Wits End

D rinking began with me when I was 26 and in college. After drinking for about 6 mos, I started having black outs every single time I drank. To me, drinking was never about taste or having 2-3 drinks...it was about getting obliterated. After losing my job of 10 years, I continued to drink...eventually I was fired from 5 jobs after that for truancy issues b/c of hangovers. I still didn't stop. In one black out I punched a wall and broke my hand..still didn't stop...I lost the love of my life b/c I was over drinking, possessive and she couldn't take it. I continued drinking. Finally I passed out behind the wheel of my car and hit a sign and totalled my new car. I lost my job a month later from a drunken arguement with my boss. I found myself living with my parents, no car, no job. I was at my wits end...all I had left was me and my mind...I was losing that as well. I became suicidal, feeling I had nowhere to turn. It was like being trapped on a little island in the ocean. I ended up doing a 48 hour stint in the nut house b/c I got drunk and threatened suicide. I came out of there and realized that all I had left was my mind and I was losing that to alcohol. I started reading the big book and attending meetings..and out of nowhere I started to see what a higher power was...I began to think outside the box, and not all about me. Alcohol is the most selfish disease I can think of...eventually I started to see what "into action" meant...b/c everytime I went to a meeting I was talking and helping others. Life is so great now...alcohol is not a friend..it is a demon possessing your life. I hope no one has to go thru what I have before they hit bottom.