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Partially Dreaming And Hsp On Top Of That

My dad always said that I was too sensitive about everything that bothered me, but I was told by my grandmother that I'm exactly like my father in that respect.

My mother always got the best of me because she was so good at bringing up everything I did wrong and almost never said anything good about me to my face. I always feel so defensive around her.

I had to fight my mother to pursue my dreams, that seem so half-baked now with only myself to root me on...and I now become sensitive when she or anybody else on her side of the family starts asking me when am I gonna do with my life "now".

I often felt if I could just overcome my feelings, I could rise above this, but the power that I've felt from my mother's judgments, would only add to the power of even the slightest judgments I would feel from other people. I started losing friends because no one had the patience or the understanding to be around Negative Nelly while she processes her life experiences. Now I had to overcome feeling like I'm completely alone in this. Talk about internal obstacles.

At least the good I've gotten from all this, is the amazing compassion, understanding and patience I've learned to have for people who are struggling to rise above, people who've given up, people who manage to get back up after drowning at the bottom of the barrel...and all those other people who were always on the other side of the story that no one understood because they themselves have never been in those shoes.

The other good thing is the intuition I've developed from it, which is starting to turn my life around. Because of this, I've started to improve my ability to communicate better, discern my situations and the people around me a little better, and make different life decisions.

I still struggle with life disappointments that pop up here and there, especially when everyone on FB likes to rub in your face how much happier they are then you, but I remind myself that nothing is as it seems: maybe the reason why a lot of those happy posts bother me is because a good portion of them may not necessarily be honest - Just a front for those who don't care about how you feel, just how you perceive them.
crazypitz crazypitz 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 21, 2012

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Goodness. I could have wrote all of this. Our mothers sound identical, it is actually quite scary. Your description of her is so like my own mother.
Like you, I am also a sensitive person and so far, have seen no benefits to it. All it seems to do is cause me pain. I hope one day, I can see the benefits as you yourself can. You sound like you really know yourself and have learnt a lot throughout the years. I really respect that.

LOL! Exactly! And yes, for a good portion of our personal lives, it feels like being HSP does not benefit us at all, because it often seems to hold us back from so much...BUT someday, you'll find yourself asking yourself, "Am I supposed to learn something from this? If I am, what is it supposed to be?" eventually, you find it's your sensitivity that will give you those answers.

But then, once you get those answers, what do you do then? When I finally started asking these questions, and often struggled to understand the answers because so much of them were hard to accept, I began to realize that the HSP was actually the teacher that my parents could never and will never be. My HSP taught me how to not only understand myself but also understand others to a degree that I could never have perceived when I was much younger. But then again, I suppose that'd be the benefits of time, experience and growth.

Don't get me wrong - I still struggle with it sometimes. As a matter of fact, I just picked up a very judging tone in a statement that my father said to me just an hour ago, and as angry and hurt as it makes me feel, though he never said his judgment directly, it also signals to me that my situation needs to change. you too will learn to see the signals your HSP tries to tell you. Maybe it feels like nothing but pain now, but try asking it what it's really trying to tell you and see what answers you come up with. =)

Thank you, that is good advice x

we're coming along :}