I've Learned To Hate Myself

I say I learned it because I did, from straight guys. By definition, that makes me a masochist. Either way, I accept my self-hatred and I think most other homosexual men should, too. The fact is, I engage in anonymous oral and anal sex and, if you look at it from the point of view of family-values straight men, that's unbelievably disgusting, sickening even.  But it's what I was born to do.  I don't think of myself as "gay," or as a "queen," I don't fit those categories.  I think of myself  as a ***, the way straight men might see me.  It makes it much easier to ********** that way. I can't control the identity other people give me, so I own it best I can. I wonder if other gay men have done it the same way.

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4 Responses Mar 3, 2010

I am also a masochist. I do accept my self-hatred and agree that all homosexual men should too, because being a homosexual really makes you less of a man. I also engage in anonymous oral and anal sex and it is filthy and disgusting as well as perverted and wrong and it is completely unnatural for two men to have sex with each other. I also think of myself as a ****** and it does make it much easier to ********** knowing that I am this way. So I completely agree with you and wish you were in Asheville, NC so we could indulge in our perversion together.

i get both of you : )

You are a piece of work. Enjoy you're pathos, more power to you. I have accepted the fact that there were black confederate soldiers so i can deal, just don't spread you self loathing to any other fools. I rebuke you, in the name of Jesus!

I'm a Pk that has went celibate twice while trying to go straight in the church. That was a total dead end, that taught me that I was born of god, gay. Since then I have come to not only accept myself as gay but to celebrate it. I was so much happier the minute I became true to myself. Then 20 years ago I met the man of my dreams and we have been together ever since. What you say is disturbing on several levels. You need to learn to accept yourself and be proud of who you are, the world is full of courageous heroic gay men and women that have made the world a better place, including a Prussian prince that save The Continental Army for Washington, w/o which there would be no United States of America, you can find that and other gay heroes in Randy Shilts book; "Conduct Unbecoming" . You nor I owe straight homophobic men or anyone any apology for being who we are. They represent a dying set of bigots, that history is disposing of. Stop letting anyone define who you are, except you, that is the definition of growing up.