Restoring Myself

I had my last drink on New Year's Eve to start 2012 with a huge change in my life.

Too many times I thought I'd moderate my drinking. I've found that if you're spending a lot of thought and effort on moderating, you are clearly addicted to having more than 1 glass of alcohol a day. That's right. The healthy range of drinking for women is only one for the entire day. Is that even possible or enjoyable for anyone, I wonder? That's how I used to treat water. Something I could take or leave. But coming home to a house without alcohol because I forgot to buy some after running out? Reason to immediately turn around and get some!

I would keep up the one drink or two drinks a day for a little while, with extreme willpower and feeling deprived, until I would let loose for some reason like a hard day, a happy day, a sunny day, etc. and have drinks until it was time for bed time. Let the good times roll, right?

I am done with that rollercoaster. Unfortunately, my husband is not. I thought it would just be about his feeling strange when I would drink water while he was drinking wine.

As I begin to feel more, have more energy, observe more about our codependent patterns, I see that I have not been very true to myself. Plus, he keeps saying I'm weird and complicated, and that I have now made us incompatible because I will not drink and that I dislike his drunk personality that keeps criticizing me. He's usually much nicer and fun to be with when he's sober or only has a few drinks. But that is as difficult for him as it was for me.

I would love to talk with others going through a similar situation.
Hachan Hachan
41-45, F
2 Responses Jul 12, 2012

I have only heard of a similar story but the husband quit drinking and his wife didn't. Simply put words of wisdom. Your husband lost his drinking buddy! He will come around sooner or later.

He's threatening separation/divorce, saying we are now incompatible.

More than just losing a drinking buddy, he feels that he cannot trust me and that I judge him for being a drinker. True, I don't hang with him much when he's drunk and hard to relate to, plus I realize how much I am starting to see alcohol as poison.. doesn't help him when he wants me to ooh and ahh over a new merlot.

You didn't say if you were in recovery in AA ... if you are, then I'm sure that you've heard plenty of stories from those who have spouses who are still drinking .... if you don't mind the suggestion, get to some Al Anon meetings to learn how to detach from your husband's drinking behaviors .... I wish you the best ...

Thanks, I have been reluctant because I am under the impression that Al-Anon is all about twisting myself into a pretzel to keep my alcoholic husband happy and pretending like nothing's changed. Further, I lose anonymity. But as I learn more about codependency, I am reaching out to various resources. I am in an online community that helps each other with quitting and all the emotions that come with it - some of them share the AA teachings.

Don't know where those impressions of Al-Anon came from ... not the case in my experience ... it's about remaining true, centered and strong in yourself regardless of what's going on around you ... and Al-Anon is as anonymous as AA ... but I understand your concerns .... as long as you stay sober, it doesn't matter where the strength comes from .... all best to you ...