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A Shortened Version Of How I Got Clean And Stayed Clean..

I am a recovering heroin addict.. I have 13 years clean.. and I got clean without using Methadone.. So I am curious as to why if one does really, honestly want to stop using would you trade one addiction for another?
I was forced into rehab on June 10, 1999.. I dont remember the whole day to be honest.. All I know is that I OD'd. I remember that my dealer had sent his kid brother to drop off my stuff and it was a bag short.. I took the 9 bags I did get and I did them all at one time.. I had never done more than one bag at a time before then.. Thats where my memory stops.. and from what the police report said and the hospital said I held a knife up to a 15 year old kids throat.. (my dealers little brother) A neighbor had called 911 from what I was told and I was forced into an ambulance and taken to the hospital... I dont know how long had passed before my memory came back, but I do know that it was the same day I was admitted. I was laying in a bed and a nurse came in the room with some pills. I have never been a fan of pills no matter what they are, so I automatically told her no.. then she started to explain to me what my body was going to go through as I withdrew from the Heroin.. She did not in any way sugar coat it..
Now they must have given me something before that point, because I can remember all the rest very clearly.. From somewhere, and I have no idea where I told her that I did not want anything at all. No methadone, no pills of any kind.. not even Advil.. I knew myself well enough that if I made my detox easy that I would go right back to it.. At this point, I was being evicted from my apartment, my electricity, phone, cable, and insurance had all been shut off for non-payment on me.. My brand new car had been repossessed and I had lost a VERY good job..
So I had pretty much nothing going for me.. My family had given up on me at this point.. so I honestly have no idea where I found the strength.. but I did.. I detoxed with NOTHING.. and I will not sugar coat it.. It was HORRIBLE.. and that word doesnt even start to explain it.. I was in the bathroom with my head on the toilet for 3 whole days... I did not move.. There where several times that I seriously thought I was going to die.. but I stuck to my guns.. and those damn nurses kept coming in and showing me pills, telling me to just take them and I would feel better... I said no every time..
For the last 13 years, whenever I feel the want, urge, or need to use I remember how I felt for those 3 days.. the memories come flooding back and I honestly get physically ill.. That is what has kept me clean.. That memory.. those feelings.. I NEVER want to experience those again, so today I am clean and I dont ever want to touch Heroin again in my life.. Not saying that I dont miss it.. there are days that its all I think about.. but no matter how much I know how "just a little bit" would take away all my problems, I also know that even that little bit will bring a boatload more.. So if I can do it.. why cant you? Stop being a victim and start being a survivor..
MidniteAngel MidniteAngel 31-35, F 8 Responses Feb 9, 2013

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Congrats!!

I have Ben clean now for 2 weeks and I do not now how I got these fare I have a grate family a wonderful wife and tow grate kids and I put her threw hell for six years and I got kicked out of are house and from there I lost every thing my tow work trucks ,one of are houses,one car now she has my personal truck living in are other house I'm in a crapy apartment and I hate the person I see in my mere I truly lost every thing my self as well and I only see my kids when she wants me to I had the perfect life and just messed it up so bad and I just do not now what to do I have jumped from job to job the last 3 years never bin fired but have all ways just ****** that up and now I do not Evan have a job it was my sons birth day to day I was so broke I could not get hem any thing I just feel like I'm a peace of crap I do not now what to do I think if my baby's where in my life more it would be a lot e sear I would feel better they are the only ones in my hole life that I now that the age they are I could do no wrong it's just a fight to see them and it is my fault.

I now the love of my life wants nothing to do with me and that kills me I'm just stuck hear and I feel like such a peace of crap and I can't get out of it I was doing so good in my life and my family had every thing and I ****** that up for a drug but if this was going on and I did not have my kids I would of ended this life a long time ago and all I want more then any thing is to take care of them like I should be right now. sorry to go on my question is how do I find my self I can see I'm not the same person any more but maybe it's just me with these problem I am open to any advice sorry if these was hard to read I have dyslexia and I can't spell for crap

MidniteAngel, I'm not going to tear that Blicksheep person a new ******* because honestly, people like that are the main reasons I don't use Experience Project anymore.

I originally found this site last Fall after feeling a strong & horrible type of agoraphobia. I just didn't want to leave the house. My nerves, the panic, whatever. I have since dealt with it just fine, life has continued and I am cured of that short experience, thankfully.

Today as in many days since I've been clean (9/11/2011), I do like you said, think about it all the time and wish I was doing it and all that but then I just don't. It's like, I just do not use it or go and get it or find it or call around for it. It just doesn't happen. I just was released last Feb 13 from almost 2 years in prison, plus I'm still on parole until Jan 2015 - I don't get urine tests anymore, this last year is like a cool easy breeze, no visits from my P.O., nothing - just do good, pay monthly fines and get off in a year.

But I think about it all the time, of course. It bothers me, & this afternoon in particular I just wanted to find a place over the internet to talk about it. Just to vent. My fiancee, she understands but then again, she doesn't. I cannot go and talk with her about it, because if I bring it up, it's like, "Why are you thinking or wanting to talk about it all the time?" Yeah, so what. It happens all the time, what the hell, I can't just take my brain out of my head! Jesus Christ.

So anyway, I have no idea what this idiot said below me and honestly, speaking like that to a girl - what a total douchebag. What a tough guy. One of those heroin users who know everything about it, blah, blah, give me a effing break bro!

Your story, MidniteAngel, it was great. I appreciate it. It helped me get through this thought. Just for a moment at least. I appreciate it and I believe you. I miraculously just don't do it. No meetings, no counselor, no nothing. I go to college online, I'm 29 going on 30, I am just living a nice and calm life. I actually enjoy it. And people enjoy me for not being this way. Trust is building back, it's great. But I definitely agree, for advice, to start being a survivor. To tell yourself when you get the thoughts and urges, HOW QUICKLY LIFE WILL TURN OVER AGAIN!! It's the truth.

With heroin, we all know, there isn't some easy way to get along and do it; we all wish that could be. Nope. There's health problems, legal problems, shelter problems, food problems, family and relational problems, emotional, physical, and psychological problems. Man, just so many damn problems!!! Proud of you ;) Thanks again.

Tommy

A "victim"? ...with "authenticity, support, and respect": I don't see how this "story" helps anyone. This whole tale is about how strong you are/were, which is great, but could really make others who are trying as hard as they can, with every fiber of their being, feel like crap. Not everyone is able to go through the horrors of withdrawal and has the courage to turn down nurses with Methadone for 3 straight days...and that doesn't mean the person is playing the victim. If you want to help people, you could talk about HOW you overcame the withdrawals, instead of just that you were so incredible wonderwoman that you beat the odds, and anyone who claims they can't physically handle withdrawals must be a liar, a "victim". If you really are an x-addict and you have ANY kind of empathy for anyone who has been in that situation, you might try encouraging posts instead of boasting and assuming that everyone must have the exact same experiences and resources as you, saying "If I can do it, why can't you?" Is this a freaking diet commercial??? Get over urself.

Wow.. Im sorry that you dont have faith in yourself. I did not in any way, shape or form put ANYONE down. I described MY PERSONAL experience. I even started the story with a question.. I personally dont understand the decision to trade one addiction for another.. Does that make me a better person than anyone else? no.. Does that mean I dont UNDERSTAND another person's choice? Absolutely. I am not that person, so how can I explain the reason for the way that they decided to get clean and/or trying to get clean? I was AGAIN, sharing MY story.. I only know my personal feelings and personal situations.. I honestly have no idea how I overcame the withdrawals in those first 4 days and I plainly stated that.. It came from some strength deep inside of me.. There is not always a black and white answer.. there is ALWAYS gray area.. Im sorry if your world is that closed off. I never stated I was "wonderwoman" nor did I imply it.. I never once typed the word "liar" nor did I imply that either. When I stated at the end that if a person was to stop looking at themselves as a "victim" and instead a "survivor" that is now POSITIVE thinking, instead of negative thinking... Negative thinking will get a person NO WHERE!!!! Positive thinking will go a long way. I am sorry that you took offense to MY PERSONAL story, and for me trying to put some positivity at the end.. You speak to me as if I am the one that is condescending and mean spirited.. Yet the only post on this entire thread that is does not contain "authenticity, support, and respect" is yours. I did not personally point out anyone.. If you do not like what anyone has to say from now on, I would appreciate that you not direct mean spirited comments at ANYONE.. If you are having trouble getting clean, normally I would extend myself to talk, but with the way you addressed me, I honestly have no interest in ever speaking with you again.. However, since I most certainty do have more empathy than you can even imagine, I am going to advise you to seek help. You are a very angry individual who needs someone to talk too.. Professional help is out there waiting for you. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and a healthy, happy long life.. much love..

You need to calm down and get over YOUR self. How can you down somebody else's story of recovery? Calling it a "tale"? Who are YOU?! And to down a woman, a girl! I can't believe, but then again, people like you are the reason I don't talk on here. I'm tired of ignorant people leaving stupid, nonsensical responses. And the truth of the matter is, if it doesn't make sense, it just ain't true. Her story makes sense, and your reply doesn't; it just makes you look like a tool. But anyway, we;re not here to judge her 'story' if it is real or fake or it is helping anyone. We write the stories and hope others comment and feel better about themselves. This isn't The Huffington Post or even Facebook where we are judging others, commenting on things as if we know these people. You are a disgrace to this entire community project. I hope they bar you and ban you from it.

congrats on beating such a dangerous addiction! I'm very happy for you. I also just beat a bad heroin habit. I am 8 months clean.

Wow you have been through a lot! I had a terrible drug and drinking problem and sobered up 22 years ago. I am greatful to be sober everyday.

Congrats on 22 years!!! In the begining I would litterally count my days, weeks, months, even the first few years, but now it seems easier.. Most of the time June 10th rolls around and a couple of days later Ill mention to someone that "hey Ive got another year" lol.. I hope that I can make it as long as you and longer.. so again, congrats on that 22 years.. that is an awesome thing :)

It is just one day at a time!

I can't relate as a heroin user...but I will say that you are the first heroin user I have communicated with. Here is my experience with drugs in a nutshell. I'm 56 and have been smoking pot since 18, have snorted coke, and had one wild experience with a dose of mescaline. A far-out trip that I won't bore you in details with, but the only time I have hallucinated. I guess the thing is for me...drugs have always been recreational....and I have steered away from these stronger drugs (like crack and heroin), because I was afraid the drugs would own me.

Your testimony only tells me that my perceptions of heroin (or crack) are warranted. Highly addictive. So, I will continue to catch a nice easy buzz off of pot, and the occasional drink. I am very happy to hear that you have cleaned up, and that it's not been a short-term thing. I wish I could relate more with you, but at the same very happy I cannot relate...I doubt that I would have the job or security in my life if I could relate more.

Allow me to tip a glass, and offer my sincere congratulations on your sobriety!

Love, Marcy

Im happy that you cant relate.. I wouldnt wish that on anyone.. ever.. While I will be honest and say that I am not considered "clean and sober" under the rules of the program, I am clean from my addiction.. Sure, I smoke pot every now and again, and I even have a beer or a drink sometimes too.. but I know that those I dont have an addiction to, While alcohol can definitely ruin someone's life and they say the detox from that is comparable to the detox from Heroin, I could take it or leave it.. But back in the day I tried everything and the only drug that I loved was Heroin.. I wish I had never started, but then again if I hadnt I wouldnt be that much wiser today :) so thank you.. Its a HUGE accomplishment in my life :)

I really admire your determination and will to get of drugs A no screwing around attitude of slowly weaning off I wish more people had that fight or die attitude I ouit smoking cold turkey but have struggled with alcohol to long haven't fully determined to never look back mindset but have done immense attitude and outlook changes within your story and will is special thank you

Thank you so much.. I can say that I wish I had this attitude with smoking tobacco.. I have tried EVERYTHING and nothing seems to work.. Im hoping someday I will get that will and determination back to stop smoking.. I come from a long line of addicts and alcoholics (in and out of recovery).. If you ever need to talk, Im here.. :)