Never Ending

Three years ago I met robert, he was the bad boy. He drank a lot, smoked everything, and did whatever he wanted. For some reason I wanted to help him, I thought that he wanted to be helped. We started dating and things were great, well they seemed great. He had complete control over me, he cheated I stayed with him, he lied I brushed it off, He stole from me I gave him more. I was willing to do anything for him, its sad I even did all of his class work so that he would get his diploma. I gave him everything, in the three years we were together. Now, we have been appart for almost a year, and I can't stop thinking about him. I hate myself for loving him, I don't want to cry anymore. I feel pathetic and I feel like I will never stop feeling this way. I don't know how to move on, I don't want to seek another man for the wrong reasons, but I feel like robert is the only one who could love me. I know I am a co-dependent, but I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to be happy without pleasing others or looking out for someone. I can't make myself happy just for me. 
Hawaii2015 Hawaii2015
18-21, F
Jun 8, 2012