I Try Not to Be. ...

I try not to be. I fake being tough and pretend that nothing gets to me. I say I'm not crying when I'm actually on the verge of bawling my eyes out. I bit my tongue until I taste my own blood. I always feel so weak when I cry. I love being held and protected yet at the same time I want to do it myself. I want to fend for myself and be completely on my own. I want to prove that I don't need anybody yet I really do. Only one person has ever been able to make me breakdown with only a few words. With only placing one word in a phrase that is exchanged daily, I snapped. I couldn't deal with the thought. When the tables turned on that deep emotion, I broke under my own weight. My mood changed direction on a dime. I couldn't take the thought of her not loving me. No one has ever been able to do that to me before. Joking around in that area of my life isn't an option. Anything but love.
Anndei Anndei
26-30, F
2 Responses Jun 22, 2007

Love is not a joke. However, we all need somebody. And I, too, had someone who cared enough to show me its OK to be vulnerable and not try to do it all myself. I hope you find the same.

Dam n, that's exactly how I used to be when I was deeply but hopelessly in love. Luckily I had someone to reveal my true self too, and that saved me I think.<br />
Now I've moved on in life and live life normally :) WIsh you good luck!!!