I never knew I was very sensitive and empathic 'til some months ago I started feeling too sick for people's problems.
You know, I always felt bad when people were in trouble, and I always tried to help.. but this time it got worse and I understood at what empathic level I was.

Ok, so, it's weird.
Four or five months ago I was at home with my parents, evening, being ready for any movie on tv - I watch many movies because cinema is my passion.
There was this film which caught my attention because the title was intriguing me.
"I'll Sleep When I'm Dad", Mike Hodges, British kind of stuff.
Brilliant!, I said, I love British stuff.
So I sat on the couch and the frist scene showed this young and really handsome chelloveck that was irish-talented Jonathan Rhys Meyers at a party or so. After some mins Davey, Meyers charachter's name, was walking down the street and unexpectedly got kidnapped by two guys, who then proceeded to bring him to an old man (which was played by that wonderful actor that is Sir Malcolm McDowell).
Davey got brutally raped, and the morning after made suicide 'cause of the shame of being a man that was raped by another man.
I still don't know why, but this thing shocked me to death, like I couldn't stop feeling bad for Davey.
At the time I didn't know that rape could be done to men too, and in any way I had never cared about such things in my life. But I couldn't stop thinking about how horrifing that was.
So, when the movie finished I went to bed and looked for male rape on the net, and a new completely world discovered I, o my brothers.
I came to know more about male rape than anything I've ever studied meself in my entire life.
I read stories, terrible real stories, and I cried, and I felt sick, and I was destroyed. I was in pieces because I couldn't stand the fact that human beings could make so bad on other human beings. And mostly, I felt bad because male rape is about men.
You know, I've never been feminist or so, I've never been part of a specific target or so, because I've always believed in the equality and difference of humanity. But when it's about men, I just can't do anything but being on their side (of course, when it's right to be on their side).
So that's why it's weird, me being a young girl interested in men and their bezoomy world.
It's like, men affect me a lot. Maybe it's because I never had a father (he went away when I was 2), or a male role model. Maybe I miss that thing and I like look for that in other stuff. Maybe that's why I fall in love with guys bigger than me. But I don't think that's the main reason, as I think I'm just curious about men and am a real prototype of really etherosexual girl.
Because I am SO attracted by men.
But anyway, that wasn't the point of all of that.
After I became so involved in male rape topic, I found a video. And that video, o my brothers, has changed my life, completely.
So, this video is named "Why Rape Is Sincerely Hilarious", and at first it got me mad.
Who's this freak who thinks rape is funny?!?, I thought, but decided anyway to watch it and see what's so hilarious about rape.
When I first pressed play, a short but quite good-looking British guy appeard, wearing a grey t-shirt on a full black screen.

"Hi. My name is Will, and I sincerely think that rape is hilarious… when it happens to dudes! It’s horrible when it happens to women, but men getting raped is hilarity. And Adam Sandler’s comedy, that’s my boy! And Get him to the Greek, Horrible Bosses, Wedding Crashers, Abu Ghraib prison. Lynndie England was not a war criminal, she was a comic trailblazer.

And hey, I myself was violated by my grade eight socials teacher. Ms. Tupper. Not a *********, a woman. And when she molested me I was like “score!”, ‘cause I was a horny thirteen year old boy and I totally wanted to have sex and I totally had had sex with an adult I trusted.

My caseworker keeps trying to convince me it was a negative experience. Well, my current caseworker, I could never talk about it with my first caseworker ‘cause she was a woman. Can’t open up to them emotionally! [Laughs] Not because I was raped by one, I mean, it was statutory… not real rape. I mean… I wanted it. I must have wanted it because I got an erection from her stimulating me, and the fear. Physically it felt really good. And at the same time like the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, like I was less than human. [Laughs]

That is funny! All the guys were laughing at me about it and calling me “f****t” for not enjoying it and I was like, “psych! I totally did enjoy it!”. Then they high fived me and told me I was cool and that Ms. Tupper was hot and they were jealous.

It was the most popular I’d been in my whole life. It was the happiest I’ve ever been.

[Holding back tears] And I wasn’t happy but… sometimes, as a guy, if you wanna fit in, you have to hide your pain, and humor is a great way of doing that, and…

That’s why I sincerely think that rape is hilarious.

Because I have to."

I was in tears, completely crawling on the floor, crumbling on the words of this guy I never met, never knew and that made me feel so sick by just putting together some words and a real story.
I soon found out this guy is a quite famous english comedian actor called Andrew Bailey, and I thank whatever kind of divinity is up there in the sky (if it exists) for have let the world have such a really beautiful man like he is.
With his stunning and hurtful monologue, Andrew Bailey restored me and made me decide that male rape is what I want to fight for 'til my last breath.
And so, that's what I'm doing, here, sixteen, young devotchka being too empathic and sensitive in this cruel world.
actuelly actuelly
18-21, F
Aug 18, 2014