After 14 Yrs Of Co-dependency....

My co-dependency has led me to loose everything and everybody I use to have around me. My husband has always battled with substance abuse and I always dreamed of saving him from the streets and his friends. I lived my whole life trying to build a dream life for him to want to change and be more present in our lives and luckily I did...for a while...after all, it only took me 7 years, 3 relocations and lots and lots of tears along the way. I lost all my relationships, including those dearest to my mother. Well after a while I was so bitter and lonely that I became the abuser and making my husband feel useless was my high...little I knew it was all part of the "co-dependency cicle". I've put my family (including my 3 boys) thru husband gave in to his weakness and lost himself in hard drugs. For the past 3 years our family has been thru the aftermath of all that. I lost myself when he left, I lost my job, our home, my car...everything I let go, cause all could think of was recuperating my husband back. I really didn't know what that really meant.
Well it's a story..that's for's a story that includes drugs,cheating, hunger, abuse and jail. Yep..1 yr ago I made the hardest desicion I could have made, I called the cops on my husband and got a restraining order against him. I cried, lost his family support and since I already had crushed any relationship with my sisters and parents...I was completely alone.
Now I understand that everything happens for a husband spent 7 months in jail. 8 months without his children and had to undergo several sicological treatments. Today he is a recovering addict and I am a recovering co-dependent, why do I say that? Simple, I have loved that man since I was 15y.o,that I can't deny, but today I love myself more. He wants to be a part of our daily life and has been supporting us in every way possible for the past 3 months. I wont lie, im scared...scared of getting hurt again, hurting the boys again, but I am also scared of not giving him another chance now that he is clean and has been clean for so long. My sister is upset, my friends don't even know and I feel embarrased of even thinking of the idea of telling them that I am giving that "monster" another chance.
All I can think about and make desicions for is me, the difference is that now I know what a healthy relationship is suppose to be like, so with that in hand and always trusting not to do what I dont feel confortable doing I now find hope. So even dough my family and friends do not comprehend how or why, all I know is that everybody desearves forgiveness as long as you never put anybody before yourself....
sandylo sandylo
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 2, 2010

In deed I have...that book was the one that started it all for me, I have read it several times and then passed out to a loved friend. I know my strengths and weaknesses now and I have become much stronger. I reach out to other women in need and try my best to lend a hand when possible to keep myself giving in a healthy way.....after all, there were many good people that were good to me in a time of need. I appreciate you stopping by my world and hope the very best to you, thank you!!

I would like to be friends, if you would like to. i would like to talk with someone who understands and support each other.

Hope all is going well for you. Have you read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie? If not, it's good stuff! Good Luck!