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REJECTED

I am feeling the pain of rejection and it is terrible!!!! I do not know whether I should blame myself or not. I am in love with my best friend and I have always been open about my feelings. He however never showed me love and affection in the manner I desired. He just wanted to be my friend. I was happy even with this attachment but he started to get uncomfortable. Now we are apart. He wanted to be with me professionally but just to see how much he will pursue me, i refused after saying yes. But he distanced himself from me. I couldn't tolerate his changed behaviour. I wanted his closeness back but he is very stubborn. He refused to have any permanent relationship with me, he dethroned me from my position of his best friend, he started being indifferent to my feelings and problems.I wanted to talk it out but he insulted me. He said he likes to ignore me like someone would ignore a stray barking dog. He told me to stay a mile away from him because I spoil his mood. He said that our scores are settled because he has already done his part in sorting out my problems. I helped him in his hard times and he has helped me but my problems seem never ending and he doesn't have the stamina to hear them anymore. I am hurt. I have also helped him professionally but now as i am no more working, i feel unwanted. He says that i should never ask him questions but I remain dissatisfied because i want answers. He is moody, arrogant and stubborn and i am expressive, impatient and demanding..... demanding attention. He said that if I wanted to be close, I must stay away from him... Well that was NEW to me. I couldn't handle it. He says that i never understand things. YES I DON'T BECAUSE HE IS VERY INTROVERT. I am hurt. My heart craves for him but his insulting words have frozen me. Now he has become totally indifferent and this indifference is killing me because i have always loved him, forgiven him and adored him with all my heart. If I can forgive him...why can't he. I do feel guilty for not being able to adjust to his new demands. But now we are apart and I know that he is too arrogant to approach me first. MAYBE HE WILL NEVER because according to him, I MAKE HIM UNHAPPY. He is so indifferent to me now. I FEEL ALONE AND REJECTED.

 

puddingheart puddingheart 22-25, F Jan 31, 2009

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