Today I decided that it is time for me to honestly and genuinely start accepting the success in my life. I am someone who has always worked hard in an effort to overcome what I felt like were handicaps in my life. At the very same time I have always done everything in my power to avoid the attention that seems to go hand and hand with being successful and really exceeding expectations.

In my life up until this point it felt critical to keep my world small as a way of protecting myself and hiding the shame I carried. I have spent my life drowning in the shame of being an abuse survivor and an addict. I have kept my distance from the world out of fear of being found out and having to deal with the people who disregarded my ability for having such scars or who tried to exploit my suffering.

As I sit here now I am completely capable of explaining away every single accomplishment in my life, downplaying, negating, minimizing every single successful moment I have had and every single obstacle I have overcome.

No more.

I got very upset at work a few weeks ago and again today when my boss explained to me some upcoming things in my career. I got angry that I am going to be given two awards next week from top officials at my job. I got angry that I was nominated by the highest official possible to present my work in from of an audience of several thousand people next spring. I just wanted the success to go away.

As I drove home my mind pondered the insanity of my anger. There is no longer any reason to run from success. I am not at all ashamed of my past, or who I was, am, or will become as I continue to stay sober.

I am not some crushed victim drowning the pain with booze. I am a young woman who works her *** off at work because she loves her job, I am someone who is leaps and bounds ahead of anyone else at work after not quite 4 years, and I am someone who has earned every single bit of praise and attention I am currently receiving.

I won’t run away from success any more. It is not a matter of deserving it or feeling like I don’t deserve it because I have had struggles and imperfections in my life. I have done the work. I have earned my place.

I have plenty of upcoming successes to enjoy. Two awards next week, one year of sobriety is just 3 weeks away, and a presentation next spring, plus anything else I can earn along the way. I will always be gracious in my acceptance but I won’t minimize anything in any way!

I am a lot of things and ******* proud of myself is the newest one! ☺
Overwhelmed15 Overwhelmed15
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I'm so happy for you. It's so great to read this and you have gone so far. You are one of the strongest people in the world at this point. With everything you have been through it brings me joy that you are doing great. Love ya.

Glad you made it.....knew you could.....;-)

We are all proud of you !!! ..... you have come so far .... and there's so much more in the way of a sober and happy life ahead of you .... you go, girl !!

Bloody ******* hell!!!!
Where did this revelation come from?
Actually, that is not important, the new attitude is really healthy and positive.
I love it
Good on you