Yes I Am

I saw this experience and I knew right of way it was created for me.

Back in college I grew really close to this young woman.  It was one of those relationships that didn't click immediately but once it did, it was one of those things where you thought how in the world did I get this far in my life not knowing this person.  We became close confidents, rarely more than a few hours going by where we didn't seek out each other just to hang out and do something, whether that be studying in the library or watching a video on a Friday night. 

As close as we were though, we maintained that relationship at a friendship level.  However my feelings for her were growing and if she knew this, she never let on. 

Finally though I had to know what future I might have with this woman, so one night in one of our never ending talks and being anxious of what the answer might be, I broached the subject.  This young lady who come to know me so well, knew immediately where the talk was heading. 

First she started laughing, but she wasn't laughing at me, but that nervous laugh I had come to know about her.  She tried to tell me something but couldn't, then the tears started.  I thought I was in a heap of trouble, that my friendship with her was about to end because I was ruining everything by wanting something more from her.

She left the room and several minutes passed.  I was left there wondering what to do next, should I leave, should I stay.  I was thinking of leaving and making contact with her later on, telling her it was a mistake that I brought it up, I was sorry, that her friendship meant the world to me and I wouldn't ruin that for anything.

But before I could leave, she did come back into the room, she had managed to compose herself a little bit.  She took my hand and led me to the sofa, where again I grew anxious of what was about to happen.  It seemed like several minutes passed as we sat there in silence, us glancing at one another seemingly wanting the other to speak first.

Finally it was her that said something, or did something as she put her arms around my neck, like she often did. and drew me in close to her and like she always did touched her forehead against mine.  Tears were coming to her eyes again and the anxiety level in me was rising.  Then she started to speak, but unfortunately for me, they weren't the words I wanted to hear. 

In the end I knew what she was saying was true, she had always been by far the wiser of the two of us, but it still hurt.  We talked for a long time that night, her comforting me, me comforting her, just like we always did when one of us had a crisis, but this time the crisis was us. 

Before I left that night, heartbroken but consoled, she once again came up to me, once again put her arms around my neck, but this time gave me a small kiss, the only kiss we would ever share, and said through a teary smile, "You're such a romantic idiot."   The end to this story is we did remain friends, I think on one level we became even closer and remained that way until she transferred to another school where eventually we drifted apart. 

Today I smile about that bittersweet memory and when I saw this group I thought it was made for a guy like me, I did have a story to go with it.
ChevyVan ChevyVan
46-50, M
May 25, 2012