popular" girls would just tell people that I was probably getting fat, even though I was only growing a little bump in the center of my very small body. Once people realized I wasn't getting fat all over they knew that wasn't the case. More and more people would walk up to me every day and ask. It still happens to this day and it's rather annoying. Now everyone thinks they can talk to me. Even the people who shunned me from their lives beforehand will come up and place their hand on my tummy or wave merrily if they see me in public; as if me being pregnant just changes everything. I think its being hypocritical. Guys especially are giving me attention out the butt. Telling me "wow, you look gorgeous today," "you look very beautiful," or "man you look pretty in that shirt." I've even had guys telling me that my baby bump is "adorable," "cute," and "hot." Recently a guy told me he "bets a lot of guys go after me now because my baby bump is so appealing." Disgusting! I honestly think my whole school is going crazy. Even the teachers are giving me more attention. There is literally no one person who doesn't talk to me at my school now only because of the being inside me. In a way it makes me feel special but, I know it's false. As soon as I have my baby it's just going to go back to the old "Sha***** who?" days.

  Now on to the parents. My fiance's parents and family have known since the beginning of month three. They have been nothing but supportive. They are also so very excited about the baby. Unfortunately I was very reluctant to tell my family. My dad being out of the picture since I was five months old, I had one less person to worry about. I felt telling my mom would go to either one extreme or the other, either she really wouldn't care about me being pregnant or she would be SUPER angry. The angry part made me way too worried about telling her. Once the social workers were tipped off by someone in my school about the pregnancy they kept pushing me and pushing me to tell my family and other things, I was honestly about to break. Apparently they know nothing about handling the emotions of a hot tempered and easily broken teen. Luckily, just this Friday morning, as I was on the bus to school I had this amazingly strong feeling. This feeling was telling me to text my mom right that minute and tell her. I did. I nearly threw up and fainted waiting for her reply. When I finally got the text back I had arrived at the school. Standing in the girls first floor bathroom, I had to steady myself against the sink, bracing for the worst. I opened it hesitantly. It nearly knocked me over what she said, "We will get things taken care of. So do not worry. I can take care of it while you go to school. I love you!!!" She told me she loved me...for the first time in my life. I stood there, my eyes filling with tears as I fought them back. I had to turn around to keep another girl walking in from noticing. Even writing this tears are spilling. If you knew my mom you would understand why this is so emotional for me. I never felt a connection with my mom. I even told people I hated her. I even accidentally sent a text to her, meant for a friend, calling my mother a *****. Yet, she told me she loved me for once, and it hurt. It made me feel like the most terrible person alive. I still wish I could take anything I've ever said back and I know I can't. I did the next best thing I could think of, I texted her back, "K. I love you too." I told her I loved her for the first time in a long time and actually meant it so much.

  Ah, yes a tissue. That's better. Now to a different kind of emotion. Motherly love. :) Even as this baby and I grow bigger every day so does my love. Sadly I haven't gotten to see my baby yet. That's all going to change this week. :D I'm going to my first appointment and I'll get to see my baby and everything! Possibly I might even get to know the gender, but it may be too early to tell. Even at this very moment my baby is kicking, such a strong kick. I love every movement. <3 With each passing moment I feel more and more connected with it. Despite the ridicule and crap I've put up with so far I wouldn't dream of giving it up for adoption or wish I could go back and never have gotten pregnant. This is a gift, the ultimate gift, a priceless gift, a gift I couldn't return, the gift of life. Life is a wonderful thing.

angel8893 angel8893
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 7, 2010

im sure youve had your baby by now. but i want to say how very brave and strong you are.. specially to go through all that at school. i myself am a pregnant teen too! im 20 weeks along right now and i will find out the sex in 9 days. i count down the days because im so excited. luckily my bf is stayin with me and his parents n mine are supportive. msg me if you would ever like to talk and tell me about your experience. :) any advice too :D <br />
my bf and i are getting very excited since we feel it kicking. im also very thin so its gonna b very noticeable at school.<br />
just need help getting through that.

Yea, I have several pictures. They were all taken in 4D so they're really clear as opposed to the normal ultrasounds. I actually found out I'm further along than I thought, 22 weeks, nearly 23 now.

Thanks. I really appreciate both of your comments. I'm happy to say I went to my first appointment and got to see my baby. I listened to its heartbeat and everything. Although I had to go through all of those terrible tests I found out I'm having a boy! I couldn't be any more excited.