How To Be A Werewolf (Real Spell)

Try this spell, it really works! THIS will make you get your wish and you will become the ultimate werewolf/vampire hybrid.

You will need:
Battery acid,
repressed memories of past molestation by a close family member,
feline urine,
baby blood,
a candle
some matches
some bowls
some balls
and some glow in the dark stickers

Step one:
Fill the bowls full of the baby blood and the cat pee. Place these in the fridge for about 30 minutes. Enjoy a fun little ball game while you wait. Once the pee is chilled and the bood also, set the glow in the dark stickers in a circle on your floor. Remember to stick them to the floor. Place the candle in the middle and the two bowls of fluid next to it on opposite sides. Place the battery acid in a safe spot inside the circle.

Step Two: with the crayon, draw big squiggles all over the walls. It will help if you have a permanent marker around as this will be your barrier against any evil spirits.

Step Three: Sit in the circle behind the candle, light it with the matches. It would help if you could let off some sort of gas, preferably anal gas, a queef will do too, this will help you to manifest your will in the astral plane.

Step Four: Pick up the soap, place it in your left hand and bring up the repressed memories.
Begin chanting "No, don't touch me, no, (family member) please don't touch me, don't touch me there!" Chant this louder and louder as you rub the inside of your mouth with the soap.

You will come to a climax in your chant, it is here that you will pick up the cat pee, and the baby blood and drink it, keeping a good mouthful of both. Then proceed to spray it all around your bedroom and scream.

Step Five: Douse yourself with the battery acid and end your chant by screaming "I DON'T WANT ANY MORE DIDDLING!"

The battery acid will be a nice distraction from the pain of turning into a werewolf/vampire hybrid.

You are now a werepyre. Enjoy.
Chamberlane Chamberlane
70+, M
20 Responses Sep 8, 2013

This all sound wrong and weird and spells are fake You watch werewolf movies???

Lol this sound like a whole lotta bullshit

Satire at its finest. Brilliant piece.

this is sick and very incorrect and the correct term for a Vampire Werewolf mix is a "hybrid "and to become a "hybrid" you must first be BORN a werewolf then the vampire is mixed in after that and there is no spell to turn you into a werewolf or vampire you must be born a werewolf and turned by anther vampire in case you just want to be one and not a hybrid lol ( I know this because I am a hybrid/witch)

Hybirds ain't real tho

PLZ PLZ do a spell that will turn me into a wolfpire and one that's not gross.

I have no idea what you mean by "wolfpire" but there is no spell that can turn you into a werewolf. As you can see, the author of this post was being sarcastic.

No spells

There are no spells that turn you into a hybrid there are spells to turn you into one of them but not both you need to be born one I am a hybrid and I know you can only be born one

Yes there is

Well I was born a psychic but for some reason I was more powerful then any other psychic and on a full moon I had enough power to make myself a vampire and a werewolf

Lol right

This may be the most beautiful post I've ever read

I aim to please.

It was an emotional roller coaster... I laughed, I cried, I licked my computer screen... Simply beautiful. Not to mention, I mean... Look at the spell you posted! MASTER OF MAGIC! I was gonna try it... but then I remembered I'm already a pandapire... So no need

Oh true. No need to be a werepandapyre.
y because you're edgy.

Yup. Edgy... That's me. Screw werepyres... They're old newes. Pandapires is where it's at

1 More Response

It didn't work fully, I turned green and furry and now have an extreme urge to live in a trash can and be grouchy all the time :( maybe its cause I'm a Virgin and was using memories of my past attempts of my life instead of being raped which I never have been, especially by family? .(

Oh, well, maybe you should get molested first.

You forgot something, pour the acid on you then put wherever the acid is, fewer ably your penis, into the candle fire :P

I cant breathe omg we need people like you


only you could be this creative lol

I have been told this xD

9/10 stars lol

this is adorable.... A really funny story lol... I wouldve never thought of it..

you tried it?? Really???

it didn't work...

CHAMBERLANE U LIE DIS NOT EVEN WRK.....I tk my lil baby and ws like gimme sum blood den I get some blodd....then aftr I ws done I went to hospital cauze my face hurt from the bettery asid...and they sed im not a wolfpire...YOU LIE STOP WITH THE LIES AND GIMME THE SPEEL!!!!

mmb u ned 2 get molested n den tri da splel

Even I think its cute lol... XD....

XD This is hilarious!


Lol. Oh my god, you just made my day. Thank you, so much. I can't stop laughing.
Step Five was my absolute favourite, "DIDDLING"

I wish there was a special group for posts like this one. It's a gem.

P.S. If you leave half the dose of cat pee & baby blood, pour it all over your naked body and smear it on the walls in the form of obscure symbols, it gives you additional superpowers against both cats and babies, which are known to be mortal enemies of the werepire. Trust me.

We don't call are selfs that