I Just Cut Myself

Its actually been about 6 or 7 months since I last cut. Of course every time I get stressed/feel suicidal/hate on myself/do something I regret, I've wanted to, but I didn't. This time I just sat and cut. Not a single tear, not before, during or after. It felt good. I'm not sure how many there are yet, cause it's about 11pm and I did it in the dark, and now I'm going to bed. Anyone who plans on cutting, I'd say don't but I wouldn't change your mind, just don't do it in the dark. This is the second time I have, and for anyone who does it for control (not me), you won't feel any. Anyway, I'll count and wash it a bit in the morning.. Happy ******* Easter :D. Anyone who's wondering, I'm 13 and I've been a self injured since 5th grade (10 years old). I did it on my upper thigh with a razor I broke. I used to use a little, crappy pencil sharpener that I took the razor out of. I've never used a knife, but I have used staples, paper clips, and a bobby pin that I took the plastic off of. I've also used my nails, and I used to give myself bruises. I haven't tried burning, although, I have thought about trying it... I'm trying to think of some other stuff about it. I used to cut my hip so there was no chance anyone would see it, then I cut my wrists very close to my hand so my bracelets would cover them, then thighs, then my shoulder seemed to work the best for me. But it's almost summer, which means I was stupid to do my thigh, unless I call get better swimming shorts. My hip was way to sensitive; and by that I mean I couldn't go as deep as I wanted to, but I haven't tried recently. I've never don't shapes or words except for one time when I wrote "useless" from my hip onto my butt. You can only see a little bit of the last s's and the first e. Most of the scars are fading, but you can see them all from a certain angle.. When I was cutting my wrist, I cut very close together and overlapping so I could hide it; so there's just a dark rectangle instead of individual scars. My shoulder seems the most visible as individuals, then my thigh (don't know how this time's will turn out), and my hip seemed to heal pretty fast. Any questions or if you need to talk, message me. I'm here. But right now I need sleep, I'm exhausted.
SupportTheDragonflies SupportTheDragonflies
1 Response Apr 7, 2012

1 question.Are you depress?Because it seems to me that you have a major depression.What makes you cut yourself?You need a help.Get a support group.Channel your emotions in a good ways.Not all scars will fade.What if one day,you cut too deep?Think about that.What you're going through will end soon.Trust me.

I don't want help. And usually when I cut I want to die, so cutting too deep isn't a big fear of mine. Thanks though.

Why do you even wanna die?

I want to die for a few reasons.. I'm ugly and fat, I can't trust anyone, I don't believe anyone truly loves me, I have nothing, I'm not good at school, with the people or the work, there's not much for me to live for but my cats and my boyfriend (like I said I don't believe he loves me anyway, but I think he used to, and I fell in love with him in that time, and sometimes I like to pretend he still loves me).