Then And Now

I drank from an early age, by 16 I knew I had a problem with alcahol but just didn't understand what the problem was. Continued to drink all through my life and had several suiside attempts,always thought there was something wrong with me but another drink and problems disappeared. Hit my rock bottom aged 48,and got into rehab. Stayed there for 7 months. Thought that was the end of my problems, little did I know they were just beginning. After 6 months I began getting flashbacks from my childhood and was vomiting a lot. What came back in these flashbacks blew my whole life apart. Spent next 2 yrs attending phsycotherapy.16 months after that I was raped on turkey, back to therapy again. It's been over 2 years now and now all I get is medical problems, and think when will it all end. So just trying to cope with day to day living but find it difficult ad I feel I don't fit in anywhere. X
Lindyloo1 Lindyloo1
56-60, F
4 Responses Jan 19, 2013

This is the first time I'm going into print. I've watched myself go from a once a week binge drinker to abusing alcohol on a daily basis. I'm in a rut and don't know how to stop it. Maybe we can go on this journey of reclaiming our sobriety and happiness together. I hate who I am turning into but need to pull myself together for the sake of my young family.

Thank you for sharing. I think writing has been great therapy. Talking about what has happened and what we've done can be very liberating. Being honest with myself and others has given me nowhere to hide and has helped me be accountable. The memories are also a reminder for me to not drink. I hate them, but my past F' ups have helped me do one day at a time. Keep doing your best. That is all you can ask of yourself. :-)

Thanks for your support, I don't do meetings as I've found a lot of dishonest people in the rooms. But I'm getting by, and it's nice to know there are other people to chat to, thanks😃

You shouldn't go to meetings for others. You should go to those meetings to practice being honest with yourself. There was someone high on something during last night's meeting. I actually felt bad for her. It was a bit annoying but I realized she was lying to herself. So I told a story about my drinking I had never told anyone...and it really felt great because all I received were smiles. Just remember, you aren't there for them, but it does feel good to be there for people who need it, too. I think you will find the people who are dishonest won't last too long. Honesty is so vital. Good luck, LindyLoo! You have a fan in me!

I am sorry to hear you are in this tough position in life. Sadly, sometimes if we have the alcoholic gene; like I do, it almost takes over without you even knowing it. I don't drink since I got a DUI. On and off in my life I would drink to lessen any issues from my past. I am trying to deal with them face to face now and I write a lot. This site helps. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope you are doing ok. ng429