Partially Dreaming And Hsp On Top Of ThatMy dad always said that I was too sensitive about everything that bothered me, but I was told by my grandmother that I'm exactly like my father in that respect.
My mother always got the best of me because she was so good at bringing up everything I did wrong and almost never said anything good about me to my face. I always feel so defensive around her.
I had to fight my mother to pursue my dreams, that seem so half-baked now with only myself to root me on...and I now become sensitive when she or anybody else on her side of the family starts asking me when am I gonna do with my life "now".
I often felt if I could just overcome my feelings, I could rise above this, but the power that I've felt from my mother's judgments, would only add to the power of even the slightest judgments I would feel from other people. I started losing friends because no one had the patience or the understanding to be around Negative Nelly while she processes her life experiences. Now I had to overcome feeling like I'm completely alone in this. Talk about internal obstacles.
At least the good I've gotten from all this, is the amazing compassion, understanding and patience I've learned to have for people who are struggling to rise above, people who've given up, people who manage to get back up after drowning at the bottom of the barrel...and all those other people who were always on the other side of the story that no one understood because they themselves have never been in those shoes.
The other good thing is the intuition I've developed from it, which is starting to turn my life around. Because of this, I've started to improve my ability to communicate better, discern my situations and the people around me a little better, and make different life decisions.
I still struggle with life disappointments that pop up here and there, especially when everyone on FB likes to rub in your face how much happier they are then you, but I remind myself that nothing is as it seems: maybe the reason why a lot of those happy posts bother me is because a good portion of them may not necessarily be honest - Just a front for those who don't care about how you feel, just how you perceive them.
crazypitz 36-40, F 2 Responses 1 Jun 21, 2012