I Would Never Wish Someone Dead.

When I was 2 yrs old my mother fell for an older man with a harley. We moved from the south to the north. My half sister was born when the year I turn 4. The 4 of us moved south again. He was abusive to me and my mom. He was a drunk on SSI. He hit on us and cuss us out on a regluar. My sister never got spanked when he was around. She always got what she wanted and got away with alot or blame me. I always thought this was a normal family. I thought he was my father. I was at my grandmothers when they got into a big fight. He beat on her, slamed her legs in the door then pulled a gun on her and threaten to shoot her. Luckly a family friend stop him and the gun wasnt loaded. I was told a week after that he wasnt my farther and mine had died when I was 2. Yea I guess you can say my world fliped upside down. After the devorce he always treaed me as if I wasnt there or an incovence. My sister would go spend summers at his house and when she got back she alittle bit more out of control. Starting at 13 she been on drugs, drank behind Moms back, having sex with any guy who can buy his way in her life, got arrested several times. I will admit I wasnt a pefect angel. I was a typical teenager. She always treated Mom poorly and disrepected her, she had attack mom a couple of times. When her father passed away she was 15yrs old things got worst. She has 2 kids she is not aloud to see. She would go off at a drop of a hat if you disagree with her about anything. She had lied so much she beileve her own lies. She even had someone to beat up her husban #2. We learn to let her talk if we wanted a quite family gathering. I went to see my Mom the other day and told me she no longer her daughter. I asked her what happend. On a popular web site my sister posted for everone to see she wrote she wish it was mom who died instead of her dad. That broke my heart. How can someone say such a thing to someone who did so much?
DarkAngel74 DarkAngel74
36-40, F
8 Responses May 13, 2012

This post is strong revelation about your dream the child most likely your sister and the man the abuser in this story. I await the details I asked for but let me share a dream of mines to put things in perspective. I had a dream where I was driving. Two vehicles at the same time 1 being a large trailer and the other a small run down car. I would let 1 coast run to the other steer coast back and forth. Then on a hill the truck got a mind of its own and rammed the bucket car. I tried running after it but it rolled too fast down hill into other bucket cars at the bottom and there was 1 huge pile up with crashed cars everywhere at the bottom of the hill. So I was forced to just move on with the just the truck which ofcourse made things easier. Your mode of transportation either your legs or whatever your driving or being driven in represent your faith. What you believe in what takes you from point a to b in your lifes journey again is faith. The time I had this dream I was at a crossroad where I had to choose how to proceed with my life being a believer in Christ most of my life doing the best I can to follow and coming to a point where I was not strong enough to do it anymore. I had just lost the only true loving relationship I ever had my entire life. I applied all the Biblical knowledge I spent many years learning understanding believing in this very precious relationship I needed so bad never being loved. I prayed for it all my life and received exactly what I prayed for down to the person who I choose because of her belief. I did the best I could which most would say was a good job. I struggled with pronography most of my life and continued to struggle in this relationship I kept my struggle a secret for fear of losing the relationship. Never having love then finding it was the sweetest joy and one of the last convo I had with this person was me professing my need for her. Not long after that we broke up for no real reason I could understand. I was devastated on two fronts losing someone I loved so much and my faith was shaken because I trusted God to keep that relationship I did my best to follow him and failed. I knew I failed him because it's impossible for him to fail me. I fell in the darkest depression you can imagine. Almost a year of crying non stop day and night. I couldn't sleep would doze for a little while but would be awakened by suffering who would just remind me of itself. It became a tangible living breathing presence that was a constant companion. It dominated my existence demanding all of me stealing all joy all pleasure from anything I once found refuge in. Didn't eat lost like 60 pounds in a very short time eating and just the basics of life existing itself was just a heavy burden too much to bare. I threw myself on my faith but found no answer God was silent. I knew too much to not believe and too much to charge God with wrong doing because he is perfect. I knew this was my failure and mine alone. Not being able to cope not receiving relief from man or God I trusted in death. I diligently researched the best method of suicide. Still having a little hope in God a could not bring myself to this not wanting to seal my faith to hell with such an act. I instead trusted in a natural disaster an act of God seeing all the storms brewing around the world and my failing health due to my deep depression and lack of sleep and food to kill me. I was hoping for death to end my suffering. Death would not come quickly enough and I wad too fearful to commit. Because of my belief I was an isolated person aside from my depression. No friends no family and I rejected most forms of entertainment TV and games and music because they were blatantly satanic. This point of view didn't leave me any options for friendships specially with my age group. They just didn't see the world the way I did and even other believers I could not commune with because I was soon deep in the culture and spent so much time searching for the truth and meaning behind all we are exposed to on a day to day basis. The truth about this life when found gave me a unique perspective from other believers in that the Bible became literal. When you get to the root of everything its all satanic at its core which is what the Bible said and many claim to believe but they have no idea how satanic. Everything is infused with spirit force and this being his domain it all had is imprint. No one could see this I was alone in the understanding I thrived for rejected by God and my 1 true love. Nowhere to turn I decided to cast off my understanding and become normal. Stop constantly thinking about God and the deeper meaning of everything around me and just live unaware as men do. I tried u picked up some bad habits but failed miserably. I had been spoiled I had learned the language and couldn't unlearn it eyes had been opened and couldn't close them. I couldn't pretend I wasn't following Satan by not following God seeing the blatant Satanism in the things of this world. I decided to try God again because I had no choice I found no pleasure in Satan. So I recommitted myself to God fasted prayed put away my new found habits and my old one. All things I've done before but the difference was for the first time in my walk of faith I did not have a demand for God. I tried everything I could try did all I could do with my own wisdom. Now I just wanted his. I had seen the evidence of Satan in everything everywhere but only caught glimpses of God. He was far more illusive but at that point where my big faith the truck the largest vehicle on the road on its own accord being driven by the spirit of God himself by my prompting in seeking nothing but his direction. Smashed my little faith knocking it out of commission joining the pileup of believers stagnant at a standstill not going anywhere with there old small faith. I drove my truck to its destination here now. My life is one big here and now because I'm always where I'm supposed to be. Its a supernatural life that always has you at the right place at the right time working on gods behalf to draw people closer to him. So he can clothed and feed them not just physically but spirituality. There is no greater gift no greater joy than snatching souls from Satan. This is the great work and I never knew love "like this before. With all that I lost in my life I've gained the greatest thing life has to offer. I have God himself living inside me. He is not seen in the world as Satan is he is on the inside of people doing far greater things than the eyes can perceive. So back to the dream the truck had taken me to a flooded area that had a sad dreary dark miserable dangerous atmosphere. And I for a short while was dwelling with the inhabitants. Trying to help them convince them of better things. One person in particular my mother was engaging in a most disturbing act. My handicapped sister in the dream who was wheelchair bound was being attacked by my mom. I observed this but could not interfere. I went back and forth in the environment seeking those I may help all refusing my help. Finally as I caught a last glimpse at the one sided fight between mother and daughter. My sister was in pieces ripped limb from limb and my mother was still attacking the corpse. This sad scene reflects the fact that my faith had not taken me to some Paradise it took me right in the midst of suffering and pain and confusion and darkness. It brought me there to help which is far greater than helping myself. But the saddest thing is no one wanted help. I could not intercede because no one wanted it. Men do not seek God they like Satan want there own way the way they want it when they want it even unto death. They are suicidal they ride till the wheels fall off till the house Burns and them in it. My mother will pay a higher price because she knows better. The wheelchair my sisters paraplegics state not being able to move represent her complete lack of faith. And my mom instead of helping used her mobility to destroy mercilessly. This was the hardest thing to witness but necessary to understand. Those who misuse the word of God to bring harm which was what was is happening in real life face the worse judgment. She is a gossip who knows the word of God but has no heart to do it. Instead she misuse it to bring false witness and manipulate. This is the highest crime. The later book of the Bible is called revelation and that's the time we are in. God is revealing to his people all truth no matter how harsh. The end of the dream is me visiting all the people and places I had dwelt trying to help and they were all dead. I was the only one left with a Buch of graves all around. In my despair I reflected on my parked truck planning to drive to a place of refuge from the sad surroundings. As I was leaving I saw a pleasant looking woman she was my mothers doctor. She saw how sad I was and offered to pray for me. She had me stand in the middle of filthy water and prayed and out of the water came a frog. I quickly jumped out and left her behind. This represent the spirit that sustains my mother her healing spirit her witch doctor. In real life it manifest as a victimized spirit it blames everyone and everything for its problems. It takes no responsibility has no forgiveness and manifest frogs which is vileness uncleanness. Its stagnant reproachable and destructive to everyone including itself. As I left her and was alone amongst the graves a man appeared. This man had been observing all that had taken place and was the father of us all. He then lead me from the flooded area which the flood represent demonic forces BTW. He lead me to a beautiful oasis his home carved out of the very ground itself with clean water and greenery. There were strangers already there hanging around mostly older people. And that's the dream. God want men men do not want God and they will perish in their own way. God will not force himself on you unless you want him to. You can't change yourself you can't make yourself a better person you can only want to. Your will will follow your want and that's enough. If you truly want good when presented with the opportunity you will do just that regardless the cost to you. Even if your sister is reaching out to you you cannot be of help if you are lost and in darkness. You can only hurt from such a place. Men's heart your sisters heart hurt your heart hurt requires medicine. The only one that can see the heart of men is God and those he gives his vision to which is all who seek him. You are both desperately sick and in need of the word of God. That is the medicine and you have powerful forces trying to stop you. Don't let them anymore, they have brought you or anyone you know no good. Just deceit and fleeting pleasure and emptiness. Refuse them and watch them flee accept God and be made into what you were fashioned to be. A queen of the highest order

well u cant do anything about ur sister just if u meet her dont b mean or anything and just behave nicely with her its the best u can do

I aiways do no matter how bad she treats us.

she might have just did that@ my mother took it very hard

Among wolves family ties can spread thin or close completely, aggression is settled quickly an easily never returned to again after a fight.

She is still my sister.

Wow that's reall sad luk if ur sister did that then u shouldn't care about her anymore she sounds lik a psycho and ppl lik that r best left alone one day shell learn her lesson

Our mother did her best as a single mom of 2 girls. She wasnt perfect but who is. I respect her for her effert.

This is so sad... I am soo sorry for what has happened during your life :( that is truly heartbreaking.