Can't Forgive Him

It took me a long time to write my story. I'm going to spare the details. I was molested by my oldest brother from the time I was 9 till about 12 or 13. I was really withdrawn as a child and I am still in the process of putting my life back together. I am currently in therapy and am working through the hurt that I felt as a child. Overall in my life I would say that I'm successful. I'm smart, I have my MBA, I have a loving family, and a bright future ahead of me. I still feel stuck. I feel like I can deal with my past and I can work through it but I still struggle with the relationship status of my brother and myself. He began a cycle of sexual abuse and ****** ran rampant in my immediate family. I have 7 siblings and all have been affected in some aspect. As adults we have acknowledged the events that took place. We have forgiven each other for any pain that we may have caused. We are healing together. Everyone is acknowledging the past except my brother. He will speak to me as if things were ok. He never apologized for the behavior that he displayed and he never gave an explanation. Part of me wants to know why...the other part of me just wants to move forward in my life without him. I can forgive him for myself so that I am not holding that burden but I can't forgive him and be his sister. He betrayed me and he hurt me more than anyone in the world. He didn't care about me and he still displays an attitude of blame instead of accountability. I am not in contact with my brother but he calls me randomly. I really don't have anything to say to him but I try to be respectful. I'm tired of being respectful and holding back my feelings. I can't forgive him and I don't know what I should do.
a8willia a8willia
3 Responses Aug 1, 2010

I gave my brother a chance. I told him how he made me feel. He apologized and the whole nine. I thought he was a changed person but he wasn't. He still attempted to take advantage of me, not sexually but materialistically (asking for money, buying my car but never paying for it, ect). My brother is not a person that I can ever trust again. I have decided to erase him from my life. He does not impact me positively and I know that he will continue to try to manipulate me and hurt me if I continued to try to hold on to a relationship with him.

You are right to keep your distance, especially since you have children of your own now. The lack of accountability is a def sign that he is still likely a *********. Doesn't sound like he changed much or is trying to heal. Still trying to put the blame on you. I would not bring my kids within 10 states of him. I don't think you are wrong in how you feel at all. God bless, pray you continue to heal

Thank you Cellogal. I will never bring my son around him. He never got help for the temptations that he has. I just found out that he was molested when he was very young by one of my uncles. That doesn't excuse the choices that he has made. I don't think that you can just stop. He needs help and he will not be at peace until he gets it. I am still in my healing process. I have changed a lot and I am proud of my progress. The hardest part is coming up....working on my inner child. I will get through everything. I will be whole again one day.

tell him how hes made you feel and the impact on your life its up to you but you should keep well away

Thanks Fiona31. I told him how I felt and that's all I'm going to do for now. I'm not interested in a relationship. I don't like the person that he is and I am not comfortable being around him because of his manipulative ways. He is very narcissistic and he is only out for himself.