Shake Shake Shake Explode ........

I hold so much of my feelings inside that when I finally let something out it always comes out wrong. Because by then it has been pushed down so far that when it's finally able to come out it explodes. The odd thing is that it's the good feelings that I have a hard time expressing.
I feel akward, nervous , raw and way too vulnerable. I then in turn say the craziest things. Usually then the person is left not knowing what to say because they put in a spot NO ONE should be. I end up feeling incredibly stupid and ashamed. I withdrawl and turn off . Hurting and in tears. From there it's very hard to go back into that situation and not feel selfconcious. I am trying hard at this point in my life to harden my shell more and be a bit less sensitive.
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May 13, 2012