Learning To Live - Minutes At A TimeAddiction had taken me so far down the scale that I was a broken shell of a human being. I felt so broken that I didn't even feel that there was enough left of me to be fixed. I could hardly talk, all I could feel was dispair and desperation and I couldn't even begin to fathom a life other than the one I was living - I felt helpless and hopeless.
When there came a point of complete desperation I gave up the fight and embraced recovery. I could only embrace it minutes at a time. My first months were taken minutes at a time. I didn't know what to do with myself because I was completely uncomfortable in my own skin.
For months I could hardly string a sentence together or add up change to give to a cashier. A simple feeling could make me feel like it was the end of the world, because drugs had been my only coping mechanism in the past. It was all I could do to get through a day - minutes at a time.
By getting through these times, little by little, I started to learn how to live with the help of people who had done it before me.
Today I've been clean over a year and a half. I have a beautiful life because I am able to see life through the eyes of a grateful recovering addict. I've gone from hardly being able to string a sentence together to being able to speak at rehabs about my experiences. I've gone from being a broken shell of a human being to a happy, joyous and free spirit.
I've learned the beauty of awakening the spirit and the freedom that comes from letting go.
It all started with giving up the fight and learning to live without drugs minutes at a time. There is always hope.