I Would Drink Until I Blacked Out

I would use alcohol to solve my problems and it worked for a long time but then it quit working and I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to die because I didn't know how to live without drinking and drinking was making me sick and tired all the time. I would wake up in the morning and wonder how I got home and what I did while I was out.
kiki4951 kiki4951
31-35, F
9 Responses May 27, 2007

i felt the same at times,i believe addiction is pure torture,to not be able to live without something so easily accessible.......i really hope things are better for you now


Please tell us how things are now

I got sick of too many mornings like that and stopped just over nine years ago.

I'm hoping you're doing better. I'm currently trying to recover form the same situation you had, it's difficult but I'm cofident things will get better.

I know the feeling, I would wake up at nite just to drink (vodka). I would crawl in my front door praying I would make it to my room. What a shame. I finally quit 1 1/2yrs ago. I am now happy. Finally!!!

i feel the same way, anxious guilty scared, cuz i don't know what i did i too busted my ribs and have no one to ask cuz i was drinking alone, easier that way in my house then i don't gotta drive, well anyway , then there bruises, i can't live like this anymore.. one day i ain't gonna wake..

Deecee I black out all the time from binge drinking I never remember what I've done. Very frighting

Deecee, I started that book but never got finish it. I could totally relate to that book too.<br />
<br />
I can totally relate to the black outs. It's indescribable how I felt when I woke up the next day. The abject mortification, fear, guilt and anxiety I would feel. I've been sober for a month now but knew for quite sometime things were out of hand but I really knew it when I'd wake up with not only bruises but serious pain on various parts of my body. I work up with debilitating pain in my rib the day after halloween. I didn't know what happened for a several days because I was too embarrassed to ask. I found out by someone casually mentioning it. Now i have a few glimpes of what happened and really wished i didn't.

I too would drink till I blacked out. Sometimes I was in blackout for a day. My last blackout, was when I came out of it, I woke up in a Black Power members bed. He had drug-raped me also. I was just in a pub, left my glass on bar while I was in the ladies room. He must have put something in it. Havn't had a drink since then. It was quite a while ago now, and Im scared to touch alcohol now, here's hoping, but I've said that before.

me too its great to quit though even though you miss it it opens up a whole new world.