Recovered Myself, Now It's A Friend's Turn.

Hi all,

I've been an alcoholic for 2 years in my life untill I found the strength to recover, it took a couple of tries and quite some support from friends, but I did it.
Now a couple of years later I have befriended a girl who has been through a lot, just like me, we can really relate and she's kind (although shy), but she's not doing well in 'living on'.

She drinks a lot and I recognise a lot in her from myself when I abused alcohol like that, the only problem is: she uses the same excuses I did and is simply denying she has a problem.
I want to be a good friend, but it's also a bit frustrating and confronting.

Do any of you have advice on how to deal with this situation?
I'm worried about my friend and in secret, also that if our friendship continues to get closer (what can happen in time of course) her behavior might rub off on me again.
Alcoholism will always stick with you a little: I still cannot drink without strong social control (like: a social situation where it would be inappropriate to get drunk) or else I'll drink too much, I still have little control over that.
How can I be there for my friend who doesn't want to stop drinking (because she thinks drinking 2 bottles of liqor almost every day and sometimes drinking the hangover away again in the morning is "not having a problem, just making life easier"), without putting my own soberness at risk?

Thanks for thinking with me. :-)
Scarcollection Scarcollection
22-25, F
3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

Hi my beautiful friend. :) Just saw this because someone bumped it. I realize it was written awhile ago.
Anyhoo... as I've gotten older I have come to realize that being a friend simply means being there through it all. Yes, we want to help in every situation.. but if someone isn't ready to accept help- I believe they are entitled to their own path.. and failures.
I realize that doesn't help an addict who is friends with an addict. But hopefully it makes the addict stronger instead of weakening their desire to cave into it. Friends are people we choose, and care about and love- of course. But they aren't our children. We can only hold their hand and express our concerns but what they do with that is up to them.


Beautiful words lohla. ♥

From hard experience, I have to echo grasser's recommendation. Until and unless she decides... on her own... that she is going to change, you gamble everything for an opportunity to gain essentially nothing. Not that she and her friendship have no value, but in your particular circumstances, the value is marginal when compared to the risk.

As I'm sure you are already acutely aware, getting and staying sober requires making hard decisions. This is one of them. Godspeed.

Yeah, I know. I'm a bit passive (no intensive contact online, no real life contact) in our friendship now, untill I see progress in her situation, if not: I will stay passive.
It's harsh, but I can't just hang out with her while she opens a bottle and whenever she e-mails me when drunk, I'm ignoring here now.

I know it's difficult, but congratulations on yet another good decision. One at a time.

We have all been three, scarcollection, and know how hard it is to do what you know you must.

OverWritten summed it up well: risk everything to gain nothing.

Not the wisest course of action

Walk away from her.

You are placing yourself directly in harm's way.

She is like an out-of-control bus careering down the road toward you. Would you stand in the path of this bus?

Maybe if the bus had feelings that I can relate to and don't wish the bus would have?

You can not control what feelings the bus has, whereas you can control what you do with your own feelings.

Stay where you are and you will go down with her, as it does not sound as if she is ready to make the hard decisions.

Your call