Help! I Am Co-dependent, They Say!

Gosh! Where to start... I grew up in a household that consisted of a father who was a drunk and abusive to my mother. I have two younger sisters. Mom put up with it after leaving maaannyy times! and they are still together. We had to watch and hear things that young children should not have to. I grew up to become a drunk myself with anger and anxiety problems....until I got married and had two beautiful sons. Everything was "fine" until they grew up on me! Then I went crazy. For many years I was a mom and wife with a relationship with Jesus, a teacher... then one weekend that ended. I went on a weekend trip with a friend from church. And ended up meeting a very young man. I started drinking soon afterwards. And had an affair with him... which six years and a divorce later, is still going on! This is when I discovered, by one of many therapists, that i have a co dependent personality. I am obsessed with this man! I gave up my marriage of 22 years... the respect of family and friends...a close relationship with God...i don't know what to do! i feel bi-polar! i can't get him outta my life. over the last several years we would try to break it, but one of us always came back. he uses me. it is very unhealthy but i cannot seem to get him outta my brain! seriously i feel like i am going insane! i am doing things that i would never ever think i would!
help!! can anybody relate???!!
berlylouc berlylouc
46-50, F
Apr 12, 2012