Tale of a Lonely Heart

Once upon a time there lived a lovely, yet very lonely, broken-hearted little girl. She had green eyes that sparkled when she smiled and red hair to match her feisty attitude. But the one thing that set her apart from all the other pretty faces was her heart. You see for several years this girl was searching desperately for one thing, or at least searching for proof of its existence. The one thing she had always believed to be the greatest treasure of all, love.

From the day this girl was born she was taught that there is good in everyone, people just need love. Good eventually prevails and people always start out with the best of intentions. She continued believing these beautiful fantasies until her sixteenth year. The year was like a loss of innocence for her, like being force-fed the forbidden fruit. Almost like the wool was violently ripped from over her eyes.

Gradually she began noticing that the skies were greyer than she remembered, and friends were a little more secretive than before. Her life was slowly appearing to be a lie. Frantically she reached out to grasp a hand to hold, only to discover that she was completely alone. Those closest to her were too busy, or had chosen to pursue earthly thrills and deceit, betraying her for temporary highs. All she had wanted was love and acceptance. The vivid colors of her wonderful world melted from her photographs and turned to dull black and grey.

Instead of beauty, this frightened little girl saw only pain, hate, greed, lust, deception and suffering. Tears streamed steadily from her eyes and even from the cracks in her broken heart. Slowly the worlds' cast of evil began to seep into the easily influenced girl's mind. Her hair grew more intense red with the pain she endured each day; her sparkly green eyes darkened to conceal the mistrust and hurt she had inside. However, the evil could not penetrate the little girl's heart, for her morals remained unaltered. No matter what misfortune came upon that lonely girl she could not accept that something as pure, wonderful and yearned for as love, was a lie. Not everyone had only hate, not everyone was only self-seeking, not everyone told only lies. There had to be other lonely hearts searching for the same thing she was. Others, who know, no matter how bad the circumstances seemed, knew there was always hope. Someone who realized the self-medication only goes far enough to temporary numb, not heal, the pain inside. Someone who, like the teary-eyed, confused little girl, wanted to find unconditional love. The love that never judges, only accepts, is never self-seeking and rejoices in an others happiness.

The girl remembered the story of Pandora and her box. What most people forget about this fable is, after all the pain and evil escaped from the box, there was still hope left at the bottom. Hope for a bright and multi-colored future. Hope to love and be loved. Hope for her heart to mend and for the aching loneliness to slowly fade away.

A year or two later...

Deep inside her shell, the lonely little girl with the once sparkly green eyes is still hurting. Again and again she allows love to throw her heart back at her. The strand of hope she had once grasped so firmly is beginning to fray, and soon will break. It is becoming apparent that unconditional love, like all the other childhood fantasies, is also a lie. The broken-hearted girl thought to herself, "What’s the downside of death if living hurts this bad? Why does happiness seem within grasp, only to be unreachable in the end?"

The scared little girl's green eyes overflowed with tears. She thought in agony of the joy she once believed love would bring her. In turn it only made her feel desperation and sadness. The little girl looked at the sky above her. Dark clouds were forming soon the sky would also cry out its rain on the world. She whispered a prayer as a frantic last hope, "God please show me the answer, my missing piece. I now know I cannot do this on my own." The lonely little broken-hearted little girl is me; and I have finally found my answer.

The ironic thing is, I believe now that I will find the love I want once I stop looking it. Destiny will find its way to me. It may be in one of the most unlikely of places, at the most unlikely of times. But I know that when it happens; all of the pieces of my broken heart will find their place; and I will actually feel like I am whole. I will no longer feel like I have a missing piece. Maybe God is putting me thru all the pain I have endured so I will better appreciate the only one worth giving my entire heart to; the only one who will not break it. Or maybe the real secret is I must first learn to love myself before I can truly love and be loved by another.
brightergreen brightergreen
4 Responses May 11, 2009

Love is not a lie, child. It can be hard to find, but I promise you it is real. It will find you

...thats a very touching story, as it can relate to many. You dont have to be alone, u need time. If u say u dont have enough time, then the little thread of hope, try to make it stronger. The things that happened in ure life made u doubt everything that was taught to u at birth. You are welcomed in and i feel for the pain u have felt and are still feeling. i will be here willing to listen...^^...

Choices has mentioned some very good things, in my opinion. Not only hard work, even just working with you hands will lead to creating, and in creation, there is love. Love yourself. Love who you are. I hated how sensitive I was until I learned to appreciate that a sensitive person is typically kind, generous, and loving. All the things I thought were flaws in myself were actually admirable traits. I hope you can find this in yourself. It is possible to leave the shadows and live in the sun. There's nothing wrong with you, you're not the problem. I'm saying these words to you in hopes that you feel the same relief from them that I did, the first time someone told me there was nothing wrong with me. I wish you all the best. You're so wise to know already that self-medication isn't the answer. You're so far along the path. Please go a few more steps.... you're fine just as your are. Please read the Desiderata at: http://www.fleurdelis.com/desiderata.htm<br />
It always calms me, maybe it will be meaningful for you? You have friends here. You're okay just as you are<br />
Look! It's a new day and you belong in it. You fit. You're another star.