Frightened....

and yet this only pleases and intrigues me even more. Indeed, I am a sadomasochist but, as you may find, I seem to be more of a Sadist. Don't get me wrong, there are times I love pain but I am very particular as to what type of pain and how it is inflicted upon me and perhaps that is because of my need and want for control.

I do however, find more enjoyment and yes, pleasure from causing or the thought of causing others pain. Never before have I stepped over any limits within consensual relations but I fear that I am being held back from my Sadistic nature and therefore I am never truly and completely pleased.

There are many movies that please me immensely but never before until now, had I confessed to this. Most people would be horrified if I admitted these movies don't disgust or horrify me as they do to them. I could list many but a few in particular would be:

"Grotesque" an Asian film of a man who kidnaps a male and a female and sexually and physically tortures them and in the end, kills them.

"Old Boy" is a Korean film of a man who is kidnapped and held captive for 15 years and is then released. As the movie goes on it explains why this kidnapping took place. It involves ****** (which I don't condone) and a rather "graphic" scene of a man cutting out his own tongue.

Last but not least is "Salo or 120 Days of Sodom" which is a French film that had been banned in some countries because of its contents. It is based on Marquis De Sade's writing 120 Days of Sodom. I will not go into great detail but will warn that it involves rape, torture, and murder and of course though the actors are "of age" the victims are portrayed to be between the ages of 12 and 17. Again I do not condone anything underage, had the characters been older it would have pleased me all the more, it wasn't the age that got me, the acts and stories were what captured me.

To continue on with me, I find myself imagining some of the most "horrific" scenes and often writing them down. I will not say that these fantasies are longings, then again they might be. I will simply say that they do please me in oh so many ways and as I had said before, frighten me as well. I can embrace and not feel ashamed of my more "simple" pleasures of pain and torture but as for the extreme, what is to become of them, nothing more than images in my mind or letters upon paper?

To delve just a little further into my mind and...desires if you will...some may argue that to be a "true" Sadist one must not and cannot feel empathy but I beg to differ. I do have empathy and a conscience but this, at least to me, intrigues me all the more and even heightens my sensations. What could be better, in my mind, than to fulfill both my Sadistic and Masochistic pleasures by inflicting pain on a person (Sadistic) and feeling pain, guilt, disgust because of the acts I committed (Masochistic)? Therefore, I propose that, from my experience and pleasurable journey's within my mind, that a Sadomasochist like myself does not have to have a lack of anything.

I digress. I will end my story now and thank you for your time and perhaps it will please me at another time to provide you with more insight and perhaps even details of what goes on in my Sadomasochistic mind.
lustforpain lustforpain
26-30, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

A very interesting take on empathy. I like that you live vicariously through your subject. Double your pleasure!! This is a very enlightened view on suffering.