A Little Lost...

I am 40 years old. I first struggled with anorexia when I was 19. I responded well to treatment and was stable until I relapsed at 25 years. With the help of a therapist, I pulled myself up once again. I never went inpatient. Shortly thereafter was a time of transition for me, and I was able to embrace many changes in my life in a positive manner. My self-confidence grew and I became more assertive, despite developing chronic pain following a traumatic fall at the age of 26. My weight was stable and I overcame a lot of my body image difficulties. I thought I was "cured".

Over the past 15 years, my pain issues have resulted in losses in many areas of my life. I had to give up running, something that really helped to "save me" from the eating disorder. Then I had to give up biking...then swimming...then knitting. About two years ago, I had to give up lifting weights, an activity that I started about 9 months prior. I had gained weight (both muscle and fat) during this process. (It was not unusual for me to weigh a little more when I was exercising more, as I felt better about myself and it increased my appetite.) So, knowing I had to give up lifting weights, not being at all happy about it, and being a little bit heavier than my norm, I thought I would lose about 5 pounds. Well, 5 turned into 20. My weight was underweight but not too low - my career would have seriously suffered and that was not something that I was willing to risk. 

I've gained about 5 pounds but I am having difficulty. I feel fat. I don't know anyone who is in a similar situation and feel alone.
flyrandom flyrandom
41-45
Dec 15, 2012