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Wish I Had The Power To Stop

I wrote a story in the i am a cutter group but i do more then just cut. and i know that i should stop but i just get these horrible urges to do it more, if i resist.

I bash my head in the wall when im trying not to take a knife into my arm it gives me a headache but at least i dont cut right. i usually take something like a knife handle or sumthing that can give me a bruise abnd bang it on my leg until i get one. i wish i didnt i hate how that wen i cry its not enough, tears are a form of weakness i was always told so when i cry i want to not feel, i hate the way i feel so i hurt myself. its usually my arms they are all covered in scars and my 12 year old cousin saw them and instantly knew..im not sure how..

Oh i wish i could stop doing this to myself, sometimes ill get so upset and ill reach for one of my 3 scissors in my room and ill claw at my arm until it bleeds...dont judge me...i dont no how to handle my emotions, no one knows i do it except my best friend, everyone else , knows im clumsy so i just tell them i fell..they believe me.. the other day i took a lighter to my arm and burned it, i hated the smell but i didnt feel like crying anymore i just felt the after sting of the burn....

CaliGurl2007 CaliGurl2007 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 2, 2010

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Just know this, you are not alone. I get to the point where if I don't have razors I will hit myself. It usually isn't enough, but its better than nothing.

Sorry to hear this from all you folks. But try to go deep down into you and see what is the thing that is urging you to hurt yourself....some long ago guilt perhaps? Then pray to the God of your being born to heal of this urge. Thank HIM for the life He has given you and that you should not waste it by hurting yourself. Pray especially for life.....and the Giver of Life will definitely bless you.

yea, i know what you mean, thats almost the same thing i told someone else in this group, i cnt give advice if i still do it too lol..thats ok just thanks for reading