Leaving Escorting

I hope that nobody thinks I am preaching to them by writing this. We all have our own opinions on the business and here is my story...

I am reading so many stories on here about how proud of everybody is of being an escort. I couldnt feel farther away from their opinions.

I remember the glam phase when I first became a prostitute 2 years ago. I thought I was happy and finally had control of myself and had all of these plans to pay off debts, save for college, potentially save for down payment on a condo.. the list goes on. Eventually, the glamour wore off for me and I found myself hating myself more than ever. I have always had issues with men, and thought that by getting paid for men to come and sleep with me- that I was in control of them finally. Well, in reality the money was in control of me and it just became a continuous cycle for 2 years. Besides the money there is nothing glamouros about being a prostitute (you never will be Julia Roberts in "Pretty woman"). I do have to say that I have come across some great clients, but the ******** and disgusting creeps by far outweigh that. It was never fun having to spread my legs or suck some older man off and be treated like a piece of **** for 2 years.

I have lost my strong work ethic (since you tend to make your own schedule and sleep in like nobodys business), have lost amazing relationships with my friends and family and have just lost myself.

Right now I am trying my best to find a normal job and am basically at square one again, probably more in debt than ever and have acquired no real life job skills over the past 2 years to really be beneficial to any employers in this economy. I am having to go through councelling, because I truly feel horrible that I put my body & self respect through all of this for money.

Over the past 2 years, I do have to look back and say I made an incredible amount of money, but am saddened that I was too stupid to not save a penny. I am embaressed that I resorted to selling my body for superficial reasons such as trips to the salon, brand name clothes and expensive trips to the bar (I found myself being reckless with drugs & alcohol to numb my pain). Upon becoming an escort I was doing a job that was hard, but I did love it and although I struggled with money.. I do have to say I was much happier then.

If you are reading this and thinking of becoming an escort- please please think it over with great thought.

For now, I am hoping to rebuild all of the relationships that I have lost throughout the past 2 years and am hoping to become back to my happier self, one day at a time. Thanks for reading this, I really just needed to get this off of my chest.
danceandlove danceandlove
22-25, F
13 Responses Aug 11, 2010

Im sitting here in a hotel about to make the same step as you thanks

wow thank you for being so honest - i can not imagine the things you where put through.
Good luck for the future

While I really don't want to become one I am living in a abusive living situation and lack job skills and need money to get away from them. I wish I had other options right now but I don't. Please don't judge me anyone you don't know my specific situation life and circumstances. There isn't a one size fit all reality or solutions.

Great story! Im trying to get out of the biz too! No expansive designer wardrobe is worth feeling like nothing and hating yourself every minute when working.

Plan, choice<br />
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You likely had a vague plan. Next time try a written one with a timeline and series of goals.<br />
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You were not stupid, but ignorant.<br />
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I have seen women make $2,000 through $40,000 in a single night.<br />
I have seen those women fall into two groups<br />
Look at all this money and throw it around to impress themselves and others.<br />
Invest it, nurture it, use it as a tool to achieve clear goals.<br />
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One very good friend of mine, whose father was a corporate lawyer making 250k (40 years ago when that was money), she fresh out of law school and having passed the bar, chose a different path and made more than 250k the first year. Within 5 years she had a net worth of 25 million. At the end of 10, she was up over 100 million.<br />
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She never saw a man she did not like more than once. She enjoyed her life and work. and yes much of that money did not come directly from her work, but from her shrewd investing.<br />
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You had a "oh well I'll just......." but never looked to see, nor had a clear plan of how and the clear steps to get to your goal. Under it all, you did not like yourself, the men or the work. You chose to see everything the way you saw it.<br />
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now again you are faced with plan choice.

Being a Pro is not for everyone. Some find great enjoyment in their profession, while others suffer burn out and become jaded and decide to blame everything bad that's ever happened to them on the fact that they were a prostitute. My theory is that your life wasn't at its peak when you decided to become sex worker in first place, and you magically thought the money and sexual power you would have as provider could somehow change all these things and wash away preexisting and much deeper feelings of low self esteem and poor self image . Only to find that in the end , you were just kidding yourself , and you had merely put a band aide on a much deeper issue that needed to been addressed .<br />
There are definitely advantages and disadvantages that come into view when one considers entering into the profession. You have to make a decision ba<x>sed on what's good for you and understand completely what the consequences could be from the choices you are about to make. <br />
If you can live with your decision and have made the proper considerations then the best of luck to ya. <br />
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For those who carelessly think that this is a quick fix for everything that's not right in your life, you couldn't be more wrong about what your getting ready to get yourself involved in. You will eventually become very disappointed and disillusioned later on when the " Honeymoon Phase" is over and reality sets in. Even though the money and the self imagined power that you may feel as provider can be intoxicating. The reality is that you will be judged harshly and treated sometimes as a second class citizen when people find out what you do. People will see you as a threat and turn against you. The one good thing about this when it happens, is that you will gain a better understanding of who your true friends really are and those of who are not. Then some time after that comes the isolation . When you realize you have to be very guarded about what you tell people about yourself . This in it's self can become very perplexing , uncomfortable and exhausting after a while. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with all the lies you will have to tell to protect yourself .<br />
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The threat of being arrested is always a looming concern . Add to that the stress and the over all unpredictable nature of the biz and you've got yourself one big hot mess if you're not careful.<br />
Even though providing is a great way to earn money and meet many interesting people , it's not for everyone. No matter how society views it , it is just a job like any other job and it should be treated by others as such, and not tainted and corrupted by society's insecure views of their own sexuality that force what is perfectly natural for two human beings to be engaged in into something evil and immoral. Calling what should be perceived as a true and pure force of human nature vulgar and disgusting . While giving no worth at all to the true value of human touch speaks of great sadness with in it's self. Great sadness and years of repression , fear ,and the need for control. <br />
Women who are providers should be just as proud of their profession as any of us are about our own professions. They should be brought into the working fold and made to feel as if they belong just as any professional would be made to feel by his or her fellow peers. It's a business and that's what it should be recognized as.. It should not bet seen as some soul stealing vacuum that preys on the innocent . It's a viable source of income for many women and men who have decided to live out side of the confines of society's sexually repressed notions and its guilt riddled shame.

Good for you. I won't go into the life of an escort because I'm not one (though I've visited a few). Life is what you make of it and we all go down roads that teach us about ourselves. I'm happy for you that you decided to make a change and decided what was important to you.<br />
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I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

You are obviously a thinking person with the ability to see yourself. You haven't lost that! You are smart and honest and have brought to light some very real natural inner human consequences that i might not have thought of or known about otherwise. Thank you for your honesty

escorts are not always prostitutes. Most of them are just fake paid dates. At most you had dignity and honesty by being a prostitute, so what if the clientele sucked, after a couple hours maximum, it was over or almost over as a prostitute. As an escort you might of had to spend weeks with some person in separate hotel rooms, with you footing some of the bill for your expenses, and it might of included stripping, the fun can only last for so long until the face gets old.

I feel like I'm in the same boat. But I fee like I can't leave until I've saved enough to support myself, after I give it up. Best of luck to you! I'm really happy for you! :)

I completely agree with you. I've also been in it for 2years and i've made and wasted more money than i have in my life before i started. Luckily i have not turned to drugs, thank God. But its a tough life i'm desperately trying to exit now. <br />
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Be safe and best of luck in your future.

Well, I hope you keep yourself safe and happy. You are worth it!

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I was an escort for the past 6 months and got out of it 2 weeks ago. Although I made a lot of money, I, like you, paid a price. <br />
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I would strongly advise against entering the biz to anyone thinking of doing it. It steals your soul, your relationships and your sense of self. I began hating myself, and if you don't already, it's the worst feeling in the world and almost uncontrollable.