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The Good That Came From Evil

I am a product of rape and I am 15 years old. Being a child who has a mother that was raped puts you in a different category in ppl's minds. For example, there is help for the victims but what about their children. I am grateful for this website because it has opened my eyes and showed me that I am not alone...This is my story.....

It seems as if as long as I can remember, I knew about how my dad raped my mom. I guess I was around the age of 5 when she told me. I know I was a curious child, and it must have been burdensome for her to get continuos questions like : "where's my dad?" or "why does everyone else have a dad and I don't?". I don't remember my mom telling me this but i do remember her response when I asked how she told my family. I specifically remember how she said my grandma fell to her knees and my uncle was extremely hurt. I think it may have hit him hardest the most. However, this was only the beginning. She had to follow that somber announcement letting them know that as a result, she was pregnant. As time grew by, I remember riding around town with my grandma and sitting in my booster seat very sad. She would always ask what was on my mind and I would let her know that it was just I hated how my mommy was hurt in order to have me. "Why couldn't it have been another way?", I would say. Eventually, I blurted out "I wish that I was never born". This made my grandma very sad to hear me at such a young age feeling this way. But this experience has only made me stronger.

I also remember being young and one of my peers continually picking on me. She would constantly say "ha ha, you don't have a daddy and I do." I would constantly cry. Also, my grandma told me a similar story about getting picked on when I was little. She told me how me and my cousins were spending the day with her and we were playing in the back. However, they began picking on me and saying that "I didn't know my dad". It really hurt my feelings and I cried so hard. I ran to the front and came to my grandma sobbing and I said "Grandma who's my daddy, who's my daddy?" All she could do was hug me as tears strolled down her eyes because she wanted to know the exact same thing and could not give me an answer. As I grew older, I began to question why God allowed what happened to happen and if I was ever a burden to my mom. For years, I became slightly depressed and ashamed and often wondered if I needed to seek counselling. I just didn't know what was wrong with me and had low self-esteem.

However, I was so showered and blessed with love from my family that an outsider would not be able to guess that I am a child from rape. I am so proud of myself and thankful to God because today I am a totally new person. I have so much peace in my heart.... it is the best feeling ever!!! I am so blessed because a father's presence was never missed! God's word gives me peace. I really love the scripture that says God is a father to the fatherless because that is what he was to me. I have never been in need of anything! God has blessed me and my mom and we have been making it! I love my life and never again since my younger age have i questioned why I was born. In my opinion, I believe that my life can be a testimony showing that God truly takes care of his children... even the ones like me- the fatherless.

I love my mommy but most of all, I love God. As I think about this entire situation now, i have realized that he was the one that kept his little tiny innocent child all of those times people hurt her feelings or made her sad. He was the one that gave her peace in an event that was meant for evil! I may not have felt it at the time, but the whole time, he was giving me love!
Even though life may seem hard at times,if we seek God's help and show him some love, we will truly get our reward in the end.
mia1105 mia1105 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 13, 2012

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Great story.

That was a terrible moment and ordeal you faced. But, God delivered you, your mom, and the rest of your family from that place.

Do not worry about your rapist father because he is going to get what is coming to him.

The Lord God is your eternal father.

Thank you for sharing this story. It shows how you've grown to embrace your existence. It is great you've had such a supportive family too.