Shocking Discovery

My husband was married before he married me. This I knew. He said they had been together eight years but they got divorced when she couldn't have kids. I believed this story for a year after we got married. One day, I was cleaning the house, when a woman showed up at my doorstep. She said she was there to see her husband. I thought she had the wrong address, until she looked past me and saw my husband. SHe called him by his name. I thought then that she must be the ex wife and that she had slipped up by calling him her husband. They talked privately for a few moments, leaving me trying to figure out what was going on. I could make out through the wall that she needed money, and he gave it to her. I thought this was kind of him, to help his ex wife when she had family who could do the same.

After talking to my friend, I mentioned the incident to her. After calling her the "ex wife" my friend corrected me. "She is his wife." she told me. I was shocked. Rizwan had told me they divorced, but he had kept her all along. In islam, men are allowed to take multiple wives, so i could not challenge him. if anything, I was the intruder, because i was the second wife. If she voiced an opposition to me, he could leave me.

Although i was the second wife, i found i had a higher status..because she could not have children, people did not respect her as much, because this was what she needed to do. i had children, and that made me rizwan's preferred wife in the eyes of the public. i think he loved the first one more though, but because she could not give children, he married me. he took another wife after me, but she would not entertain him and they soon fell out. he never divorced any of us though, so he has 3 wives now.

at one point, he mentioned the idea of me giving her one of my children to raise, but he never mentioned it again. i would not have done it anyway. my experience as a second wife was not bad, but it hurt when he paid her more attention than me.
rasia1 rasia1
56-60
2 Responses Jan 9, 2013

it is quite the opposite to me but the only semi-similar experience i can find here. me and him were friends fell in love and he agreed to get married. so we have been in a relationship for three years now, and in january he told me his wife was 6 mths pregnant. my whole world came crumbling down as hed always made me believe that they stayed together for the sake of the other 4 kids and her reputation in the community. I willl probably never be able to have kids so it hurt me even more. and only weeks before we had a conversation about how "friends with benefits" never worked because there would be emotions involved and that sex is about a spiritual connection and trust and affection and respect. so it makes me feel sick to the core to know hes been shagging her all the time. I love him to bits but i cant stop hating his first wife, her baby, her other kids, and his whole family. I hate them so much it makes me sick

Asalaamu alaykum. I was also unaware my husband had a wife when I married him. I never wanted to live in polygyny and when I found out about her, I was heartbroken. I chose to stay anyway because of a number of things, but mostly because I was tired of falling down and having to start over. Plus, she was in Egypt, far away from me. Then, I became more serious about my Islam (1 year into my Islam and my marriage) and felt it was wrong of him to leave her in Egypt and just send money. So I (and she and his mother and children) convinced him to move back to Egypt. We have been here a year now and it has been hell. Bar none, the hardest experience of my life. Check out my blog www.kaighla-americanmuslimah.blogspot.com