Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Seriously, today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I have decided today to get sober.  I have drank alchohol almost everyday for about 30 years.  Since I am 58 that makes for some serious drinking.  My mother died from alcoholism and my grandfather was an alcoholic.  My brother is an alcoholic and homeless somewhere in the world.  For all I know he may be dead.  So Alcoholism definitely runs in my family.  Yesterday I drank 2 Pints of Tequila.  Today I am not feeling well.  I am sober but I am nauseated, shaky, dizzy and my liver feels sore.  But I am not going to drink.  I know that Alcohol will eventually kill me if I do not stop.  So here I sit.  Sipping ice tea and leaving this blog.  I do not drive because I wrecked my car while I was drunk and was arrested.  That fiasco cost me close to $9,0000!   But did I stop drinking? NO!  That was in 2008.  In fact, I drank more after the accident.  I was a smoker and I quit smoking.  Stopping smoking was easier than this is going to be I think.  But dang it, I am going to give it a shot.  I am definitely going to need help and support.  A friend from my church is going to go to AA meetings with me on Mondays after our bible study.  Being a drunk and being a christian just is not an option.  So I have decided to keep God and dump Alcohol because I realized I was worshiping Alcohol way more than I was worshiping God.  So here I am.  Wish me luck and a prayer won't hurt.   Thank you.
nanodog nanodog
56-60, F
3 Responses May 18, 2012

"How can you who are so holy suffer? All your past except it's beauty is gone and nothing is left but a blessing I have saved all your kindnesses and every loving thought you ever had. I have purified them of the errors that hid their light and kept them in their own perfect radiance" ~ A Course In Miracles

So few see past relationships for what they truly are and build up defenses which only attract more of the same over and over again with monotonous regularity. Many look at what they gave in past relationships once the form changed or the relationship seemed to end all that you gave to that relationship.

This is yet another lie of the ego with one of it's ways to steal all the joy you could be experiencing.

The Truth is that ALL that you gave in any relationship was given to yourself and you take every bit of it wherever you go for all eternity.

No kind, loving expression was ever wasted no matter what the outcome.

However, you do have free will and are perfectly able to feel deprived and improvised if you see it that way.

You may feel that you wasted years of your life or gave gifts where they were not appreciated or received well.

This is your ego story and has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the Truth.

In Truth...

The more you give the more you accrue.

Suppose your parents opened up a bank account for you when you were born and made weekly deposits for you for years till now but you didn't know about it.

You could think of yourself as impoverished or lacking. You can tell the story of your poverty as fact and believe every word of it and therefore be totally at the effect of that story.

You could die a millionaire in a shack with dirt floors never knowing what was available to you all along.

In actuality, you have an Emotional Bank Account in which you have been making deposits of love, kindness, tenderness, affection, approval, appreciation, and all kinds of emotional currency.

Every smile you ever gave to another was a deposit into the account. with the God/Christ Consciousness purified from all the false attachments and any fear that cling to them.

You never lose by giving love for every bit of it stays with you for time and all eternity.

No one has ever made a fool of you; no one has ever taken advantage of you because what is given can never be lost.

I'll pray for you, welcome to recovery.

From one alcoholic Christian to another, you can quit and began to enjoy the life God wants to give you-after completely hitting rock bottom by getting drunk in front of my children & 6 grandchildren this past Thanksgiving,I quit. I promise you that He is faithful & wants you to breath & live the life He has for you through a sober mind. I have been drinking heavily for about 15 years(even lost a fantastic job working at my church), but wouldn't give it up. He promises to turn our ashes into beauty if we ask Him to-please allow Jesus Christ to restore you. Praying for you.