Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Need Sex!!

I married my husband because I loved him... and I still do. But we rarely have sex anymore and it has only been 2 years of marriage. I used to have sex every day or every other day with my ex. It was a thrilling sex life and I loved that but, he was an *******. Now with my husband we started off having sex just once a week, which I thought was not enough but I let it slide. Then it went on to every 2 weeks. Now it has been just 2x in this year... I cannot imagine a life like this. I love him and I do not want to get divorced but it is getting to the point where it physically hurts (or at least it feel that way). I am Peggy from Married with Children. Aren't the men the one who are suppose to have the high sexual drive.

My husband will not do anything at all about it... Not see a doctor or work on it. To him there is no problem.. because he is not the one with the problem. That is what hurts the most. He tells me I have to let it go, get used to it... that sex is not important. He says I just make it worst by complaining. I don't know what else to do. I cry all night about this while he is sleeping in the other room.

I am only 28 and he is 30, I dont get this. I feel soo unwanted.
Lillith13 Lillith13 26-30, F 14 Responses May 7, 2011

Your Response


Leave now before you have kids and can`t!!!! Leave before you realize suddenly that 30 wasted yrs have gone by!!

Young men aren't supposed to be sexless. I don't understand it and wish I could clone myself to help all you younger women that need help.

oh baby , I am soo sory for you, I know just how you feel! I was branded a sex pervert, because I wanted sex. He just wasn`t interested.

wish the **** we were closer or neighbors :) dalings :) lol you & i would never ever have to look no darther :) i;am the same as you are & i loveeee me some oral sex & a lottttt of it :) lol hell i'd almost rather eat ***** then **** :)

So my husband gave me "permission" to find someone that can appease my sexual appetite. He has simple rules about this. It can't be someone he knows, I have to always use protection and not tell him about it. He gave me permission back in July.

I have a profile on OKCupid since then and have been on and off on it. Not really taking action on this idea. I have never had casual sex and have only had sex with 3 people including my husband. So I really just wanted to find someone who was nice and I could trust. That would have been difficult considering it had to be someone my husband doesn't know.

Well at his friend's party I was re acquainted with someone who I had meet before just once . My husband too... So when I saw his profile I went for it. We have only really meet him 2 times in like 6 years.

Well last week was the first time I did it, finally, after a year and with this guy. He is awesome and really nice... I truly don't regret it at all. Now all I can do is think about the next time we meet. I am not falling for him, I just want to have sex with the guy.

If you lived near me I'd be your FWB.

Find a lover - you deserve more. Should you end a marriage because of little sex - maybe not, but what about ending it when your spouse constantly does not meet your needs...?

Been there, done that. It ended miserably...

Find a lover. Feel loved. Get laid!<br />

I have been married for three years. After year one, the sex just tapered off. We are now down to maybe once a month. She never tells me yes, it is always no. Unless she is in the mood which again, is once a month. There are no medical issues involved and we are both healthy individuals. I do all a husband is supposed to do and more. She has all of her needs met. <br />
<br />
I do not cheat on her, though I get flirted with every time I leave the house. This is my second marriage and it will be my last. I do want a wife, but after two attempts (my first was sexless as well and my ex left us because she says she had no idea marriage was so much work). I told my current wife before I married her that I would not live in a sexless marriage again and she must have thought I was joking.

yep.<br />
<br />
Married for 20 years. No sex for the past ten years. She understands that sex is important but has no drive. She tried hormones but had too many side effects. So people like us are trapped in a sex less life. What do we do. If we have an affair, then we are at fault. Damned if we do damned if we dont, just plain damned.

awww that's sad :-(

hi pretty there re more to this dan allowing urself to die too young. pls call me on 08038903956. send me ur contact or call me so we can talk. God bless u real gud. cheers up honi we can walk it out. cheers. Gabriel

I am so with you, cheebi.<br />
<br />
My marriage is 20 years now, and I've been fighting with this growing sexlessness throughout. She wonders why I stayed with her. I wonder why she stayed with me through my drinking (which ended over a year ago). The drinking started a few years into our relationship after I could no longer handle the lessening of not just sex but all the intimacy that can lead up to a sexual experience. <br />
<br />
I'm a very sensual person. I love to cuddle (though I can't usually fall asleep that way or I'll sleep very poorly--if at all--and my arm will asleep--not me). I love to touch. To kiss. I love to find the places that excite her, and I can and do go tthe distance (though I wish I could think of a better desc<x>riptor than that!).<br />
<br />
But soon after we came together, moved in together, and worked toward our wedding, we were already struggling with the vast gap that separates our sexual drives. Mine is very high (and does not feel like it's changed at all over the years) while hers started out very small (though it's taken her a very long time to admit that) and with menopause has decreased to zero.<br />
<br />
Early on, though, I allowed myself to believe I was being mature and enlightened and sensitive (the things I still believe about myself, mostly) in coming to the conclusion that her much-lesser desire level (and almost complete lack of initiation) was due to the pressures of her mediacal schooling, residency, and finally starting on her career as a doctor. I tried to learn how to NOT let a "no" just stomp all over my strong desire. Of course I wanted both of us to reach ******, and we had gotten quite good at finding those blinding colors and lights that explode like a 60's concert behind our eyes. But the number of "Nos" always outweighted the yesses. A few Nos and moments that did not reach ****** are fine. I just rechannel for the next time. But when the reasons for not going "all the way" outweigh the times that we did, then the thing I couldn't have any more (or hardly) became the thing I could only think of pursuing. ANY reason that stopped us became a rejection of me or of sex or both.<br />
<br />
And what makes it worse is that I am all too aware that "next time" will be no less than a week away. And what happens when that time is also a No? The odds are against Yes, experience was teaching me that daily. So I pulled back from making as many advances, also, because I could not see why I should endure the rejections. And over the years I began to drink more and more heavily when I discovered that it helped me push down the rejection. It started as "well, I might as well get drunk..." Mostly she never knew because I--being a late night person, staying up several hours beyond her bedtime--would drink when she was asleep. But then it evolved into sneaking drinks after she came home and advanced from me began were rejected. And then it became drinking from early morning (I got up with her and sometimes even before her because I needed less sleep).<br />
<br />
When the kids came, it was just one more reason (then two more reasons) why "now isn't a good time." She cannot, *really cannot*, make love with the kids in the house. Now where does that leave us? Or is it only me? Does it bother her? Years ago she said she was no longer intersted in sex. Menopause and all.<br />
<br />
But how does one cut and run from the person they love? The person who brings out the best in them? She got me to quit drinking, after all. And with it came the desire, FINALLY!, to live in a tidy home (something I've struggled with all my life). Hell, I even stopped biting my nails after 40-some years!<br />
<br />
But the damage *I* had created had been done--as far as she was concerned. My drinking and the anger (from all the frustrations I could not find solutions for) had caused me to lash out: verbally with yelling, not accusations or insults, and with occasional breaking of small things. I scared her. I scared the kids. Now, though I am a normal loving happy person most of the time, I still ahve flare-ups when all the work I have done to keep the house clean and to pare down the stuff we no longer need, and to repair and keep the house functioning, and all the things I do with the kids--none of that means anything to her because I still get angry at all the defeats to my efforts.<br />
<br />
I'm not a different person than the one she met and fell in love with. But my emotions are far closer to the surface because it seems all the things I do to improve our life together (including trying to understand and work within our differing sexual drives) has only been disrespected and trampled into dust.<br />
<br />
The family doesn't keep the house clean, for example, and so every day I start from scratch. I now know why we have lost every housekeeper we've ever had: we burn them out. And that's where I am, too. I no longer keep anything clean/tidy except what messes I've created. And when I have to clean an area of the kitchen counter in order to cook, I no longer cook until it's cleaned up.But the do not care. While they all appreciated (verbally) all the work I put into cleaning and organizing the house, they are STILL not part of the process of keeping it that way.<br />
<br />
How can my wife complain that we can't have people over because the house is always a mess (the cats pee on everything, we have no useable couches--one is completely destroyed by our dog) when despite all my efforts for some 6 months to keep it clean she and the kids never got involved? (And two of those couches are antiques that I gave to my wife as gifts. The animals are more important to her than my gifts. Lovely.<br />
<br />
Yet she dares ask me why *I* stayed with her? Why did she stay with me throughout my drinking? ow she says she still loves me but is "no longer 'in love' with" me.<br />
<br />
I believe I've come out of this a better person overall, even better able to handle my anger. But I get no credit for that if there is even ONE hint of even a grumble. <br />
<br />
This has become unrequited love, for me. Could we try to recapture some of what we had? To try to stay together? If there is no sex, no intimacy, then for me the answer is no. But my heart aches constantly. Really aches. <br />
<br />
We both have different reasons why we can't stay together. She does not validate my reaons (she barely acknowleges the intimacy/sexual issue), and I--I'm sure--do not acknowledge my anger as being a "valid" for her to ba<x>se our distancing on because I see my anger as coming from the drinking which came from the rejections and frustrations all centered around the lessening and lessening of intimacy and sex. I feel that she is basing her "no longer in love with me" on the RESULT of my actions, while I am looking basing my "I can't stay here even though I AM still in love with her" on the CAUSE of the friction. And therein lies the biggest quandry: we are heading towards splitting up and it's not even for the same reason. How do you rectify that?

okay, not everyone is perfect. but I am thinking that she liked you drinking because she could always point the dirt at your. I have bad temper that I lose. I am getting better after finding my triggers and trying not to see RED or whatever. but I think my hubby just uses that as an excuse to excuse himself from things.

Cheebi,<br />
<br />
I know how you feel; Peggy was fun loving and full of emotion; Al was a loser!;<br />
<br />
I am in the reverse - my wife wants NOTHING to do with me.<br />
<br />