My Drinking Career And How Alcoholics Anonymous Ruined It...

My name is PrincessMaine and as of August 28, 2010, I had 6 years of sobriety with the fellowship and support of Alcoholics Anonymous...

When I open up at any given commitment meeting and stand up at the podium, I usually give the same opening line, even though it's been passed around most likely millions of times. The reason being is that in the back of my mind I believe there is most likely a newcomer in the crowd somewhere feeling a little skeptical about AA in general and s/he is there because s/he HAS to be. It may be the Court system, a spouse, a Judgment, part of an Order or anything else which may lead the reader to believe the attendee simply wants to be anywhere else other than where s/he is at.

The opening is usually a catchy little line and quite witty. It goes as follows, but is not always verbatim..

"My name is PrincessMaine and I am a Recovering Alcoholic." (Then I may say something about the small meeting we had on the way to that meeting..)

"I am allergic to alcohol. The effect that it has on me is very ugly. I break out in handcuffs, bars, jails, institutions, detoxes, etc..."

There's always someone at the meeting who hasn't heard the line. And then I continue on about my drinking career, where it got me and where I ended up. And then I share about how AA has changed my whole life and how I became a spiritual person. I never had that before as I grew up without being introduced to any kind of religion whatsoever.

I love to share my experience, strength and hope with others because others have always been so readily willing to do this for me.

There isn't any way of sugarcoating what alcohol has done to me. They say, and I truly believe this, that the lady takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the lady. True in every one of my horrendous cases. I have been to the point of being arrested several times, had police guns drawn on me, jailed until Monday many times, been in over 15 detoxes, over 5 rehabs, several halfway houses, one women's sober home for a year and a mental institution for two weeks for attempted suicide. I have also slept on the city streets of Boston for a period of time when the Judge threw me in a women's shelter there, but it turned out that after the lights went out the "crack thing" was going on with some of the girls and I just wasn't into that so I upped and left. I currently have three OUIs on my record and I am still trying to straighten out the wreckage of my past. It's been one hell of a ride and I wouldn't recommend this one to anyone..

I didn't really care about what happened to me at that point. I just couldn't seem to hit my bottom. The bottle ruled my life and I was determined to satisfy that monkey with every bit of my being. I couldn't live without it. I couldn't talk to anyone, I needed the poison for everything and every reason was a good reason. I actually heard someone say at a meeting once that she didn't want to die because "she wouldn't be able to drink any more". Imagine that?

I think a lot of people here at EP know who I am. So don't be shocked when I tell you that I have quite the "RAP" sheet. All  from the use of alcohol, of course. I'm a blackout drinker. (Notice I didn't say "was". You are an alcoholic until they put you in your grave) One can never be "cured" from it, and it's always lingering-waiting for you to take the bite while growing even stronger...the disease of alcoholism wants you dead. It certainly did me. They actually told my Mom my blood alcohol level was .50 in ICU and that I "may not make it through the night". Damn what I put my family through!

The hardest things for me, especially in the beginning, were the resentments. I have learned, through AA, how to let them go and forgive those who've hurt me. I do believe in Karma and It will handle those who intentionally hurt me and others and/or who are evil. So, I find it in my heart to let go and forgive and not let the evil people rent space in my head.. The others...., well, I pray for them because they must be as sick as I am..

Let me quickly give you an example of something, stemming from my alcoholism, on my "RAP" sheet:

Assault and Battery:

Our old neighbor: A well known alcoholic and pain pill user. She was friendly with my Mom, but my Mom never trusted her. I was friends and grew up with her daughter. Let's say her name is "Ida". Ida did take care of my Mom when she was dying from Cancer. My heart aches because I was married to the bottle at that point. I SO couldn't deal with that as I thought my Mom invincible..She was just always so very strong. When my Mom found out that she had Cancer, she told Ida and Ida never told us. Mom didn't want to worry her children, especially me. Funny thing about my Mom, she was always happy when I was jailed or in rehab because that was one night that she wouldn't have to worry about me..

Well, on the day of my Mom's intern, my brother gave Ida the key to our home and asked her to set up some food plates and try to straighten up a little for company after the funeral. There was a guy who went with her, an alleged "friend" of my Dad's who lived up the street and used to visit Dad. (Dad and Mom passed 6 months apart in 2003 and 2004).

When I returned home, I saw 3 large contractor bags full of my Mother's things, EVERYTHING!! Clothes, all her jewelry, everything that was in her top drawers that even *I* never saw! She said she took a "couple of bags* to her house already because she "knew they wouldn't fit me". She claims that she was "doing me a favor". I started yelling and then she put on this fake panic attack for my older brother then ran and pretended to throw up in the sink. She was The Great Manipulator and actor, but then again, aren't all of us alcoholics?

I can't explain to you what an absolute RAGE I was in. I lost my closure that day, NEVER to get it back. A couple of days later after having had a few, I met Ida in the back yard and started telling her how I, uh, felt about what she had done. Then I walked right up to her and socked her in the eye. Hence, the black eye I gave her. (I had taken quite a few Tai Kwon Do lessons in my 20s & 30s).

Now this would have been handled quite differently today. AA has taught me how to deal with things responsibly. An officer would have been the best route for all involved because what she actually did was steal from the family. From me. That being said, the guy that was allegedly friends with my Dad ended up scoffing some things downstairs that belonged to my Dad (a bunch of very expensive tools), as did Ida, but she took home some other things I will never know about. Neither one of them had any business being downstairs.

I have always wanted to write about this episode because it has haunted me quite a bit since then. She sent me an email later saying my mother hated me and hated "dealing with me". I know for a fact that my mother loved me more than any person could possibly love another unconditionally. That was simply meant to hurt, and I knew it. My Mom spent her life wondering where SHE went wrong in raising me.. I actually still have that email!

But ya know what, folks? One of the best choices I ever made was NOT having children. I knew I was emotionally and physically too ill to take care of myself let alone a cat! But those are the choices I made and the only really good one was the aforementioned. All of the former ones brought me nearly to my death several times.  

It breaks my heart when I see some young men and women who are still active and suffering and as I read their stories I can't help but feel their pain. And sometimes the tears, well, my tears roll with theirs...

AA saved my life. I have seen AA save many many lives. The members didn't give me dirty looks when I went to meetings in the beginning with vodka on my breath and emanating through my pores. They always welcomed me with open arms through my journey of what seemed perpetual revolving doors. And I have enough one-day chips to start a poker game all over the world! Don't give up folks, you can "fake it 'til you make it"!

Alcoholic Anonymous gave my Mom the gift of 24 years of sobriety before she passed.  And 124 AAers attended her funeral that day. I hope she hears me when I tell her how many people adored her. She never noticed because she spent so much time worrying about me and those she loved around her. And she loved Alcoholics Anonymous as much as I do today. I thank God every day that she pointed me in the right direction.
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119 Responses Dec 23, 2010

Thanks for sharing.One day at a time.

I too am an alcoholic and have been through many programs, both inpatient and out. AA just turned me off, as did many of the twelve step programs. I finally found some real help from an all veteran program at my local VA hospital. Don't give up, you will find a support group who can really help you. Just hang in there

Hi Princess, I hope all is ok for you.

Applause and hugs!

Thanks for sharing. I'm sure there's someone out there who's in a bad place that will read it and hopefully be helped by it. That's how it works, right?

Hello,Stranger!...yes,alcohol is an evil!...I,through alcohol ,have had a leg amputated,but been "dry" for 13 months now after drinking for 45 years!..I thank God for family and Friends for sticking with me!

i go to church, and attend AA, in church people talk about miracles. but have never actually seen them, in AA i have seen people brought back from the brink of death on many occasions with my own eyes, and now im reading about an other one, your gratitude shines through, one more miracle , one day at a time, i live at the other side of the world, but this fellowship thank fully has no boundaries, just one universal sprite, thank you for reminding me that.

While I have met people who were allergic to alcohol, they did not recognize it, it is interesting you did. My cousin is still drinking and has not much liver left, I think for his behavior I would put him in the allergic category. For me, I stopped on my own, went through a couple of years of the sugar shakes, stay away from drinks I like, but I will on occasion have a beer. My sympathies are with you and all you have been through, I hope the rest of your life is just the normal strife we all face.

Afraid there is not much anyone can do for him, he has pretty well turned all the family against him, and he does not see the drinking as a problem.

I have 34 years of sobriety thanks to AA. I want to congratulate you....keep up the good work.

Terrific post,so open and honest,I am sure this will assist others in the same position,extremely brave of you write with such candor.

Wow ~ Thank you for sharing so much of yourself Princess... You are blessed indeed. Hang in there girl. This story inspires me to make better choices for my own life.<br />
<br />

Thank you for sharing your story and I'm really happy that AA has kept you sober.<br />
<br />
Personally, I have a difficult time with it. It bugs me that AA paints everyone with one paintbrush. I have a hard time with any sweeping generalizations because I don't think they exist. I don't believe that every alcoholic has the same traits. We share an addiction and obviously that will bond us but we are not all alike. And we don't all end up in institutions, hospitals or dead if we continue to drink. I know 80 yr. olds that are still drinking and have never been institutionalized or in prison.

Very great story PrincessMaine. I'm very familiar with the word Alcoholic, but have to admitt that I've never heard the line you've mentioned, '"I am allergic to alcohol. The effect that it has on me is very ugly. I break out in handcuffs, bars, jails, institutions, detoxes, etc...". Very eye opening. Thanks for sharing.

*hugs* thank you for sharing yourself. I'm sorry that happened to you. I am inspired to know that you have found a place within yourself of strength to both share yourself so freely and resist the vice which is alcohol.

hi <br />
new member on ep here, from Ireland, Love your story,well written and states the case well.<br />
<br />
congrats on the 6 yrs from a 30 yrs of just one day at a time, its never more or less.<br />
one day makes it possible.<br />
I have a 26 and 24 yr old daughters who have never seen me drink so thats one of the blessings I got.<br />
Well done keep it up <br />
Satsilk 69 yr old man

not sure if "melting" means that "yes you will be my temporary sponsor" or "no".<br />
<br />

this is quit the story and you opened shared with us.don't feel bad,you have an illness,don't we all do things that we are ashamed of now.have you thought of sending a copy of this story to readers digest and magazines?i think it is a human intrest story.

You" princess" are a true testimony of beating the odds ' and are a real survivor. I want to commend you on your straight forward, no nonsense approach in helping people to better understand the disease of alcoholism..My dad was an alcoholic and if he happened to gave it up for any length of time ,it would only be temporarily arrested on the inside ,when he <br />
Picked it back up again he consumed mass amounts more ,because the disease was still progressing whether he drank or not. Its a very complex disease indeed. I'm happy to see that despite all you've been through you so wonderfully enlighten those around you, with your beautiful words of encouragement, great sense of humor and pleasant out look on life. I wish you continued sobriety always and may God give you the strength daily to keep your feet on solid ground. lots of love ..always!<br />

would you be my temp sponsor while I am in Portugal for the rest of this year ?<br />
<br />

Congratulations for every sober day and an "I'm sorry that happened" for every bad thing in your life.

Well written ,strait from the heart. I too can relate to a lot of what you have written.Family and friends suffer most. I am 3o years sober thanks to my wife and kids.Long may it last.

my GAWD your writing is epic

Wow, Princess Maine, I am glad that I was nowhere as bad as you! - LOL! I would love to hear you on a commitment and have you come to one of mine(We have 3 this week). I haven't had a drink in 26 years, but I have had plenty of drugs since. I am a newcomer. I had 2 1/2 years clean and sober but didnt remember H.O.W. I got sober. I had a moment of clarity or a spiritual experience and I let god come into my life. Looking back, I realize that from that point I was in relapse. It took 15 months for me to do a durg, but I thought that I knew it all and I became unteachable. I came back right away and by the grace of god will have 6 months this Friday. I am working on being humble. I realize that I only know a little and when I speak I am not there to drop pearls of wisdom on the newcomers. I have to run to my home group meeting but will keep coming (and email you more) later tonight. It is hard work and it is not for those who need it, but for those who want it. I would love to chat with you about this.

It took me a year and a half. I know a friend of my sister from high school days who is in our group when she comes to "the island" it's really a peninsula, every summer. When I told her that I was on step 4, she told me that she had 37 resentments against her kindergarden teacher. I don't even remember my kindergarden teach(my friend is 4 years my senior) and why the heck would I resent something that happened over 50 years ago! Some are sicker than others! Though I am one sick puppy!

like you...i have the same allergy.

You Young Lady are a very gifted writer....<br />
Along with your AA please search out a writing class that you can attend...<br />
You have a true way with words and the way you make them flow.<br />
God Grace be with you...

I can identify with what you went through in your drinking career but mine was already ruined when I walked through the doors. I can never safely drink alcohol again. My last binge was in 1989. The 12 steps are the greatest gift to mankind in the 20th century and to describe them as a "program" is really an understatement because they're more than a way to sobriety, they're the gateway to spiritual liberation. I learned about A.A. through the court system on a b&e charge. The judge asked me if I had a problem with alcohol and I said that it was most likely I did so I got sent to a rehab and the first thing the alcohol counselor did when he came and got me was recite How It Works. I spent about a month in rehab and after therapy I started to feel strange because I couldn't think or feel after awhile and that scared me because I never felt that way before so I asked around with my fellow "inmates" and drug counselors what was going on and they most likely didn't know but I know what was going on now. At the time however it terrified me so I left feeling mind raped and violated. It took a few years and quite a few more binges before I know that either I had to get help or die because I was doing some crazy stuff like walking across bridges with an apex of at least 150 feet on the railing and walking in the middle of the road waiting for a car to hit me and end it all. It is really a long story, but I really know that I was guided by angels for a lot of reasons. I finally got the Gift Of Desperation in 1989 and what happened to me as the result of the steps was something out of Shirley MacLaine's Out On A Limb. I don't talk about it much because I'm "crazy" according to most "assessments" because "it just doesn't happen in A.A." but my experience with the steps answered a lot of questions but left a lot of new ones and I'm sorry but i just don't believe a lot of what is said in the fellowship anymore and imo and experience Eckhart Tolle is right because there is a vastness beyond the groups, the steps, traditions and everything else you can find on the wall at A.A. meetings and that's the truth I'm standing with because that vastness is "God" Regards; S.W.

Welcome Princessmaine, Keep coming back. I also am a Alcoholic, and a black out drinker. So you know what Its like . I have been sober for 20 years and AA also has changed my life. My life right now is about to make another change, and it will be good. Thank you for sharing and keep coming back...

I don't know if you'll get this but, you're story has helped me a little. I want this suffering to end as it has been haunting me since I was a boy. I'm a man now, a good man I think, but this alcoholic ghosts stays with me. I have lost everything, except my career, which I'm desperately clinging to as a salvation. I need help. I need help so bad. I need to escape this demon. It is destroying my life.

I'm so happy for you that you found your way out of that dead end street, that is really great and truly something to be proud of. <br />
<br />
I've just past my 24 year sober. Unfortunately, far too many of my old friends didn't make it and were taken young by their addictions and the hazards that come with it.

Thank you.

And all that time we thought we were having fun.Good on ya,PM.<br />
A friend of Bill !

I battled alcohol 3 years ago when I was diagnosed a type 2 diabetic. I joined e/p 2 years ago this Wednesday so I can help others that are going through the problems with alcohol. I've helped 6 members on e/p and 2 members on f/b to beat the alcohol monkey like I did. Hang in there PrincessMaine. God is always at your side helping you.

this story really spoke to me. i really love some of your lines: "married to the bottle, the drink takes the lady", and "she was the great manipulator and actor, but aren't all us alcoholics" lol very true. <br />
i'm still an alcoholic, and its hard, because i can go to a AA meeting, but i can't speak of religion or anything hopeful. I was religious before hitting the bottle, which only adds to my guilt. Was also raised by two good people. i know they probably ask where they went wrong with raising me all the time. <br />
i dont have kids but i do have a cat, and im happy to say everyone can see how much i love her and spoil her. and she follows me everywhere, and seeks me out. its nice to know despite my issues, this creature can still care about me and see me as a mother figure.<br />
its also a challenge for me to go to work, five days a week, and be drunk 90 percent of the day. its like i had to train myself to become a good actor. and it must be working, because i havent been called on it yet. <br />
ive never been to rehab but i might find myself in an asylum one day

sad thing is i never went to a meeting. i already prayed to god to help. no answer yet. i just keep spiraling down. and i dont even know why i cant say no. sort of like its become who i am. and i dont care. i put a gun to my head too once. you're not alone in that. alcoholism isnt my only problem, i have depression too. so right now im pretty much pouring gasoline on a fire. i looked far and wide.
am waiting for relief

I had sixteen years sober and lost my mind for two and a half years or so. I'm back beware all it is still there hiding, waiting for you to forget how important AA is. Trust me it is and it will be worse this time I promise you that it will. I will share my story when I am ready,

I hope that God uses you to touch many, who need to hear your words of hope and encouragement.

You are strongest when you know what/who you are. I have no doubt that your mom is prideful of your everyday efforts to live and inspire. I do hope and pray that you can continue on your path with the love, support and friendship of many. To inspire those who feel helpless with your resolve to know who and what you are.<br />
<br />
Knowing your story, I am so grateful and humbled, no matter how tragic my life was, it could have been far worse. I'm glad you survived to tell your story.<br />
<br />
Thank you.

You are very welcome! It is in part that we are only able to be who we are by those we keep in our lives! Again thank you for your inspirations in being you, you should have much and many!

thanks for sharing - I am sure it is hard to write this, your are a stronger woman than u realise. Best of luck

Wow, you've got a great story to tell especially for those who hasn't changed to better. I had a younger brother once and was into alcohol too. He also got jailed and was almost murdered by gangs. But he changed too. After 6 months, he was diagnosed of having cancer and died after 100 days. Its lucky for you that you changed and is still enjoying the life God has given you.

Keep coming BACK ! Thank you for sharing so eloquently, both your disease n your recovery from the disease.<br />
Love n Hugs

Hello, I am reading your post 1 year later, but it has given me so much hope! My husband is in a AA rehab here in Mexico. He was so messed up, he couldnt go a day without drinking. He was at a point in which he was drinking pure alcohol, the one they sell in the pharmacy!<br />
We have 2 little kids and if he doesnt get sober I am going to leave him. <br />
Your story really gave me hope!<br />
<br />
Thank you for sharing!

This is a very encouraging story, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, you started a new life for better I'm pretty sure a lot of people can identify with it, thanks for sharing

Thank you Princess for opening up and sharing your experience. There are so, so many people in this world who need to hear it directly from someone who has found a way out of it. Someone who is beautiful inside and outside and has a sunny attitude and a sexy smile and who has overcome alcoholism. Here is proof you can do it. It works.

Thanks for sharing, we all have our demons haunting us, don't we? I commend you for sharing your story. You are a strong lady. Take care my friend.<br />

I said when I first read this story back in December that it was inspiring. I just re-read it again and wanted to say that you really are such a wonderful example to everyone of how to keep going in the face of seemingly impossible odds. Thanks again Princess for sharing your story. You are very brave and I'm proud to have you in my circle.

I don't know what to say that everyone before me has not already said. I can't tell you how much your story moved me in so many ways. Thank you so much for sharing a very intimate and personal experience. I'm sure you've inspired many people both in your AA meetings, on here, and in life to take those first steps. Thank you again!

I'm really proud of YOU.. and thanks for taking the time to write it to share it. <br />
Your story touched me. I've lived with a violent alcoholic step father that hated me. I lived in fear everyday because of the bottle for 16 years.<br />
I never picked it up myself.. I have my own thorns, though. We all do..<br />
Keep it up!! August 28th was my late husbands b'day :) I'll think about you now, too!!

I went to 1 Alanon meeting when I was younger with a friend. It was her 1st vist.. I love the group.. her daughter was also later joined a teen group. She attended for a long time. I'm thankful for AA :)

I am so glad you came out. It is very heartwarming to hear a true success story. Thank you.

I've been trying to quit for so long... This is a big *** monkey on my back though. Your story is inspirational, makes me think I can do it. I don't even know where to start though...

While I don't drink much, I make sure my uncle keeps an eye on me since alcoholism runs in my family. (he is 27 years sober) Of the 4 people in my family who have went to AA and got sober; 1 broke his neck, one got cancer, one lost her leg in a motorcycle accident, and one is now addicted to pain killers. I am afraid to stop drinking. LOL

Fab story !! I love the sense of humour in AA :-) Where else can you find people sharing the ba<x>sest, degrading stories about themselves with a wry smile and a look of gratitude !!<br />
<br />
Thank G.O.D for sobriety - Makes the bad old days sort of worth it !!

Thank you Princess for sharing your story. I lost a family member to alcoholism. He was a wonderful and interesting person whom i dearly love. You have made great accomplishments with your disease and i wish God's blessings upon you and continued success and happiness in your life. You are an inspiration to those who face this problem or have family members who do. You give them hope. Thanks for sharing your story dear :) xox

Wow love this story. Congratulations you should be proud of yourself. I had a childhood friend for dinner once -we knew him very well and it had been whispered that he was hitting the bottle well he was and he was passed out before dinner was served . When he woke up some of my guests his friends made fun of him. This upset me and I took him aside and spoke with him he was hurting and it pissed me off that they could not deal with it. I was so proud and honoured when he invited my to his graduation from rehab. I took my two daughters who were young and we celebrated his new life .He has been sober for many years!

Wow Princess Maine that is heartbreaking,touching,emotional,soul searching,and so many other things all in one story.I feel for you for what you went through.I am happy about the out come and also glad your martial arts training didn't do more damage to "Ida".<br />
I have never been a drinker and never had kids either but for me it was for different reasons.I respect why you choose not to have kids,that is about as responsible of a decision as any I have ever heard.<br />
Good for you for being sober 6 yrs and continuing.I feel very good for stumbling upon your story this morning.Makes me feel good about today.I hope you have the best life going forward as any can have.I am sorry your passed away.

the story of my life too. i have only recently given up the plonk, two weeks ago to be exact. i am doing well, no problems with any withdrawals etc. my reason for quitting is that ,once again, i got in trouble with the police, detained under the mental health act (aust. ). and charged with firearm offences. the guns were'nt used in any way , they wre just not licenced and not in a secure place. so , after my doctor told me my livers not too happy, i realised something has to change. i am. your story is so inspirational i think i'll bookmark it so i can read it if i get a bit down. thank you so much. xxx

Thanks for sharing so much of your pain. Outstanding writing PM!! Your sending a powerful message to some that will benefit from your words! Congratulations on 6+ years of sobriety! You rock.<br />
<br />

You are a inspiration. Kudos :)

I am so glad I came across your story,very refreshing,very inspirational and should make anyone reading it feel good.I know it made me feel good and I have never been a drinker my whole life but I have my things in life to work through.So I thank you for your story and glad how well you are doing.

"AA saved my life. I have seen AA save many many lives. "<br />
<br />
Truer words have never been spoken. Thank you for sharing, PrincessMaine. I celebrated 11years back in December -- I too had my life saved by AA and have now seen the Program save many, many other lives.

I am right there with you, Princess!

Not only am I proud of you, but you inspire me to take that lesson into my daily life :)<br />
<br />
You rock through and through PM!

Thanks Miss Princess! <br />
AA saved my life and started me on an amazing journey!

PrincessMaine, I just wanted to add that when I hear newcomers who are young complain about there being no "young people" in the program I just make a face. Because it is just an excuse... just another justification for them to go on drinking. First, OF COURSE there are young people in AA -- if you want to find them, ask around... go to young peoples meetings, look for ones near colleges... whatever. They are there. Second, AA is about SOBRIETY AND SANITY, not age. There are 12 STEPS, not 13. I was taught to listen to those who came before me, to seek out people with experience, and what I wanted. NOT someone who was just "my age."

Hi Princess, I'm sure you're far from being alone here, had my own battles with drugs and alchohol, but you , like me came out the other side, stronger and wiser for the experience, so congrats little lady and well done, enjoy your sobriety, you've earned the right !<br />
<br />

BTW just want you to know my best bud is celebrating his 26th year sober today.<br />
6 of them he has been my friend, and Im very proud of him.<br />
as I am of you

There are NOT many people who can confess to things concerning one's own behavior, let alone write about them with the express intent to help others! It's a wonderful thing you're doing! Because it's a purposeful gift you're exposing to all those in need and searching. Keep doing what you's a giving thing! Thanks!

Thank you so much for writing this! My dad went to AA when I was about 9. It was hard on all of us but it was great when he was done. It didn't take him long to fall off the wagon again because of his depression and anxiety disorder. I know first hand how much alcoholism affects people and hearing that you went through AA and that it helped you has helped restore hope in my life. You are an inspiration to me..

Well my drinking career was ruined too but maybe it was music that helped save me.<br />
Here is part of a song by Slade.<br />
<br />
I don’t want to spend my money like you do – I don’t want to drink my whiskey but still do – I had enough now to fill up plenty of sesspools - I said stop now and come on - I need love now so come on that’s right that’s right - mama were all crazy now. Cheers and happy New Year!

your qite an mazing woman, to go throught everything you have been through. and yet you keep those positive thoughts.

Dear Princess,<br />
<br />
I salute your honesty, frankness and courage. You are an inspiration for all those who are searching for control over how they live their lives.

I have read a few of your stories and have seen you on here for a long time and all I have to say is you are brave to fight the demons.I wish you nothing but health and happiness one day at a time.Hugs..beachy.

i enjoyed reading your story and wish I could listen to you share. I have been sober for a little over 7 years ( sobriety date of 10-13-03 ) and still attend regularly. I lead a meeting here in Goldthwaite, Texas that meets twice a week. We seem to have a lot of people who got the Judge Nudge, just out of prison, jails, rehabs, etc. i went to four rehabs before I finally got the message and I have to say, it was not in rehab that I understood that it was my behavior that was getting me into trouble. it went on for a long time. I started trying to get sober in 1995 and was not successful until 2003. My faith in AA is total, but I now understand that if I don't drink alcohol, very good things happen to me and if i do drink alcohol some very bad things will happen. I am thankful everyday for my sobriety and for the gift that AA offers, if you only ask. God has been good to me and my family and it sounds like to you and yours as well. Thanks for sharing. edgarner51

you are definitely telling large parts of my story here as well-different folks,different circumstances,same cunning/baffling affliction. But I too realise that today I can offer hope and support along the journey for others who struggle with this as well-just as I was asssisted by those annoying do-gooders early on.As you remind me,there's nothing in my life which would be improved by taking a drink,even though my sick little mind tells me that at times...somehow,for whatever reason I have been spared an early death from drinking and drugs and the support I found in AA has made this possible.<br />
In Jan.I will celebrate 4 years without a drink and that has made a world of difference to this formerly hopeless alcoholic.I still struggle,but in a much healthier way. Yes,AA ruined my drinking too-and for that I am humbly grateful. blessings and holiday cheer to you all,D.

If you were here I would shake your hand and then hug you. I am in my first year of AA -- but I was raised in the program. My daddy has over 25 years sobriety, all ODAAT. I love AA and I love everyone in it. (There are a few I have met I don't like, but....)<br />
<br />
Congratulations on your sobriety and on a wonderful posting.<br />
<br />
Sara W

I used to tell my kids (they are adults now) alcohol is the devil's drug! People get those Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde personalities going after so much consumption. I like the allergic analogy, how true.<br />
<br />
I've dealt with it in my life with a few family members, by brother died because of it, my 1st marriage not only ended because of it, but my "x" also died early from it (55), my skids came to live with us (my 2nd marriage) because of it (BM and SD were both alcoholics and doing other things) and I show symptoms of codependency even though I'm not an alcoholic myself, and that's just because I was in close contact with those that were and had to deal with the after affects. <br />
<br />
Did I tell you I also lost my nephew due to it? And my Aunt? My nephew was run over by a car, is now brain damaged for life, and will probably end up being institutionalized. Yep, alcohol, fight, thrown out of car, someone turns around and runs him back over (all drunk) then drug him under the car for awhile --- on top of it --- will never be the same, significant brain damage, all because of alcohol.<br />
<br />
PM, you're giving yourself and family a big gift by staying sober. I applaud your honesty and efforts...way to go girl!

My respect for you doesn't change a bit, in fact I am so proud of how far you come. Hopefully with this you can let it all go and be behind you and dealt with but yet we can all learn a thing or two about you PrincessMaine.

KEEP COMING BACK Princess , IT WORKS , if you work it.And it works miracles, doesn't it ?<br />
Is this your sobriety date BTW ? My special date here on EP is my surrender date. <br />
And on that date , 3 months and 340 days back, the Miracle started in my life.<br />
Excellent sharing , thank you.<br />
Thank you for staying sober and showing me the way.<br />
Gratitude , Love n Hugs

im sorry 4 ur troubles. please leave me a message when u feel u need a shoulder to lean on or when u need to hear a honest opinion

Wow. This story took my breath away. The strength and determination it took to rise from such depths to the person you are now is a brilliant inspiration. I wish everyone on EP who feels hopeless and is tempted to just give up would read this. Thank you, Princess, for sharing a truly uplifting story.

I'm so proud of you and this story.<br />
<br />
You put yourself right out there in front for everyone to see. You did it to help others.<br />
<br />
I don't think you really see what a courageous person you've evolved into.<br />
<br />
AA is a very familiar name in my family. Most of the men in my family, including both my brothers, and ALL my male cousins have had to deal with this disease. It definitely is a familial disease and brings sadness and despair to children and parents.<br />
<br />
BUT with strong people coming forward and bearing testament to the success of AA there is hope. My brother has been active in AA for 27 years of sobriety. My cousin just celebrated 30 years of sobriety. <br />
<br />
You're a tough little one, Princess Maine. Thank God for your spark!<br />
<br />
I'm truly thankful for people such as you that will speak up.

From your story I can see that you have suffered your hell on earth, and I'm sure it will help others who need help, thank you for sharing , and I'm sure your beloved mum is so proud of you, as we all are..... God Bless and keep you safe in His Love....S

wow thats a great story, wish you the best, and a merry christmas

All power to you, Princess! This is a great story, which tugs at the heart-strings and also at this addict's conscience. I am so glad you found AA and that the fellowship helped you so much. And congratulations on your six years' sobriety.<br />
<br />
I attended many meetings of AA's sister organisation, Narcotics Anonymous but unfortunately found that being around other addicts made it harder for me to stay clean myself. So I pruned my list of contacts to a few 'straight' friends and managed to stay clean for ten years, while raising my son on my own. I recently relapsed in a spectacular way -blowing 40 grand in under three months, and am currently using again. Your story has given me pause to consider giving NA another try.<br />
<br />
Thank You for posting with such honesty.<br />
<br />
Xs, Dex

Congrats on 6 wonderful years...<br />
Trust God, Clean house and work with others...The true simplicity of the the program is found in three words "surrender, surrender, surrender". <br />
Chuck C. said "Heaven is just a new pair of glasses" and AA gave me a new pair and I know from reading here that you too have a new pair of glasses. Heaven really does exist here on earth, and right amongst the Hell we used to wallow in our disease in. <br />
I too, suffer from alcohol"ism" not alcohol"wasm". <br />
Recovery, Service and Fellowship. I need all three. <br />
Steps, Traditions and Concepts. The 36 steps as my sponsor says. <br />
Freely give what was freely given...<br />
The Big Book says ....."Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us....." (page 77)<br />
<br />
When I hear other people sharing their gratitude I always smile, because my sponsor showed me that Gratitude and love are action words, they are verbs, not nouns. <br />
I have so much to share, but will not because this is not the place for that.<br />
I just wanted to say thanks for keeping me sober and giving me hope and faith. <br />
hugs my fellow trudger, may we meet upon the Road of Happy Destiny many times more...

Keep on the straight and narrow will be an inspration to very many people!!! I have a friend who is still dealing with his Disease and he has been to AA meeting also but he doen't understand that it is absolutly killing him!!! Good luck to your continued success!!!

Hey Baby<br />
Just want you to know.<br />
Im Proud of you<br />
Youre a very terrific woman<br />
A role model<br />
and Im happy to say<br />
My Friend<br />
xoxo<br />

That's just amazing and inspiring Princess. I wish you all the happiness you so deserve. ((hugs))

What a powerful message and story. You are an inspiration. The courage you exhibit in every day life is something you worked very hard for and attained. I am glad I know you!

You are a great Inspiration to other sufferers,PM. I am so pleased that you mentioned that Alcoholism is a disease.This is a fact that a lot of people do not recognise. Congratulations on your achievement so far ,long may you continue to triumph..Very well done .. and a very well written story.

Excelent account of your experiences Princess, Excellent!