It Started With The Magnifying Glass...

I've always liked fire. I remember standing next to the bonfire on new years eve, admiring it for hours and paying no attention to anything else, its elegant flames licking at the wood with true beauty, yet so destructive and chaotic. I just fell in love. But i never made fires... until one day, i saw a sheet of plastic magnifying material in a science book. The book told me i could could a piece of sausage with it, because the bright spot was very hot where the light was magnified. But i didn't pay so much attention to the warning: NEVER look directly at the bright spot. I set a leaf on fire. I set a paper towel on fire. I set a piece of wood on fire. It escalated, and escalated, until soon i was putting ants and flies and tying them in tissues which i set on fire. It was so cruel, so horrible, but karma bit back. That warning that i didn't read was the end of me. My eyes got worse and worse, i got stronger and stronger glasses, until i realized i had to stop. i stopped, it was fine. But then my love of fire returned, stronger than ever. I promised myself i would not use the magnifying glass again, but i started with a small candle in the garden. Then i made the flame bigger. I found ways to make it massive. I sprayed water over small tea lights so that the flames grew to a meter tall. It was magnificent. Beautiful. Destructive. My mother got scared, so she bought me a 'fire bucket' but DAMN, i DEMOLISHED it. I put five tea lights in, my style. The flames grew so high and so ferocious that the paint burnt off and the metal turned black and brittle. That was the end of my fire career, my mother wouldn't let me do anything else. But i fought with myself not to touch the magnifying glass or to light the candle, light the match. It got harder and harder to resist, until i started doing it again when no one was looking. Burning the carpet, burning the wood on my bed, my school books, anything. I still do i now, but today i just couldn't stop myself. I took a ***** of magnesium and set fire to it, there was sooo much smoke. I have to stop but i don't know how! HELP!!!
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 13, 2013