My Mother Is The Strongest Person I Know

As a young child, I never questioned who my dad was. In my heart and mind, my dad was the man that has raised me with my mother since day one. Growing up, I lived in a small predominantly white community. My dad is white and that's where his family lived so we stayed close to them. Being the only Asian family in town, I never knew difference between someone that looked full Asian and someone that was half Asian. It wasn't until we moved to a bigger city with a bigger Asian community that I started wondering to myself whether my dad was my biological dad or not. People didn't believe me when I told them my dad was white and it made me start seeing differences between me and my brother, who's biological dad is the dad that has raised me. My dad and I had to get a DNA test done in order for me to get my paperwork done for my citizenship. His name is on my birth certificate, so I didn't think it would be a huge deal. Well of course, the test came back negative. It took my parents a full year after they received the test results to tell me the truth. I was 22. I think they thought that I would be angry, but I always had my assumptions about it. My dad had explained to me that my mom was raped while he was overseas, so I'm the product of a rape. My mom told him what happened and he said he would still raise me as his own. For a while, I hated myself. I was absolutely disgusted with myself and I felt like I was a monster. I would spend hours looking at myself in the mirror wondering how much I look like my biological dad...wondering how my mom managed to look at me every day of my life and still love me unconditionally. I remember her saying that initially she tried aborting me but it ended up being too painful since the technique in her home country wasn't advanced. Now I feel terrible about how much of a rebel I was in high school and how bad of a hard time I gave my parents. I remind myself that if my mom wasn't as strong as she was, I wouldn't be here and that my dad didn't HAVE to put up with me since he wasn't my biological dad. I'm very grateful that they did though. I have a wonderful life now with two amazing children. Part of me is curious about who the man is that did this to my mother, but the other part of me could really care less. Still, in my heart my dad is the wonderful man that raised me and decided to take care of me before I was born. The man that's still there for me and that's a wonderful grandfather to my children. I will always be grateful that my mother was willing enough to keep me in her life and provide me with amazing opportunities so I can be where I am now. And, I will always have the utmost respect for her.
lexi1112 lexi1112
Dec 13, 2012