I don't know how many people, if any, read entries on here.  But since my journal is no longer something that is completely private, it's probably in the best interest of my relationship with my girlfriend and my family that I make an entry on here since I'm all out of chances.

I had been clean for 5 months up until tonight. Tonight was just one of those nights. I'm up late, after my roommates and g/f have gone to bed, and I almost couldn't help myself.  The pull was just too strong for me to overcome. I don't know if I should just start over somewhere else, just move somewhere new with different people. Maybe that's all I need.

Phoenix1988 Phoenix1988
1 Response Mar 26, 2009

I know that the guilt of relapsing becomes stronger and stronger as the times between using become longer and longer. I was living in Baltimore since 2006. Recently, I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life. I told my mom there was no way that coming home would help me in my recovery and it would be best for me to change locations. This is the only way that I can be completely serious about my recovery. No one is going to save me or stop me from using. If I am going to use I am going to use....point blank. Only I know the true path of my recovery.