Day one (detox)

Day One:
How I changed within those 5 days:
It all started when I sentenced myself to a 30 day program. First was a 5 day detox program. April 10th 1 pm is when I was summonsed. My parents had set up a bag of clothes and snacks for me to be more confortable at the 5 day detox.

The 5 day detox was nothing like I thought it to be. It was a institionalized place where most people have to served time instead of jail for DUIs. When I arrived at the detox I was so relivied to be getting this monkey off my back. I felt so postive about my decision todo the 30 day program I posted it for the world to see. I told all my old buddies to **** off. I was ready for the change.

I was greeted by a big black woman with a southern accent. Hello you must be 1 o”clock. Yes im one o clock I replied. Well come in and make sure to be ready for the search. All patients must be searched before they go into their beds. Great I thought, no one will have drugs and I will have no teptations. I handed over my cell phone and wallet and let one of the grunts their search me and my bags.

Now I was in. I had to complete this 5 days if I even wanted to go into the 30 day program. I was a prisoner of opiates and now felt like detox would free me. I came in and made friends real fast. Ofcourse their were idiots trying to make conections on any drugs they could get their hands on, but mostly they were drunks that had gotten DUIs and now were court issued. The only other type of person was the about to be homeless and the homeless.

I fit right in though, talking about my addictions and how far down it took me. I was now a pin cusion, if you saw me on the street you’d think I was attacked by a porkeypine. I was a mess, I had let opiates take atleast 3 years of my life, and the good years of early 20s even. I was mad. I couldnt stay mad at the time wasted though I had to be positive and just look forward.

First days of detox were a breeze, I knew what I had to get done and do it. Not to mention whatever drugs the place gave me making it easier to detox. I was so relieved to be freed of the evils of opiates and all drugs. I was good all the way till the last day. I hadn’t slept for two days but I still tried to stay positive. Untill two hours before I had to go in to the 30 day program.

I started to feel traped within my addiction. I was free from the direct hold of the drug but wasn’t free from the addiction. So as I looked at the 30 day program I thought to myself, isn’t this just institionalized inprisonment. I started to feel traped I asked if I could just walk around the block and they ofcourse thought I was just trying to cope drugs.

I ran I decided at first if I was going to be inproisoned it might as well be by my own device. So I ran as far as I could to get away from the place I started to feel traped in. It was ironic that the place I first felt so happy to be freeing me now felt like a prison itself. The 30 day program now felt like a jail sentence that I had to get out of. I left and promised myself to never inprison myself with any drugs or programs. My fear of the program is my driving force. If I have to be a prisoner to my addiction for the rest of my left its going to be on my terms. I needed help but half my battle was over at the end of the detox and the other half was ready to begin.
ninmike ninmike
22-25, M
2 Responses May 21, 2012

No one has any business judging you at any meeting.Just keep going, even if you're loaded, but try to clean up also.<br />
Addiction has no skin colour , nor has NA.<br />
You have every right to be there n 'only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using(drugs)' n only you can decide whether you have the desire, no one else.<br />
It's for saving your own life so be thick-skinned , ignore any jibes, and stick to meetings n you'll become a great,clean member of NA.<br />
Love n Hugs

Don't have to be a prisoner any more. Please come to NA meetings.<br />
I was a prisoner to heroin for 20 years n I got free n living happily for 5 yrs now.<br />
Log into www(dot)NA(dot)org and find out a helpline in your town/city.<br />
Talk to them n go to a meeting.It's 1 hr , non-coercive n recovery from imprisonment is possible.<br />
Please message me if you have any questions.<br />
Love n Hugs

I have gone to many N.A meetings in the last year on my own accord. I was using at the time so they were very judgemental. I live in this very white suburb area next to tacoma, wa. so i think that was my main mistake.