I Am a Recovering Co-dependent
I was adopted into a family where there was alcohol...my father is an alcoholic. We spend years moving from one place to another because he would always drink on the job and then lose it.
After a series of event at the age of 45 I finally came to the conclusion that I was abused as a child by my mother. I suffer from a few types of child abuse..enmeshment, emotional neglect and abuse and being a parentified child are the major ones. And these were all inflicted upon me because I took the role of the enabler in our family...That was the role that was thrust upon me. I had to be there to support everyone else and what they wanted and was not allowed to do what I wanted.
As early as 4 I remember not being allowed to stand up for myself against my brother. I had to "put up" with this bulllying because my mother refused to tell him to stop. At 12 my mother demanded that I talk to my dad to try and get him to stop drinking. Even after I said I didn't want to do it, my mother told me I had to. At 10 I was left to deal with a high fever when I should have been in bed. When my mother finally decided that she would call the doctor, he came and wanted to put me in the hospital immediately....My fever was so high my blood was getting ready to disintegrate.
Those are just a few of the stories and they continue on. There was no support what so ever AND I had to dismiss my feelings and help everyone else with what they wanted regardless of whether it was right for me.
I am doing much better now but one of the reasons for that is because I have only spoken to my mother once since the beginning of the year...And that was not a good phone call. She refused to accept she had hurt me over Christmas.
It is hard not to fall back into old habits....It is a struggle but, the happiness you get from acting on your feelings and not what other people want is well worth the effort.
If anyone has had a similar experience and is now in the process of learning how to believe that they count, how to listen to themselves and make deicisions that makes themselves happy in addition to others, drop me a line...We can share what we have learned!