Oh Baby - Stimulate Me

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q.. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A.. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs..

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ...

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )


Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

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2 Responses Sep 27, 2011

So this thing is like a tax break after the fact, right? I thought Republicans liked tax breaks. They should be all over this.<br />
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I am a localvore, meaning I pretty much consume or use what has been grown or raised within 100 miles of me, I try to keep that down to 50 miles, but I have my weaknesses, like coffee, that I buy free trade at least. Both my cars and two of my bikes are foreign, but at least I don't use much gas in them...which is also probably foreign. <br />
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Say did you hear that the military is trying to move to bio-fuel jets?

LOL, may I suggest that you use that money to buy local and sustainable produce from the farmer guy in your neighborhood or at least at the local CSA? Pampers are also made in the USA...so if you have a small child, you could totally be buying those, although it is more cost effective and greener to use cloth.