Wish I Had The Power To Stop
I wrote a story in the i am a cutter group but i do more then just cut. and i know that i should stop but i just get these horrible urges to do it more, if i resist.
I bash my head in the wall when im trying not to take a knife into my arm it gives me a headache but at least i dont cut right. i usually take something like a knife handle or sumthing that can give me a bruise abnd bang it on my leg until i get one. i wish i didnt i hate how that wen i cry its not enough, tears are a form of weakness i was always told so when i cry i want to not feel, i hate the way i feel so i hurt myself. its usually my arms they are all covered in scars and my 12 year old cousin saw them and instantly knew..im not sure how..
Oh i wish i could stop doing this to myself, sometimes ill get so upset and ill reach for one of my 3 scissors in my room and ill claw at my arm until it bleeds...dont judge me...i dont no how to handle my emotions, no one knows i do it except my best friend, everyone else , knows im clumsy so i just tell them i fell..they believe me.. the other day i took a lighter to my arm and burned it, i hated the smell but i didnt feel like crying anymore i just felt the after sting of the burn....