My Mother Has Never Loved Me, Because I'm The Product Of A Rape....

I found out when I was 8 years old that the dad I have now wasn't my biological father. Not sure how to react to it at that age, I just pushed it aside and considered him my dad, (he married my mom when I was 2, so he's the only father I've ever known.) Before this my childhood was not that great, I was what they would call an abused child now a days. I never really understood why, I just thought getting slapped, hit and put down all the time was normal. I do have 1 older brother, 1 younger and a younger sister. They were always treated differently then I was, once again just thought that was normal. As I grew up the physical abuse twindled down, but the emotional and mental part of it seemed to be the same if not worse at times. I was abused by my older brother quite often with no help from my mom to stop this, here goes the normal thing again....always normal I thought. The day I turned 18 my mother told me my biological father wanted to meet me, I was nervous and scared a bit, but did so. It actually turned out to be one of my favorite memories. I was able to see and meet alot of my family from that side, and enjoyed them very much. I did talk to my (dad) about why he left and divorced my mom, he did tell me he was an alcoholic and was somewhat abusive, so they divorced and he left. I listened and to my surprise didn't hate him for it. That whole day I felt important and loved. I went home that night to my mother not being happy about my visit with him, it was then she reveiled he had raped her, they were married still, but he forced it at one point. There I stood just being told I was the product of a rape. Ya great birthday gift. I finally realized all the normallicy (sp) I was feeling wasn't normal it was hatred. When my husband and I were married in 1999, right before that my mother finally told me why I was treated differently then my brothers and sister, I reminded her of my biological father, both looks and him raping her. She told me and my husband she could never love me or get close to me because of it. Not to confuse you, my older brother is from a different father, no rape there, and my younger siblings are from the dad I have now. This has affected me since I found out, but she has somehow been able to coax the whole side of my family not to have anything to do with me, (the family I have now, not my bio family). I'm glad there's a support group for individuals like me. Everyone wants to be accepted, but more loved. I know that will never happen for me, hopefully it will for you.
482289atzx 482289atzx
8 Responses Nov 27, 2012

Me 2 sister I feel your pain is not our fault but we seem to feel guilty for what our mothers went through.

When I started reading this, I thought I was reading my life. We have near identical stories. I'm 52 now and even at this late stage, I'm just beginning to feel the depth of the pain my mother has inflicted on me over the course of my life. From as far back as I can remember, my mother told me often how much she hated me, that I reminded her of my rapist father. She would beat me with any object she could get her hands on and humiliate me verbally in front of friends or family. She made my life hell. She's still doing it. But I'm finally ready to stop taking it. I hope you will too. You're not alone and you deserve love. We both do.

that sucks

Why did she have you if she was raped? The fault is entirely hers, she is an abusive scum bag.

You're not alone. Some people in this world just have no hearts. Unlike them, I can see that you do.


Of course you can. You're the dipshit. Rape isn't dismissed in the grounds of marriage. Rape is rape. Read a book.

It's better to know the truth no matter how ugly it is. MANY children are born into this cruel world without adequate guardianship/parenting, and they suffer bigtime (Which is why I'd rather adopt than create more children).

It's very wrong of your mom to discriminate against you for being conceived in a rape. It's just not fair, no child asks to come into this monstrous world. We should all just make the very best we can of our existence, and not allow ******** to get us down!

There are lots of children born of rape (I'm one of them) that are loved and accepted just as any other child might be (I'm not one of them) and your mum using that as an excuse isn't fair. Obviously being raped can't be a nice experience but it does not give the victim license to abuse anyone else, particularly not an adult woman abusing her child. Is not fair. Parents with personality disorders often single out one child to be the family scapegoat and select other children to be a golden child and create terrible family dynamics because of it. Often this is for no real reason, her punishing you for you father isn't fair at all, it's more likely she's mad at herself for being with him, she is an adult and should no better than to take it out on you. There is a website called bright house about parents with personality disorders and also one called out of the fog which are good, reading them might help you feel better about your situation and give you a bit of help in dealing with your mum.

If you had been put for adoption, you're life would have been a lot different. You probably wouldn't have been the victim of physical and emotional abuse and would have been spared this ordeal. It might have been very difficult when you found out about this later on as an adult, but you would have been spared this growing up. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

I was put up for adoption (I wasn't the product of rape). My biological mother told me that her first husband (not my biological father) was not a nice person and she was lucky to have gotten out of the relationship alive. She never would tell me what happen.. At the very least she suffered emotional abuse where she was threatened with violence. My guess is that it was more than emotional abuse. Had I been with her and she married someone like this, I most likely would have been a victim of child abuse or at the very least emotional abuse. I was spared from this.