New LifeI was putting my coat on while watching Kerrang music channel. It was the 8th March 2007. I was being hurried and a video of 'MCR', 'I Don't Love You' came on, I hadn't seen it before and it made me stop in my tracks. I thought "Wow, doesn't Gerard look amazing" he was a former alcoholic and he was looking better now than I'd ever seen him.
For the next two days it was going around and around in my head how awful I looked and I decided that if he could do it so could I.
On the 11th of March 2007 was the first day of my new life without alcohol.
I was really depressed and didn't know what to do with myself. I had been drinking for 12 years and I suffered from depression anyway. My doctor put me on new anti depressants and medication to help me stay off the drink. I started drawing a lot so I could do something with my hands.
I managed six weeks with the help of a weekly councilor and my meds and a hell of a lot of will power.
I was navigating in a rally and while we were waiting for the cars to go out I met another alcoholic who was locally going to AA groups near me and the following Monday I went to my first AA meeting. I had gone six weeks without really wanting a drink but after this evening I would of committed murder for a drink. She told me this was normal until I got into the swing of things, so I carried on seeing my alcohol councilor and going to the AA meetings. After only three weeks of meetings I could cope no more. They were nice people who just wanted to sit around complaining how bad their lives were without the alcohol instead of looking to the future. I stopped going to the AA meetings as I knew that if I continued to go I would be back drinking in no time at all. Also they tried to drum the fact into me that if I touched the demon drink I was a flat out failure.
I managed for six weeks before I went to their silly meetings and I could do it again, even though due to other circumstances my alcohol councilor discharged me as we were under the impression I was getting a new key worker anyway.
Its been just over seven calender months and I still haven't had a drink of alcohol, through my choice.
I believe a recovering alcoholic is a person who has got their drinking back under control and if they please, can drink responsibly, without using it as a crutch to life, not denying themselves something that they obviously enjoyed at some point. I don't feel like I'm ready to put myself in that position yet, but I will never say I will never drink again, I just want to say that I never need to drink again.
My drawings of the person who gave me my life back.