Reminding Myself That People Ultimately Don't Give A Crap

Today was a bad day.  A very bad day. I was served with a lawsuit for an amount double what I had originally owed.  They tacked on tons of late fees and charges that doubled the amount, then hit me with a lawsuit. 

This whole situation ties in with my Depression and PTSD & is a lengthy story, but to be brief for now, it was a balance due on a extremely expensive vendor booth I had 2 years ago. I did not make one single dime from having the booth.  instead, I emptied out my savings account to pay what I could and try to pay the rest latter.

Problem is our lives have been a complete wrech for the past 7 years.  Of course it doesn't matter.  it never matters because everyone is going through it and unless you have the absolutele worst case senerio anyone has ever heard of, you're irrelevant and just making excuses.

The knock came to the door.  My sons answers and tells me someone wants to see me.  I came to the door and lo and behold I was served with the lawsuit paperwork.  I have 20 days to answer.

And as typical for me, at the exact same time I was being served with the lawsuit, my oldest son comes home from working out of town for a few weeks.  I'm devistated and can forsee the visit will now be less than joyous.

I got in my car and headed over to the place that served me with the lawsuit.  Of course they left early.  I sat in my car and cried.  Then 2 of the employees pulled up.  I was extremely upset because I attemped to communicate with them just last week! The lady I talked to was aware of the email I sent.  In her judgment, I was only making excuses.  I told her I completely forgot about it - I had been severely depressed and was trying to take care of my kids who have special needs/disabilities. 

I sobbed and pleaded for compassion.  Did it matter?  Well of course not! I'm a freaking money tree remember??!

I was so upset that I left and said: "This makes me not want to live anymore. It's just not worth it."   Now what would a human with compassion think or do upon hearing that? 

What response did I get?  Absolutely nothing.  Now why would that be? Becuase I'm not a real person to them - I am apparently withholding money from them  when all along I had a money tree in my back yard. 

Well, that's the short version of the story.  Does the whole story of injustice matter?  NO.  Because I'm a worthless, dishonest person trying to rip people off in order to take care of my family.  I've got to remember that when I start thinking I have some value.  No matter what struggles I'm going through, ultimately I'm not a human and if I am, I surely don't have feelings.  The reality is that nobody gives a crap.  Because in the business world, I'm not a real person.  And that's the sad truth.
wordsforliving wordsforliving
46-50, F
5 Responses Aug 13, 2010

I hope things have gotten better for i see this story is a few months old. Sadly, it is true that most people don't give a crap, much less have a conscience these days. Collections agencies are unscrupulous and i don't know how anyone who can work at these places can sleep at night...but i always believe that karma will kick in one day....

hang in there, you are a good person and keep trying to dig yourself out of this. You will find your path it may take time but you will. Take small steps and it is a start.

i'm sorry. my heart goes out to you.

Unfortunately I can relate to some degree. Years ago, when I was first diagnosed with what would be just the beginning of the laundry list of ailments and diseases that have evolved into multiple disabilities, I thought I would be going back to work, the doctor said so. After three months of paying for medical expenses with our credit cards, living on one paycheck, the doctor informed me I would not be able to return to work. <br />
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We got behind on doctor bills, got evicted, things started adding up. Creditors were calling and harassing daily. I tried to explain to them what happened, but they didn't want to hear it, they told me 'everyone has a sob story'. I told them my husband was working two jobs, I was pushing myself and working part time though I had not been released to go back to work. They actually told me "then you should get another job, your husband should get a better job, do something to pay your bills." <br />
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When things got so bad we thought there was no way out, the threats and creditors were calling or writing several times a week, we decided to file for bankruptcy. Before doing so, I called the credit card companies, the hospital, and again tried to explain what had happened, they told me they didn't care. I tried to negotiate a settlement with them for a percentage of the total bill, but they refused, told me I was 'faking' to get out of paying. <br />
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We did finally file bankruptcy. I was going through so much, emotionally, adjusting to being newly disabled, depression, PTSD, chronic migraine headaches, pinched nerves, etc. All I wanted was for someone to listen, to understand that we had always payed our debts, we weren't chronically late, we didn't just disregard the calls and letters reminding us, we tried to communicate, to make payments, etc. but it just wasn't possible. They simply didn't care. They had "heard it all before". <br />
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how the late fees and penalties can add up. You are an 'account number', not a person. The people who make the calls, who file the lawsuits, etc. have no heart. <br />
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Hang in there... I've learned over the years, that things have a way of working out. Things always balance out in the end. I'm here if you want to talk, anytime... <br />
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((((Hugs)))) oxox

So sorry to read your story. I've just joined this site.<br />
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By and large, people don't give a crap. People can be heartless and uncaring and negative, but you can't let these people win!<br />
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It's important that you keep giving, no matter how much people keep taking. I don't mean money. Money is only important in so far as having a roof over your head and food to eat.<br />
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If it seems that there aren't any good people left, then there's only one thing to do, and that's to become the person you wish everybody else would be. Be kind, giving, and know in yourself that you are doing what's right. Others will follow.<br />
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Keep your chin up and be strong! I'm going through some tough times, my business has been taken away by an unscrupulous franchisor, and my baby dog Scrappy has been killed by a car.<br />
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It's important to step back, take a few deep breaths, and think. You can't change other people. You can't change the world. You can only change yourself and hope that others will follow.<br />
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If you are a good person then that's all that matters. If it means anything, there are a lot of people like me in the world who respect your morals infinitely more than your money.<br />
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All the best.