I'm Not A Psychopath, I'm Something Way Better

You are a psychopath, actually. Specifically, you suffer from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), in addition a few other things-- psychopathy being the most obvious.



You're above-average intelligence, but not notably so.



You believe you are special and unique, though nothing about you is either.

You are a maniacal egocentric.

It has been couple of months from my first post now, and I have actually managed to diagnose myself very accurately. It's crystal clear, and I have lost some of my uniqueness, but I still remain as an exceptional individual.



I have an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder in conjunction with a narcissistic personality disorder. The OC is the underlying condition, but I have developed the NPD (very little empathy for humans) on the side as a result to my strong believes that humans as a race have no value.



I don't know if that is going to help anyone on this site, as even in my own disorder group, I'm an exception. My condition only imitates psychopathy, but stems from very different types of issues.

This is interesting, although I feel I am a bit late to post in here. I can actually relate to most of what you are both saying, which is something I usually cannot do.

I'm just a teenager, but I have been studying psychopathy and general psychology for a while, and I believe I have come to a fairly accurate conclusion that I am a psychopath or a developing psychopath. Do any of you have advice or stories of being a psychopathic teenager? Clearly, there is not much information on this topic online or in the bookstore,so any advice would be helpful.

I went through a relationship very similar to yours (she was also Psychopathic), and likewise, I lost in the end. I was a Operations Manager for a Forbes 500 company. She convinced me to leave my job, leave my friends, leave my family, and follow her to her hometown. When I think back on it, her manipulation was very well-done and very creative. Before I met her, I had no perception of "loneliness". I was the superior being in the world and everyone was a toy. She introduced the concept of "being lonely" to me by showing me that we were alike. She convinced me that we were the evolved form of man and that as long as we did not use our talents on each other, we would always prosper in happiness and wealth. It took her about 5 years to completely earn my trust, and when she did, kaboom.



Initially I was going to orchestrate a fantastic revenge. I had document and video proof of her family doing extremely illegal activity which would have resulted in her mother and father being sent to prison. In addition, it would have caused her and her siblings to be deported to South Korea. I ended up changing my mind because I felt as if she deserved an applause or reward for being the first to outfox me (for one round, I fully believe I could crush her if I wanted to). I still keep these articles in storage, along with sex tapes, in case I ever change my mind.



Similarly to you, I feel as if my standards are through the roof now. My last companion was a very wealthy and beautiful girl. However, I found her very annoying as I was used to being with an equal. It seems as if my preference has changed from beautiful women with wealth and status, to women who're psychopathic or have the traits of a psychopath.



How did your ex defeat you?

I have had a jealous spiral in my relationship. Once i became so jealous of a gay friend (male) she had who was very physical that i couldn't sleep. I get surges, i dealt with it rationally. I removed it then asked the guy to back off. It worked. Haven't really been jealous since. She passed the test; my last girlfriend was away on a trip for a month when she cheated on me. My new one went away for a trip of the same length and did not. So she has earnt a certain level of trust. I am so paranoid and suspcious of people usually that if i start to suspect her it will destroy our relationship. I want this relationship to continue so i do not permit suspcion or jealousy because they are a form of irrationality.



As to the hypothetical situation where she cheats on me, i now have established protocols. She will be immediately dumped, all contact will be severed. Revenge is dependant of the level of anger i feel. Obviously its stupid to kill a girlfriend who just cheated on you. You would be the prime suspect. So maybe wait a while then make them "disappear".



I think i could a politician because its a place where psychopathic behaviour is not only accepted but rewarded. I love to speak and would love to shape the country. I have some fairly extreme views that i'd keep hidden until i have solidified power.

And oh yea, about the music: I mostly listen to music "for the fun of it" and it is not "empowering" to me, just background noise. I know my psychopathic ex-lover is big on metal music and it is the only thing that makes him feel alive at times. I do sometimes look for lyrics I can relate to when I feel like shait. Whether or not you like this type of music, this song describes psychopathic love well:



Within temptation - what have you done.

must say after reading this much about you that you come out as a very logical, functioning person, despite of your "mood swings". You have strong natural urges, however you are very good at controlling them in a rather rational manner unlike the average psychopath. Yet you lack the weaknesses of the average human being (pointless guilt and remorse). Well done =D!



I do don't see sex as something majorly important either, I have gone years without it in the past. To me it's just something to do and use my energy on when I'm drunk. The same way you don't have sex with uninteresting people, I don't keep having sex with them unless if they are something unique (either unattainable, shy and insecure or intelligent and fascinating). Also I don't hold on to friendships if they aren't something absolutely great. People come and go and they sure are replaceable, I give them the minimal amount of attention to keep them interested just that I can benefit from them somehow at some point. But some people in my life are keepers. I have 2 friends who are very entertaining and are starting to put my sister (=used to be my fav person) in shame, she just isn't living up to my high expectations anymore. Of course my one true love was unlike anyone else, his complicated mind, full tolerance of my psychopathic mind (who ever doesn't at least partly accept it=rubbish to me), sarcastic sense of humor and fascinating conversationalist skills. It was magic. My standards for a companion are through the roof now so I doubt I will ever find anyone I'd like to keep around longer than couple of months (romance wise).



When I went to court I was studying veterinary science and working with animals. As I can't stay focused on one thing for too long, I went on a study break to do something else (now I work for an animal charity). Actually, my psychopathy doesn't help me with my career, it makes making money harder as I despise people I don't like around me. I have had loads of jobs and have lived in about 50 different towns and 2 different countries. I'm lazy in my job and leave before I get fired cause I could not care less about working for someone else, I just need the money for the minimal effort I put it (plus I steal when I can but never get caught). However, I put more effort in when working with animals so that is the only realistic career choice for me. I know I will eventually go back veterinary science, I just need to entertain my boredom prone brain with something else for change.



You think you could be a politician? I have fantasized about being one, I have to gain more confidence in my speech and get on with my primary dreams first, but if I live long enough politics is definitely something I want to get into. Among other things I would try to cut down the number of immigrants moving into this country, I hate other cultures. Western culture is the only one that even slightly makes sense.



One more question: are you very jealous of your girlfriend? How would you feel if she cheated on you now?

I guess sex for me is more about the person than the act. I completely understand the science behind sex and attraction, i guess the only way that its appealing is as the novel act of "romantic sex". As i said before my sex drive comes and goes, ************ fufills the biological requirement and thats mundane and boring. To some people sex is a nesscessity and they "can't live without it", thats not the case with me. I mean sure its fun and erotic and blah blah blah but its just sex. I guess i agree with you that its fairly mechanical and mundane. Its the emotional connection that can be forged but such a simple act that facsinates me. Thats another thing, i'd never sleep with anyone boring. I'm drawn to unique and facsinating individuals. Even my ex was interesting. So thats why my current partner is perfect, she is almost as changing and multi-facceted as me. Because she is always different i never get bored. I think that stuff about your orga*m is right, i'd have to research it. For me orga*ms are satisfying but not earth-moving. I don't know what its like for other guys but my orga*ms from sex are no different in feeling to my ones from ************.



I was a perfect child but as i grew older i changed more and more. I was christian when i was in primary school but by the begining of high school i realized it was fake. Its odd growing up i was always hesitant to break any rules but as soon as i broke them once i had no problem doing it again. Like you said a kind of imposed morality, each chain i broke wasn't fixed and i became more free. Sex wasn't really logical to me until i was about 15 and then it wasn't until i was 16 that my first gf (my ex) snapped me out of my own world. I previously mentioned embassment at having only had two sexual parnters. This was force of habit, sometimes the masks bleed down and its hard to separate them. Sounds like you did the right thing with those friends who stole from you. Its never wrong to be discerning about who you choose to be close to you. As for stealing i frequently steal from my parents but have never stolen from shops. I had a bit of a kleptomanic streak for a while where i took stuff from the places i worked. Stuff i didn't want or need, i got fired once for stealing a can of coke. I could have asked for it and got it for free but i took it. I really hated that job and i think my subconcious rebelled and wanted to punished the ***** of a boss. After that i toned it down. I used a job in a kitchen i had to set up a murder kit, a set of ultra-sharp disposable, untracable knives, gloves, facemasks etc. Quite useful really.



Emotional pain is kinda meh to me. I mean its useful and there are a couple of people i'd love to see emotionally destroyed but not physically. A week after my ex broke up with me her parents spilt up and i was laughing for weeks at the irony. Probably the best thing i did was set a situation where the person my ex cheated on me with hurt her quite deeply. Public humilation and it was my idea. It was at a party and they were both drunk and much easier to manipulate. She got hurt and he left town never to be heard from again. Very pleasing, alot better than they deserved. So many times i fantasized about their death, planned it, once i even got my equipment and sat in my car ready to go. Logic says that in that situaiton i would be the prime suspect and therefore i decided against it.



I don't want to be admired so much (would be nice though) but i do expect my orders and suggestions to be followed without question. It really irritates me when people question me. I'm fairly sure thats part of my pyschopathy but i just expect to be in charge and get angry when people try to change that. I developed a list of those of my friends who i can rely on to follow orders in an emergency situation. Those that can't have lets say a lower life expectancy. Whilst i enjoy the company of my friends most of time, they aren't irreplacable. I'm been in many situations where i've had to make friends from scratch so i'm not scared of losing friends. Recently quite a longterm friend was offended by my open and frequent critism of religion and decided that she wasn't going to speak to me. I just laughed, she was a high-maitience person who demanded a lot of sympathy so i was better off without her. We haven't spoken since and that was months ago.



Apart from random killings for pleasure i don't really want anyone dead. My mum is quite a critical and aggravating person. The kind who finds fault with everything and makes your life a living hell. The family house is in her name and i have often toyed with the idea of killing her for the house and money. I probably wouldn't again because of the suspcion. I plotted the demise of my ex and her lover many many times. But that was years ago and i've moved on now i don't really care. Don't get me wrong if she was in a position to die and all i had to do to save her was push a button i wouldn't push it. I'd laugh and watch her die. But as to actively killing her, it just would be alot of effort for someone i couldn't care less about.



I would have to say that i was about 14 when i started deveopling the traits, i didn't fully realize what i was until i was about 16. Its taken me until now to fully integrate all my conflicting elements of personality. They still grate sometimes. Sometimes i'll contradict myself in my own head. I'm an adocate of animal rights, not to the extent that you are. I see the vast majority of humanity as being unworthy of life. Therefore they are fair game. Fighting over-population and improving the gene-pool. I'm making the world a better place. I don't think the extinction of humanity would be a good thing simply for the fact that i'd be bored by myself and then i'd have no prey. My main reason for not harming animals is that there is no sport in it. Whats the point in killing a creature you can easily outsmart? Its much more rewarding to hunt tougher game.



When i'm drunk i just have a harder time keeping control over the different parts of myself. My urges would definately become much stronger if and when i make the first kill. Simply knowing i could do it would be enough to make me do it again. And again probably. I am impervious to all outside influence, even postive ones. Nothing anyone says really effects me. Its a blessing and curse.



Hmmmmmmmm i haven't really thought about cannibalism as seriously as just hunting. From what i'm told human tastes like pork and i dislike the taste of pork so i probably wouldn't enjoy eating it. The idea of ripping flesh with my teeth is oddly enough quite appealing. I was unaware of the sexual biting thing until my latest girlfriend. She is quite into biting and i now reciprocate. After a round or two we compare the bruises on our necks and shoulders. I once gave her one the size of a tenis ball on her neck, she gave me a perfect bruise imprint of her teeth on my chest. She drew blood once but disliked the taste so we toned it down a bit.





Does music help you imagine things, i have found some brilliant revenge tracks.

Also my i ask what your "noble profession" is? Does your pyschopathy help you in your career?

My books say that it does, i haven't found to be that helpful yet but then i'm just starting.

OH OH OH, I forgot to ask a really important question.



Do you have any cannibalistic desires? Mine are fairly strong, I seem to bite my sexual partners to the extent some of the scream in pain and wonder what is wrong with me. Some of them admire me more because I'm "kinky". Though that is as far as my kinkiness goes sex wise. I think that might be the point where I actually cross the line---if I'm drunk enough I might even bite off a chunk "accidentally".



It would make more sense to me to eat a human being than an animal (well, humans are animals too but the worst type). The world is overpopulated and we should start using people as a food source. People are the only animals destroying all the beauty in this world and being cruel to other animals. Hence people deserve to be killed and eaten. Not me of course, I'm on the animals' side =)

*****=org*sms in my previous post. Can't believe that they find that word offending

Interesting that you feel like sex is a very intimate experience. To me sex is only a mechanical act, though sometimes I get obsessed with beautiful people who are really good in bed and experience some sorta infatuation. But it always fades away when I realize how boring and conventional their personalities are in the end. I didn't even feel much when I had sex with the guy I loved, but I did thoroughly enjoy the physical closeness after sex. Bit of an off topic: I can't get any satisfaction of my *******, I read about it and it might have something to do with not producing enough oxytocin which is typical for people with ASPD's.



What were you like when you were growing up? I was a little "sh*t" till I was about 10-12, I stole what ever I wanted even of friends, I was a great liar, at times physically violent (I even bullied animals, but never hurt them too bad) and I was very deceitful. I also kept running away from home. My dad was a very good parent because of his job as a social worker and he knew what I was about to become. So somehow he managed to force some "decency" into me. For a while, around the years 11-15 I had very strict morals, even about pre-marital sex, I was a very upstanding teenager who didn't really rebel much (except for drinking alcohol but every kid in the town did it). I even cut out two of my best friends out of my life because they stole alcohol of my mum when they were looking after our pets during our holidays. I never spoke to them again, seems kinda harsh but I asked for 100% loyalty and saw friends like that as a liability. I let everyone know what low life people they were (funny though, I had stolen of them when I was younger).



My morals soon started to crack though. I accidentally took socks from a supermarket without paying for them and my friends noticed it. I acted shocked cause I had done something "wrong", but excused them for a minute to steal food from the close by supermarket using the same method just minutes later. After that I stole everything I needed pretty much, and only once got caught as I was very good at it. The same thing applies to everything else in my life. I have been pretty law-biting and decent, and have almost bragged about my integrity, but one by one my moral rules seem to drop off. As soon as I notice I can get away with something, I keep doing it without feeling any sort of remorse. The only thing keeping me in line is the fear of incarceration. I feel like my dad "suppressed" my psychopathy or what ever it is for years and now it is slowly starting to blossom. I used to think I would feel bad about letting down a friend, but then I slept with my friends boyfriend and didn't feel one bit bad about it. The moral rules I got left are keeping my promises (including being faithful in a monogamous relationship) and not scamming people close to me for the thrill of it.



You said you don't enjoy physically hurting other people. How about emotionally? Does it feel good to have power over other people and to control them? As I said, I enjoy controlling people and getting their admiration. Not being able to control and manipulate others makes me very frustrated and angry. I want everyone to be obedient and I throw a tantrum if I don't get what I want of them, or cut them out of my life good. I always come out looking good, the victim of lazy or dishonest friends.



I only want the guy I love dead, as he is not responding to my efforts to get him the way I want him. He has no right to play games with me. Other than that I have fleeting feelings of wanting certain people dead when they annoy me or are in the way. Other than that I just want to kill random people when I pass them on the street, I believe I would thoroughly enjoy it. Though I want my dad dead so I could get half of his health insurance. How about you, what sorta people do you want dead? Any of your family?



I have always thought I was different, I seem to always find alternative ways to do absolutely everything. I was raised without a religion so I openly made fun of other kids being forced to go to school's church trips etc. My passion for animals was a good enough explanation why I hated humans so I never thought it had anything to do with psychopathy. Yet, the animal activist and vegetarian groups I used to hang out with (to find like-minded people) had no interesting people in them and I was not very liked at all. I was the only extremist who wanted the who wanted the whole humankind destroyed, everyone else seemed to be concerned about their family and friends at least. To me that would be an easy sacrifice. I didn't suspect I had a psychopathic personality till couple of years back. How about you, when did you realize you were different?



I don't really have strong urges when I'm sober, I'd rather call them impulses (when I'm drunk, anything can happen). I don't think before I do or say something and seem to lack common sense. P*ssing off people for the thrill of is a conscious act but it would be a major effort for me to keep my mouth shut, the very reason my mask is what it is (=an honest as*hole). Killing and other violent urges are rather easy to control as I haven't really done any of that at adult age. I know for a fact that when I do end up killing someone and get away with it, the urges will grow stronger.



I ended up in court a while ago for a silly thing I did while being drunk. My partner in crime got a mighty fine and a conviction, all I got was a warning because they thought I was "such a decent girl in a noble profession and she got intro trouble because of the bad company she was in". Haha. The whole thing was my idea to begin with.



I noticed you used the word "embarrassed" when telling me you haven't had many sexual partners. The traditional psychopath would be very immune to outside influences, a.k.a wouldn't feel shame. I don't usually care what other people think of my personality and things I do, but signs of weakness (flaws in my appearance, getting tongue tied, stumbling, BO if I forget to wear deodorant to gym) is something that makes me very self conscious.



About the religion, as I mentioned I'm very much an atheist and enjoy making fun of gullible fools who let something like a religion hold them back from doing what they really wanna do in life.

One further question, are you an atheist, agnostic or person of faith?

Just curious



If you want to know more of my back story one of the stories i wrote was all about it.

So many of your comments above made me smile. You apparanty echo many of my sentiments. The paragraph about killing was so true, i heartly agree with the natural instict and intellectual excerise bit. I too haven't actually killed anyone yet but it seems inevitable that i will at some point in my life. I've simply put to much effort into planning and thinking it through to not.

I am currently studying Politics and International Relations at uni (college if you are american). Money-wise is fairly boring part-time work so unimportant. I've always been considered "weird" by my friends but a different kind of weird than you'd expect. I am more of a random, crazy kind of weird than the scary kind. Its a kind of interferance that i generate to mask my actual "vibe".



On thing that i seem to do better than anyone else is reading people, vibes, body language. Everything. I don't know how i just always have. It has become very useful in detecting threats and people like us. I met my current girlfriend, well the first time i met her was a party of my soon-to-be ex. Now how i look at women is a sort of check-list in my head to rate their compatiblity with me. It is a range of factors that contribute to a kind of reserve list. Now at this party i knew my previous relationship was coming to an end so this drive was fairly amped up. She scored fairly high on the scale but we lived a long way apart and i just wrote off the experience.



It wasn't until a year later that we met again, this time at my party. I had been told by a friend that she had a boyfriend so i just played the friend. However she made every excuse to be close to me that night, (staring contests, tickling etc). We ended up sleeping together, not in terms of sex but just sleeping in the same bed. I found out afterward that she had broken up with her boyfriend a week earlier. So i was kicking myself fairly hard and decided to send a "casual" thank you facebook message to her, when i logged in i found one waiting from her. We started a cyber relationship from then, we started properly going out a month later. It helped that i just started going to the same uni as her.



I have never used sex as a tool, nor do i see it as one. As you said its more for personal pleasure and for me its the most intimate experience. Therefore i don't really see "casual sex" as an option, i dunno i guess i'm scared that if i share that with someone i just want it to be someone i can trust. Apart from my current girlfriend there was only one before that, fairly embassing but meh i take time in choosing.



I am glad to hear you have a moral code, too many people claiming to be pyschos have no code. Thats just stupid and nihilistic. We may not have conventional morality but we still have it. Hmmm i guess loyalty is important to me, i'm fairly lax about most things as long as i have the loyalty of my friends and more importantly girlfriend. I said the not cheating thing because it is a rule i would never break, i would break most others given the right circumstances. Stealing, murder, torture, and yes i lie. I do it all the time when i have to. It is inevitble that when you take a life it affects those around the person, i am actually bored by emotional displays. Thats my reaction to the news, charity and stories trying to curry sympathy. I don't have any and its annoying when people try to elict it.



I too have trouble mantaining my masks when drunk, i become very unstable. I shout, laugh, cry, hit things and cry again when drunk. I also have a greater time controling my random killing impulses.



I have to go a party right now but i'll finish this when i get back



More questions: Do you have anyone you want dead? When did you realize you were different? How do you control the random urges?

First and foremost, I use sex to gain personal pleasure (when drunk, I've yet to ask for sex while being sober). I don't really want to use sex as a payment for things like free rent, jewelery etc. I'm actually quite proud to provide for myself and don't need men or sex to get what I want (other than sex). But I do enjoy men getting attached to me after sex. I tend to have sex with men only once (unless if they are magical in bed) and then enjoy the attention when they try have sex with me again. Sometimes not putting out will get me in that same situation though. It's amusing how some guys keep chasing me year after year even if I picked up other guys when they were there but I never slept with them.



I find your thoughts about killing absolutely delightful. I too don't see the point in causing pain to others for no reason, I think that would be a sign of a very sick and dysfunctional (=irrational) mind. However, wanting to kill others is a very natural thing, others pose a threat to us. It's our biological need to destroy strangers outside our own pack who can't please our reproductive needs. Also, for me there is a more intellectual side to it - the world is overpopulated and I see it is my right to control the population as I don't have this irrational feeling of guilt holding me back.



However, I must say I do cause some collateral damage occasionally when I reach for the things I want. Killing someone (which I haven't done yet but I undoubtedly will someday) would obviously cause pain to family members. I find that unfortunate but necessary. I also enjoy playing games with men as I mentioned, and I feed out of their admiration. That will obviously cause them some emotional pain, which is once again unfortunate and not the reason I play the mind games. I also hurt my roommate/friend/f*ckbuddy who was in love with me by sleeping with 3 of his friends. Unfortunate, but his friends just happened to be my type and I wanted to get laid. He hated me for it but all of his friends saw me as an honest and fair person who wasn't doing anything wrong (lol, of course. after all - they got lucky).



Nevertheless, I would torture someone who causes me pain. Once again, wanting revenge is a very natural feeling. I always want to get even and the feeling won't let go till I retaliate. Not very rational but then again I know that the feeling of satisfaction is worth going through with it. You are right, stabbing would be more efficient than cutting. I haven't really thought about it yet, as I'm not planning on killing anyone until I have a reason to believe I can get away with it. At the moment it's just an urge that I can rather easily control.



You are right about the companionship, it would be good if I could lower the mask for once. I think it is excellent you can help each other wear the mask around outsiders, that is what seems logical. I hold on to that friend of mine a bit too much considering he is the first man I've met who is anything like me. Too bad he said he doesn't want a relationship because he wants to blend in and be normal and that people who are alike shouldn't be together. Which is utter bullsh*t. I think what I did wrong with him was acting like myself around his friends as I thought his friends would be like him=me. He was in a shock cause of my behavior, which I admit, was foolish of me. As I mentioned under that other story, I have issues with wearing a proper mask especially when I'm drunk.



Lets continue with the questions: What do you do for living and have people around you noticed anything weird about you? How did you find your current girlfriend? Did you use sex to get anything and what sorta people did you usually sleep with before your girlfriend? Do you have any other strict morals other than not wanting to cheat on your girlfriend? I have one thing I hold on to, always: If I promise something, I always keep that promise. Even if I make that promise to a stranger. I guess I feel like if I'm unreliable, that might eventually hurt my reputation, which at the moment is very spotless. Also, I don't think much of of people who don't keep their promises to me. Be mean and insulting and even abusive, but broken promises is something I can't tolerate.

We have been descibed as a cute couple before, not really sure what that means. But we have also been described as "very soulmatey". We don't share our darker impulses with many people. I guess i would classifiy us as the highest state of a non-marriage relationship. As i said we work very well together. But its a joint persona we project to the world, we both have things we'd rather not show the world and so we cover each others weak spots. As to her libido, i'm not sure about drinking, she doesn't really drink so i don't know It comes and goes, when its there its really amped up beyond normal levels and others times its non-existant.



As to your comment about guys, lols. I agree fully although i've seen similar behavior in women. Its another of my paradoxes, sometimes ill be quite into the sexual vibe and other times the whole idea just disgusts me. I guess that mirrors my feelings about humans too. Sometimes i'm proud to call myself human other times i am anything but.



Knives aren't everyones thing but yes its more the act of using them that facinates me. I too think about killing randoms on the street, although i prefer stabbing the neck that cutting it. Cleaner and less noticable. I have spent many hours dreaming up tortures for those on my to die list. Not that i'm really a fan of torture or have any particular desire to inflict pain, death yes, pain meh. My favourite idea is slowly lowering someone feet first into a barrel of acid.



I probably am quite complicated, many contradictory sides and conflicting impulses. If you are straightforward and rational thats good. It helps people to think thats all there is. If you develop a hidden second level (you probably already have one) then people won't suspect you. People always go off first impressions and if they don't think that you are likely to lie or decieve them then you can manipulate them all together more easily.



To me you don't sound pyschopathic in the traditional sense, which is a good thing because i'm not either. Whilst i'm too messed up and contradictory to be normal i think that you can appear normal and blend even easier than me if you try. By showing that you are capable of loving, you are already better than most of the usual crowd out there. I hope you do find someone similar to yourself so you can relax and let your mask down. It took me three years of searching after my previous relationship but people like us to exist.



Another question, Do you see sex as a tool to gain influence and things or a cemeting of emotional bonds?



PS I accidently disliked your above comment, sorry. I favourited your orginal story to compensate.

Hmm I find your post very fascinating. Especially with you having a functional relationship I seem to desire. How do other people see you as a couple? How do you decide who to kill? Is her libido stronger when drinking alcohol? I only get horny when I get drunk. Other than that I have hardly any interest in sex which is why I find it entertaining controlling men with strong sexual urges. It is so pathetic how guys turn into mindless beasts when they try get laid =D



I don't think I have ever been fascinated with knives, though I do use knives in my jobs and studies (vet science, have worked in abattoirs etc). I do constantly think of cutting the throats of people I see on the street but I donno if I'm actually one bit fascinated with the knives themselves.



Your persona seems massively complicated. Would not say that about me, I'm fairly straight forward and rational. Never moody, only get angry when there is a clear reason. Even my periods don't affect me one bit. Selfish and will do what ever it takes to get what I want. I don't have blood lust besides wanting my enemies dead and randomly thinking of killing someone when facing them, but without it being a strong urge.

Hello poofteress



You do sound like an interesting case, a particular niche i find fascinating because i too am unique.

I have the characteristics of many personailty disorders but not completely any of them.

I first and formost have pyschopathic tendencies, i have not felt remorse or guilt since i was very young, i would not hesitate in taking a human life and feel an inate demand for respect and authority.

However i feel a truncated version of emotion, mainly periods of extreme anger or depression.

These in of themselves are odd, usually i feel nothing but then suddenly for no reason i will feel extremely angry or depressed for about 3 hours then just as suddenly it will stop. I've read that is part of multiple personality disorder, this would go along with the fact that my personality is divided into several "faccects" (the military one, the scientific one, the killer, the romancer) Each is not a complete personality but a dimesion of my personality that is separate and individual.



I have been badly hurt in a previous relationship because i let myself get to close to a weaker sociopath. Make no mistake sociopaths are different to pyschos for example they are usually the ones that cheat, steal and make a bad name for us. The personailty faccet that i used for that relationship was too badly damaged so i simply discarded it and was fine. Recently i have entered into a new relationship with an intriging girl who was damaged mentally. Not like disabled but just an interesting psychological makeup. She had almost no libido, she shared my interests in knives and fire and would help me to kill. We make a great pair, others would consider us odd and dangerous but it works.



I enjoy the manipulation of others, it is far too easy to fool people and get them to do your bidding. I have a system for categorizing everybody in the world. Those i wouldn't kill, those i want to kill and colateral (people i don't want dead but wouldn't care about killing). Most people fit into the third including people i haven't met. I have often thought about killing people and have a system perfectly devised to kill without a trace of evidence. My best friend is also a pyschopath and we spend many hours plotting.



As you can probably tell i am very well socialized and blended into society. I owe this to my masks of persona that i use to hide my true self. I also play a double-bluff. The old saying is that "the loud crazy ones are fine, its the quiet ones you have to worry about". I am quiet on the inside and loud on the outside, and extroverted introvert as it were. There aren't many "morals" i won't cross because i believe the whole contruct is stupid however i would never cheat on my parnter, ever. Even with a gun to my head. I don't know why its just who i am.



So anyway i'm kinda rambling here, if you have any specific questions of me please feel free to ask. With the mask of anonymity the internet provides i shall answer any question.

One question for you: Do you like knives? If so do you have any interesting ones?



PS. I find animal cruelty abhorant, not because of setiment but because its pointless.



Mr Time