30q.

1. How long have you been self-harming ? Discuss why you started

I was about 12 that's about 7-8 years. I blamed myself for my mothers cancer. She gets a skin condition from stress and has UV treatment for it. This have her skin cancer. I blamed myself and thought I deserved to hurt for her.

2. What part of your body is most affected by it?

My left arm.

3. What is your motivation to recover?

I don't want to feel this feeling of depression and shame anymore.

4. Do you consider yourself “addicted”? why or why not?

Addicted? Yes. I've felt the need, the urge, it's overwhelming. If I can't think of a reason not to nothing will stop me.

5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?

Hiding myself away.

6. What about it do you enjoy?

The blood. The pain. The moment when I forget everything. I stop crying and hurting inside and just focus solely on the pain. At that moment I'm in peace. At that moment, I'm alive.

7)7. List 10 activities that help you calm down.

-music
-sex
-cuddling
-being around friends
-reading
-gaming
-crying
-cutting
-sitting alone outside
-laying on grass

8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?

I shouldn't be ashamed. I'm still beautiful. We'll get through it together. If i want to cut he will be there for me and be the reason not to.

9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss

No. It's not something I would want people to see.

10. How do you feel about your scars?

Ashamed. They are ugly. Each show how I was never, am never, strong enough to hold on.

11. Strangest place (school, park, etc)

Either the girls bathroom in school; or my mates kitchen.

12. Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)

I keep blades between my phone and phone case so I have it on me at all times.

13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you’ve ever had?

That it's not an acceptable way to deal and society will never accept me.

14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?

A few of my closest friends and a boy I am involved with.

15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?

I've looked at like nhs recovery and help pages. And this one.

16. What advice would you give to someone about self harm?

There's is a better way to deal. There is help for everyone.

17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves?

I know people who used to. They do not anyone.

18. Write a letter to the future (recovered) you.

To me...

They told you so. Don't be ashamed anymore. One day we will make it to the city. And recreate ourself.

19)19. List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it

-happiness.
-I can move on.
-I won't carry the secret anymore.
-I can let go of the shame.
-I can be confidant again.

20. What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm.

Cutting when I was drunk. It felt like I could just keep on going and going... I felt infinite.

21. Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?

I had stopped for a while as my boyfriend threatened to dump me
If I did it. This time I'm seeing someone else and instead they are supporting me. I also have been seeking professional help.

22. Where do you feel the most calm?

In the arms of another person. Or outside on the hill alone with my music.

23. What is your favorite inspirational quote?

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile becorse it happened" -Dr Suess.

24. What are some of your main triggers? Why?

Being alone when I have things on my mind. Nothing will stop me. I don't wanna think about it. Being alone I have nothing to stop me.

25. Do you know any statistics about self harm?

No.

26. What is something that makes you the most happy?

Being with the boy I'm seeing and being with my closest friends.

27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.

I have not cut since I have been seeing this boy he makes me want to change myself. I don't want to let him down. I want him to see how strong I can be.

28. What short-term goals do you have?

Clear my head so I can get back on track in school.

29. Do you follow any self-harm blogs?

No.

30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.

Can't post a pic. But how I looked for Nye. I looked happy. It was a real smile.
SurvivingStill SurvivingStill
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

Very honest. Well done.