I Am

hi. i am a 14 year old girl that goes to a public high school in CA. all my life since pree school, i have been a pushover and a crybaby. i have never learned or been  able to stick up for myself. girls and boys of all ages have picked on me and teased me and put me down and given me a hard time. i am a nice person but people somehow take advantage of that. in preeschool, there was this one bratty girl who would always glare at me and pinch me. i have never ever once talked to her and she would always pinch me. i would have to sit next to her and when she started pinching me, i wouldn't say  anything to her. i was too quiet. it didn't hurt, but i still didn't want her touching me. also, kids would also take things from me and i would start crying. i couldn't talk, i would just cry and the teachers didn't have a clue why. i hated pree school. i had maybe 2 or 3 friends and that's it. at that age, i really didn't care if i had friends or not. in kindergarden, when we would play house, all the kids would make me be the dog. i hated it. and even though i was a kid myself, i thought i was way more mature than them and thought every single one of them were brats. one time i got in trouble for something i didn't mean to do. this girl named( mary ) chased me around the class pretending to be a monster and i started running away from her. but the teacher somehow only saw ME running and not mary and she put me in time out. i had never been in time out before and at that time i thought time out was like jail. so i threw a tantrum. a crying tantrum. i sat in time out and screamed and cried while all the other kids were walking out of the classroom to recess calmly just staring at me. when i look back at that horrible memory even today, i find it really humiliating. in 1st grade, i would hang out with a bunch of other kids that were ehhh okay to me i guess. i had one best friend. i forgot her name along time ago though and she was always there for me and i was always there for her. well that changed in 2nd grade. she had found a new best friend and never wanted to talk to me again. i have never done anything bad to her. so i hung out with some other people. there was this girl in my 2nd grade class named (tamara) and she was a trouble maker. we never really talked. one day, i had bought a small bag of chips to school and put it on the snack table. that's where all the other kids put their food. BIG MISTAKE. i felt proud for some reason that i put something on the snack table. don't ask but it just felt good. well anyways, i had just sat down in my seat when i saw tamara grab my chips thinking i didnt notice with a big grin on her face and start heading out the door to put in her backpack outside. all i thought was oh HELL no. instead of just sitting there crying like a little baby, i was going to do something about it. she hadent put a foot out the door when i snatched the bag out of her hands and ripped her homework by accident. i didn't really care. i was just glad i got my chips back:) i felt accomplished. but it didn't stop there. tamara said "you better fix my homework, you better fix it, fix it!" so not to get in trouble, i agreed happily and taped her homework back together, gave it back to her and sat down. THIS TIME i kept my chips in my backpack and told myself never again was i going to put anything of mine on the snack table. 3rd grade, that was when carissa moved in.she was a new student from mexico. when she walked into our clasroom, she was wearing a uniform and two pigtails. i thought she was cute. so when break came, i decided to go up to her and talk to her. we became best friends. then we met sam. we were like 3 peas in a pod. until 4th grade. carissa and sam started hanging out with the popular crowd. we lost our friendship so i hung out other girls. all throughout 4th and 5th grade, carissa, sam and the popular crowd began making my life miserable. they would bully me, boss me around and embarrass me. i began hating school. hating it with a rage. even the boys were mean to me. in 6th grade, i thought it was my chance to lose weight and make a big difference and become popular. that never happened. i hung out with a group oif girls that i thought were my best friends. turns out they really didn't like me. so i started hangin out with this girl in my class, justine. i thought justine was a good friend but then the arguments would come between us and we wouldn't speak to eachother for months. she would get mad at me for the stupidest reasons. during 6th grade girls would still put me through hell. there was this one girl named mayra that invited me to a party and i went. i had the best time except i sprained my elbow after falling down. i thought i was so cool becasue i as hanging out with the popular crowd at the party. no adults. during the party i kinda didnt like how they were acting and i felt uncomfortable. i left the party crying. the next day at school, my friend told me that mayra had said i crashed the party. wow that made me feel like holy dirt. in seventh grade, i was constantly teased, bullied, and pushed around by mayra and other mean heartless girls in my classes. i went into depression big time. that year had to be one of the worst years out of my whole school reputation. i was lost and didn't know who to tell or what to do. in 8th grade, i was made fun of and bossed around by a group of girls who i thought were my friends.i was alone. confused, lost. i had no one. ive never had any friends EVER that have treaten me civil, like a human being. and this year its the same. my friends treat me like dirt and judge me. i get bossed around, made fun of, looked down upon and picked on. please, please help me. i just don't know what to do anymore. today this girl embarrassed me in front of the whole school cause she pushed me and wanted to start a fight but she was kidding. i didn't like it. plus, this one girl sent me horrible text messages. HELP

desiree151773 desiree151773
13-15, F
Feb 9, 2010