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Oct 13th, 2007
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I
was putting my coat on while watching Kerrang music channel. It was the 8th March 2007. I was being hurried and a video of 'MCR', 'I Don't Love You' came on, I hadn't seen it before and it made me stop in my tracks. I thought "Wow, doesn't Gerard look amazing" he was a former alcoholic and he was looking better now than I'd ever seen him. For the next two days it was going around and around in my head how awful I looked and I decided that if he could do it so could I.
On the 11th of March 2007 was the first day of my new life without alcohol.
I was really depressed and didn't know what to do with myself. I had been drinking for 12 years and I suffered from depression anyway. My doctor put me on new anti depressants and medication to help me stay off the drink. I started drawing a lot so I could do something with my hands.
I managed six weeks with the help of a weekly councilor and my meds and a hell of a lot of will power.
I was navigating in a rally and while we were waiting for the cars to go out I met another alcoholic who was locally going to AA groups near me and the following Monday I went to my first AA meeting. I had gone six weeks without really wanting a drink but after this evening I would of committed murder for a drink. She told me this was normal until I got into the swing of things, so I carried on seeing my alcohol councilor and going to the AA meetings. After only three weeks of meetings I could cope no more. They were nice people who just wanted to sit around complaining how bad their lives were without the alcohol instead of looking to the future. I stopped going to the AA meetings as I knew that if I continued to go I would be back drinking in no time at all. Also they tried to drum the fact into me that if I touched the demon drink I was a flat out failure.
I managed for six weeks before I went to their silly meetings and I could do it again, even though due to other circumstances my alcohol councilor discharged me as we were under the impression I was getting a new key worker anyway.
Its been just over seven calender months and I still haven't had a drink of alcohol, through my choice.
I believe a recovering alcoholic is a person who has got their drinking back under control and if they please, can drink responsibly, without using it as a crutch to life, not denying themselves something that they obviously enjoyed at some point. I don't feel like I'm ready to put myself in that position yet, but I will never say I will never drink again, I just want to say that I never need to drink again.
My drawings of the person who gave me my life back.
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 Feeling sleepy  | Posted Oct 13th, 2007 at 10:41PM You may want to reconsider you opinion on what an alcoholic is. If you can drink successfully then you are not an alcoholic. And cheers to you it this is the case. All alcoholics, myself included, would become a retched mess if we drank again. Good luck to you.   |
 | Posted Oct 14th, 2007 at 7:03AM I believe everyone has a different idea about everything we do. If we are told to do the same as everyone else and we do it, then aren't we just sheep? I don't know if I will ever be able to drink 'responsibly' again. I'm certainly not ready to find out either. There is definitely a massive difference between someone who calls themselves an alcoholic 20 years after never drinking and someone who can start to put the past behind them and call themselves a recovering or recovered alcoholic. "If we had breast cancer and we were lucky enough to be cured, do we still say we 'have' breast cancer and spend every minuet of the day worrying about it or do we say we 'had' breast cancer and we are getting on with our lives." "If we were unlucky enough to become dependent on cocaine, go through rehab, get our life sorted out, get a good job, fantastic car, get married, have 2.2 kids and a beautiful home, are we still a cocaine addict???" I think Darlene needs to start looking into a beautiful future instead of living in her alcoholic past. I think you need the luck more than me. +3 nods |
 | Posted Feb 5th, 2008 at 4:10PM I so agree.. AA makes me want to drink!!! its like so self indulgent +2 nods |
| Posted Feb 18th, 2008 at 12:16PM I have had another 'run in' with the AA. After that it could of easily turned me back to the drink, its just a good job I'm stronger than the AA member thought I was. The AA in my view is a brainwashing cult that serves no actual good to anyone unless they want to be a sheep and play follow my leader. I'm disgusted in the 12 steps. If I don't have a higher power I'm a failure according the AA member who decided he was sponsoring me like it or not. I'M MY OWN HIGHER POWER, I'M A GODDESS, I'M NUMBER ONE and I'm still not drinking because I have found a new faith within myself to now be strong enough not to lean on alcohol or the depressing brainwashing AA. Don't tell me millions of people can't be wrong. Millions of people smoke does that make it right. People who give up alcohol should be given an informed choice about other methods aswell as the AA cult. DO NOT GIVE IN TO HERD CONFORMITY YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL WITH A RIGHT TO HAVE CHOICES DON'T LET LIFE PASS YOU BY, ITS A BEAUTIFUL WORLD OUT THERE +3 nods |
 | Posted Oct 17th, 2008 at 2:26PM Fallen Princess congrats on your sobriety. I know how tough 7 months can be. I myself got sober at 19 and its been a somewhat rocky road to happy destiny these past 19 years of sobriety. All I say is Keep it Simple and One Day At A Time. AA has been a godsend for me throughout my life. |
| Posted Oct 18th, 2008 at 4:30PM If AA works for someone then they are not wasting their time. I just hope everyone can find sobriety in which ever way they can and don't be disadvantaged or disillusioned by the AA. +4 nods |
 | Posted Oct 21st, 2008 at 6:01AM Well done for sharing the story and for your success and determination in battling this problem. The issue is something I am thinking a lot about, just now, because of what happened to an external temporary worker we had in the office, one day a week. He had been around for 3 years and, most of the time, seemed fine. But he disappeared one day, could not be found and never really explained what happened. When I was not around, he was once found slumped at a desk and could not easily be woken. Another time, he was discovered lying on the floor in the rest rooms. There was the mysterious broken arm. Then, I found him asleep and, when he woke, he was totally incoherent. Earlier in the year, he lost his 4 day a week job: tough, because his wife had lost hers. Then came the day when, back from vacation, he appeared perfectly normal and happy at 9.15 but, within half an hour, went out to his car. As we now know, he drank lots of vodka and spent 3 hours sleeping it off in the rest rooms. (Security said he had regularly gone to his car to drink what they had thought was water.) When confronted, he was hardly able to hold a conversation, begged me not to tell "my house" or "send him home" and said he had a drink problem, which he was working on with his wife. (The second part turned out not to be true.) At that point, someone who had had an alcoholic father said she knew he had a drink problem, from day one, but never mentioned it. Despite a lot of internal opposition, I fought to keep this guy, as did his agency: but we needed his commitment that he recognised he had a problem and would do something about it. There was a lot of concern about his driving, while drunk. We gave him weeks to come up with something. He never did. From a position where he said he had a problem, he regressed to saying that he did not feel there was anything wrong, was not going to seek outside help and told us and the agency he was going to call it quits. So, he pulled the plugs and left us all wondering what disaster would have to happen to shake him out of his self-denial. |
| Posted Oct 21st, 2008 at 6:53AM That is so sad, I do hope somewhere out there he is safe and hopefully finding some help. Its never a problem till you feel like you've lost control, it all depends when that happens. No one can force help on anyone no matter what the problem is, we just have to be there for our friends, pick up the pieces till they see that the drink is ruining their lives. There is NOTHING else we can do. |
 | Posted Apr 5th, 2009 at 3:04PM It does not help anyone to pick up the pieces after an alcoholic |
| Posted Apr 7th, 2009 at 8:05AM But if you love someone you'll pick up those pieces, if you want to or not, if its good for them or not, if its good for you or not. Sad huh! |
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